'I saw decorations and burst into tears' – Zoe Ball reflects on facing Christmas without her mum and finding ways to honour loved ones

The following content contains discussion relating to loss and bereavement that some readers might find sensitive.

While the approach to Christmas and the big day itself can be an exciting, memory-making time of year, it can be a very different story for those facing the festive period after a bereavement.

Zoe Ball lost her mother, Julia, to pancreatic cancer at the age of 74 in 2024. The presenter has been reflecting on the first Christmas without her last year, and how it feels to be approaching another one while feeling loss so deeply.

"I walked into M&S the other day, saw Christmas decorations and burst into tears," Zoe told Jo Whiley during an episode of their podcast, Dig It. Seeing the decorations immediately made her think of her mum.

"It's almost like torture," she continued, adding that loss can be compounded when so much of the Christmas period is about spending time with family, and there will become a time some of them are absent.

The pair release twice weekly episodes of their podcast, which is a series of unscripted conversations about the messy, everyday realities of life.

With the festive period looming large, Zoe and Jo took a question from a listener who had sadly been recently widowed and was struggling to navigate the upcoming weeks while supporting her children and step-children.

The advice shared the Dig It presenters about facing Christmas in the face of bereavement is emotional, but they hope listeners will be able to put aside any guilt they feel at still finding joy in Christmas, despite it being such a tough time when it comes mixed with grief.

Acknowledge what the person you've lost brought to you

Jo says, "acknowledge that they're not here anymore, and acknowledge the hilarity of their personalities." She and Zoe have started doing this, after losing some loved ones around the same time.

"It's acknowledging what they would've done, laughing at something funny they did, or something stupid they did in the past," she continues. "It's keeping them alive and crying/laughing is quite a good thing to do and an inevitable thing to do."

When the pair do spend time looking back at memories this way, they will often both simultaneously cry and laugh, and they've even coined a term for this emotion - "craufing."

This is either "crying so much you laugh, or laughing so much you cry," at the best memories of the person no longer here.

Keep traditions the same, or mix them up

There's no right or wrong way to approach grief. Zoe and Jo are keen to convey this when sharing their advice for balancing loss with Christmas festivities.

"Do the same things, do the same routines. Dress up like you used to, watch the same films, and talk about them with fondness and keep them in your heart," Jo suggests.

Or, do something entirely different. Making new traditions might work for you, if sticking to the old ones are too painful.

Put lost loved ones on the Christmas tree

A very poignant idea from Zoe - her tree becomes a shrine to those she has loved and lost.

"We put all our lost loved ones on the Christmas tree," she says, continuing, "we've got baubles with pictures and it's such a moment - decorating the tree, and putting them up."

"It used to be just my grandparents," she says, before listing those who have been added to this part of her Christmas tradition over the years.

"It's now weighted down," she says of her tree, "but it's such a lovely thing, unwrapping 'their' decorations and putting them on. I always light a candle on Christmas Eve and do a toast," she adds.

Talk to the stars

Zoe likes to go outside, look to the sky and have a chat with those she's mourning during Christmas.

"I go outside and just have a good chat with everyone up in the stars," she shares. "Sometimes I can be out there for ages just saying 'hi' to everyone," she says.

"There's something so beautiful about the universe and everybody's spirits being up there. It's so final, death, and people are gone."

"Keeping them alive through love and memory, and still talking to them, I think is so important," she continues.

Zoe finishes with, "don't be afraid to cry, don't be afraid to hold on to one another. Through crying and sadness, once you've got those feelings out, you can find laughter. There can be joy."

If you're struggling with grief, Cruse Bereavement Support can help. Their website contains links to their helpline, and ways in which they can offer advice.