Want to ensure you're the most well-behaved guest at a dinner party? These etiquette rules should help. While these tips may sound simple, a little extra consideration for your host and fellow guests during a dinner party can go a long way.
"A dinner party is more than just a meal," luxury event planner Liz Taylor, CEO of Taylor Lynn Corporation, explains. "It’s theatre, atmosphere, and connection rolled into one.
"As a guest, you’re part of the performance, and how you play your role can make all the difference. Following some golden rules can ensure you’re remembered for all the right reasons." We asked etiquette experts for their advice on how to be a good dinner party guest and ensure your host feels appreciated.
How to be a good dinner party guest
Don't be early
While punctuality is considered polite in British culture, arriving early can actually be seen as rude, as your dinner party host may be doing last-minute preparations or setting the table, and having to tend to an arrival can put a spanner in the works and be stressful.
Your safest bet is to arrive around ten minutes after the specified time, unless you are told otherwise.
Let the host know if you're going to be late
If you are going to be late, it's essential to notify the host as soon as possible so that they can make any necessary adjustments to the food preparation.
While it can be stressful when there are travel issues, as long as you communicate clearly, the problem should be resolved.
Check whether to keep your shoes on or off
Whether you're expected to remove your shoes in the house can vary from host to host - so it's always worth checking in when you arrive, particularly in the autumn and winter months when you may have been walking through damp leaves or muddy terrain.
Bring a thoughtful gift
It's customary in British culture to bring a gift when attending a dinner party, often a bottle of wine. "Never arrive empty-handed," luxury event planner Liz Taylor tells us.
"Flowers, a beautiful candle, or a bottle of something special show appreciation. Go the extra mile with something personal you know your host will love."
Consider a homemade gift
"Taking a thoughtful gift for the host, ideally something homemade and a bit different, like my Chocolate Orange Date Balls, which also make fabulous petit fours for after dinner (another job the host then doesn’t have to worry about)," etiquette expert and hosting pro Alison Cork tells us.
"Or if you are in a real hurry to grab a gift, choose a classy little chocolate number such as Green & Blacks, always likely to please."
Accept the invitation promptly
To ensure your host has enough time to plan, accept an invitation as soon as possible, as last-minute additions to the guest list can be stressful. If it's a more formal invitation, take note of how they would like you to respond to the invitation - whether it's by text, email, a website, or, if it's a more formal occasion, post.
Respect your RSVP
"If you’ve committed, don’t cancel at the last minute unless it’s truly unavoidable," luxury event planner Liz Taylor tells us.
"Share any dietary requirements in advance and stick to the agreed arrival time. Too early and you’ll catch the host mid-chaos; too late and you’ll throw off the rhythm of the evening."
Make an effort with your outfit
While we're not suggesting you should show up in Black Tie attire, making an effort with your outfit communicates a certain level of respect to your host and shows you're honoured to be a part of their dinner party.
It's always worth checking in with your host regarding dress code.
Take note if there's a theme
It's common for dinner parties to have a theme - whether that means the decor and tablescape, or extends to the dress code as well. Even if there isn't a set dress code, it's worth taking note of the theme so you can perhaps tailor your gift or bring something to add to the decorations as a thoughtful touch.
Let your host know about special requirements well in advance
If you have a special requirement for a dinner party, such as dietary needs, let your host know early on so they can plan.
Hosts may well do one vegetarian or vegan option and a meat or fish dish if there are enough guests to warrant it.
If you need to request a plus one, let the host know early
If your partner is already familiar with the host, they may already be on the invite list. However, if you're keen to bring a date who's new to your friendship group or a friend or family member, let your host know well in advance. That way, they can raise any issues and have a clear idea of the numbers.
Use your intuition
To be a good guest, it's essential to be mindful of others and sensitive to their needs and moods - and sometimes that means sitting back and assessing the atmosphere.
"Be present and positive," luxury event planner Liz Taylor tells us. "Always read the room!"
Be a tidy guest
This one is particularly important if you're staying over after a dinner party, as it will make life a lot easier for your host if you leave the space clean, tidy and free from any personal belongings or rubbish you may have accumulated during the stay.
During a meal, it's polite to offer to help with clearing plates and debris from the table, though most hosts will be keen to manage the washing up themselves.
Get compliments in early
"Complimenting the food early on in the meal, to make the host feel relaxed and more confident in their hospitality," etiquette expert and hosting pro Alison Cork tells us.
The best thing you can do for your host is to put them at ease by showing you're a warm and positive guest.
