'We've fallen out with the neighbours over their overgrown tree. How can we make them see our point of view?'

None of us want to fall out with our neighbours, but conflicts and disputes can happen occasionally – it's a part of life.

In this Ask Anna column, a reader who hasn't been seeing eye to eye with her neighbours over their garden maintenance sought my advice.

Rather than seeking a cheap way to block a neighbour's view or asking 'Can you cut overhanging branches from a neighbour's tree?', they want the people next door to remove or reduce a tree that they say is blocking their light. Asking them to do so has caused a bit of a dispute, so they want to find a way to resolve that tension.

Neighbour dispute over a tree

The reader said: "Until recently, we’ve rubbed along well with our neighbours for the past 10 years. They’re not what I’d call friends, as they keep to themselves, whereas we’re sociable and outgoing.

"But they have a large sycamore in their rather neglected garden that is blocking light on our veg patch. When we asked them if they would consider cutting it down, they were disgruntled.

"They said it gives them privacy and that we could move our vegetable beds. We don’t really want to do that, as the beds are established, the soil is perfect and it would spoil the look of our garden.

"Now they turn away whenever they see us. How can I rebuild the relationship and hopefully get them to consider pruning back the tree (we’d be willing to cover the cost)?"

Garden and tree maintenance is a common source of disagreement

The other week, I woke up to the sound of a chainsaw at the end of my back garden. I flung open my curtains to discover that an entire hedge of 30ft Leylandii had disappeared from my view. A view that used to provide a screen of much-needed privacy in London.

Overnight, I had hundreds of eyes scrutinising me as I wandered around my bedroom. I was livid. And a quick online search to understand my rights revealed that everyone in the entire world has a problem when it comes to trees, gardens and other people.

Before I offer some practical pointers when it comes to your rights, let’s look at the psychology of what’s going on here. There’s a beautiful metaphor in how you and your neighbours approach your outdoor space, and how it reflects our own individual interiority.

Try to see their point of view

By your own admission, you’re different beings – and with that comes judgement – whether you mean it or not.

You’ve said that you are outgoing and friendly people, with a well-ordered garden. It makes sense then, that you have an established vegetable patch where the soil is ‘perfect’ and your plants can quite literally thrive.

Because that’s who you are as people. You thrive.

By contrast, you say that your neighbours are quieter, and have a ‘rather neglected’ garden with an overgrown sycamore. Isn’t it interesting that this tree is ‘blocking your light’? I just wonder if that is how you feel about your neighbours as individuals? They dim you.

I completely sympathise with your frustration – but I also want to congratulate you on being grown up enough to want to repair this relationship.

How to repair the neighbourly relationship

First, acknowledge that the tree may hold sentimental value for the owners. As well as privacy, the sycamore could also offer shade, reduce noise or hold personal significance.

Letting them know you respect their feelings about the tree, even though it impacts your garden, shows that you respect them – and that can help to soften their stance.

Perhaps your first step should be rebuilding trust. Start small by opening up friendly conversation about other topics of interest – neighbours, the local area, community news – whatever.

But don’t expect too much back for now. This is going to take patience, empathy and compromise.

The tree issue

Having said all of that, you do have rights. In the UK, according to the gov.uk website, your neighbour is responsible for maintaining the tree.

If the sycamore is over two metres tall and is affecting your enjoyment of your home or garden, then you are within your rights to log a complaint with the council.

If the branches are overhanging your garden, then you also have the right to cut them back – so long as you don’t trespass on their property.

Even if the tree issue isn’t resolved as you would like for now, restoring a friendly rapport will make home life more harmonious – and that’s just as important as the state of your garden.

If you would like help with a problem, email askanna@futurenet.com or leave a voice note at hello@itcantjustbeme.co.uk and mention you’re a woman&home reader. Note that Anna may choose your dilemma to discuss on her podcast, It Can't Just Be Me.