Rachel Stevens opens up about 'grieving' the end of her marriage - 'I numbed myself because the feelings were just too much'

Singer Rachel Stevens has spoken candidly about her 12-year marriage coming to an end, and how she's approached dating and blended families in the aftermath of such a big upheaval.

The S Club star married Alex Bourne in 2009, and they share daughters Amelie, 12, and Minnie, 9. The couple announced their divorce in 2022, just shy of their 13th wedding anniversary.

Speaking to host Ateh Jewel on the Second Act podcast, Rachel shares that she entered into another relationship soon after her marriage ended, which didn't give her a chance to "grieve" the end of spending so many years with the same person.

When that three year relationship with with her Dancing On Ice partner Brendyn Hatfield also came to an end in the summer, it brought a lot of difficult emotions to the surface. Rachel was left dealing with challenging feelings, and facing heartbreak in midlife.

"I went from being married and went into another long relationship, and I don't know if I ever fully grieved the loss of my marriage," Rachel says, openly.

I didn't grieve the end of my marriage before starting my next relationship | Second Act Podcast - YouTube

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Rachel added that she finds it hard when her children go to stay with their dad, because it's not the life she ever envisaged for them as a family.

While she finds this upsetting, the singer says she's always performing "damage limitation" to make this as easy as possible for her two girls, and to shield them from the emotional difficulties of the situation.

With her ex husband moving on expecting a baby with his new wife, Rachel is also in the process of navigating the workings of a blended family.

Continuing to speak openly about her feelings towards the unexpected life changes life has thrown at her, Rachel says, "some days you feel empowered. Other days, you just want to cry under the duvet and hide."

"It is sad and obviously, we feel things ourselves, but we feel them for our kids as well," she adds.

Rachel is now looking inwards on herself, and undergoing a period of self-reflection when it comes to moving forwards. "For a long time I put a smile on and turned up and became the person that I thought I should be and got very lost along the way. I numbed myself because the feelings were just too much," she recalls.

To understand more about the challenges of midlife divorce, we spoke to Rosa Alexander, Solicitor at Wilsons Solicitors LLP.

Rosa says, "Like any big change in your life, the best advice to tackle a divorce is to take each day as it comes. Speak to friends and family, and even a therapist or GP for additional support."

"Whilst Rachel felt 'mum guilt', divorce doesn’t mean an unhappy child. It is far greater in your child's welfare to have two happy and healthy homes with each parent, than to have parents who are still together, but make each other miserable," she adds.

Offering advice about moving forward with an altered relationship with a former partner, Rosa tells us, "Whilst the thought of being civil with your ex may now seem incomprehensible, remember this person will be in your child's life, and therefore your life, forever."

"A more harmonious and amicable co-parenting relationship is not only going to be best for your child, but for you as well."

Rosa concludes her advice by telling us, "I advise clients to use co-parenting apps to reduce conflict and have greater channels of communication. Having clear and defined arrangements for your child's care also reduces the temperature and makes sure everyone is on the same page."

Rosa Alexander

Rosa is a solicitor at Wilsons Solicitors LLP, working in the Family team. She advises in all areas of private family law, including financial disputes and complex children cases.