Be curious about other guests
It sounds simple, but sometimes one of the best pieces of advice for being a good guest is to be curious. Ask questions, actively listen and ensure that nobody feels left out.
A dinner party is a brilliant opportunity to get to know somebody new and learn from others.
Be wary of topics that might spark heated debates
While many of us enjoy engaging in passionate conversation, if a chat is getting aggressive or heated rather than a healthy debate, it's advisable to steer the discussion towards a lighter topic or diffuse the atmosphere.
While it's imperative to talk about important, a dinner party should be a safe space where everybody can express their opinion (as long as it's respectful to others) without heated arguments.
Keep the conversation inclusive
"Keep conversation engaging but inclusive, avoiding divisive topics," luxury event planner Liz Taylor tells us. "Share stories, listen well, and make sure no one feels left out of the discussion."
If you suspect a topic is too niche to involve everybody, it may be best to save it for a private conversation.
Make an effort with shy guests
Not everybody is totally confident in a group setting, but most people will come out of their shell if they feel at ease. "Put effort into making conversation, especially with other guests who may be more shy, which also makes the host’s job easier," etiquette expert and hosting pro Alison Cork tells us.
Include others in conversations
While you may know some guests and see the dinner party as a chance to have a good old catch-up, others may not know as many people - or indeed any people - there, so it's polite to include them in the conversation and quickly explain the context to a story and subtly bring them in.
Not only will they feel more welcome, but it also takes the pressure off your host.
Don’t start eating before the host sits down
It's polite to wait until the host sits down before you start eating, although they may tell you otherwise. Usually, at dinner parties, the host is running around fussing over everybody else, but they should be encouraged to sit down and relax with their guests after all that hard work.
Offer to help
There are usually some little jobs you can do to make your life easier. "Offering to help, for example, making the after-dinner coffee, will really help your host," etiquette expert and hosting pro Alison Cork tells us.
Leave your phone alone
For many of us, checking our phones is second nature and can be all too tempting when they're on the table. Yet staring at a screen can put a barrier between you and other guests.
A tip is to leave your phone in your bag or coat pocket so it's out of sight, or at least turn it around so it's face down on the table to avoid the distraction of notifications pinging on the screen.
Show interest in the food
Compliments are important - but a subtle way to do this without being too simpering (if that's not your style) is to ask questions about the food.
The ultimate compliment when someone has cooked a delicious main? Asking for the recipe so you can recreate it at home.
Prepare your excuses for conversations you want to leave
"Have polite ways to exit conversations with less engaging guests," luxury event planner Liz Taylor tells us. "A warm smile and a 'Lovely chatting, I’m just going to top up my glass' works every time."
Keep communication warm yet concise
If you have a particular need or want something - such as an alternative drink or condiment - it's important to communicate, but do so in a way that is warm and friendly and never demanding. Your host has plenty to think about already!
Master the art of the graceful exit
"It's important to know when to leave – while the energy is still buzzing," etiquette expert and hosting pro Alison Cork tells us.
"Don’t linger until your host is yawning into the champagne. Slip away with a warm thank you rather than a dramatic announcement."
Don't outstay your welcome
The perfect guest will always put in a good stint, but not be there until the bitter end when the host wants to relax after running around all evening.
Obviously, if you're a close friend of the host, it may be that you want to catch up privately once the rest of the guests are gone, but generally it's best not to be the last one at the party.
Follow up
It's polite to show that you appreciated the effort your host went to. "The morning after, send a thank-you message," luxury event planner Liz Taylor tells us. "Better still, a handwritten note. Good manners never go out of style, and they ensure you’re first on the guest list next time."
Consider a gift as a gesture of thanks
"Following up with flowers and a personalised handwritten note is important," etiquette expert and hosting pro Alison Cork tells us
"I love Bloom & Wild for their letterbox flower delivery service, and you absolutely cannot beat a Smythsons blue thank you notelet."
Be mindful of alcohol
Though it can be tempting to keep drinking when the wine is flowing, it's important to know your limits and ensure you keep your wits about you.
If you're planning on drinking too much to drive, transportation home should always be pre-planned - never let your logistics become the host's problem.
Remember it's about the people, more than the food
"Dinner parties are as much about people as they are about food. Thoughtful guests elevate the experience, turning a pleasant evening into a memorable one," luxury event planner Liz Taylor tells us.
Return the favour
If you've had an enjoyable dinner party at someone's house the most gracious thing you can do is to return the favour and have them round in the coming months.
In our current economic climate, a roster of dinner parties among friends can help keep costs down and is a great chance to show some person
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