50 best Christmas jokes for all the family - we think #37 is the funniest

Tree-mendously jokes to use throughout the festive period

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Woman with paper crown reading a poem from her Christmas cracker
(Image credit: Getty Images)

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a few truly groan-worthy jokes. From classic knock-knock gags and festive puns to Santa jokes, cheeky elves and Christmas-cracker one-liners, this collection has something for every sense of humour.

Whether you’re trying to break the ice, entertain the family, or start a friendly who-can-tell-the-best-joke competition, these Christmas jokes are guaranteed to raise a smile. Consider them as essential to the season as tinsel, trees, and baubles.

Santa Claus jokes

  1. Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘hohoho’.
  2. Why doesn’t Santa drink reindeer milk? Because he’s on a deery-free diet.
  3. How did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker.
  4. What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
  5. What do you call a Santa living at the South Pole? A lost Claus.

Christmas jokes illustreated by joke

(Image credit: Future)
  1. What's St. Nick's favourite measurement in the metric system? The Santametre
  2. What is Santa’s drag name? Sleigh Queen.
  3. What does Santa spend his money on? Jingle bills.
  4. What goes ‘Oh, oh, oh’? Santa walking backwards.
  5. Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee? Because they're Santa's star bucks!

Christmas tree jokes

  1. What do Christmas trees get when they go numb? Pines and needles.
  2. What do Christmas trees wear at the pool? Trunks.
  3. What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies? Spruce Willis.
  4. What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
  5. Why did the Christmas tree go to the Dr? It was feeling green.

Christmas jokes illustrated by tree wearing trunks

(Image credit: Future)
  1. What’s another name for an artificial Christmas tree? Faux Fir.
  2. What looks like half a Christmas tree? The other half.
  3. What’s a Christmas tree's favourite sweet? Orna-mints.
  4. Who is a Christmas tree’s favourite singer? Spruce Springsteen.
  5. What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? It started its own branch.

Christmas Cracker jokes

  1. What do angry mice send each other at Christmas? Cross mouse cards.
  2. What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days.
  3. Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist? He had low elf esteem.
  4. How did Scrooge win the football game? The Ghost of Christmas passed.
  5. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught.

Christmas jokes illustrated by infographics

(Image credit: Future)
  1. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
  2. How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet? 25 - because there’s no L.
  3. What do you call a deer who can’t see? No eye deer.
  4. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsellitis.
  5. What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerky.

Christmas knock-knock jokes

  1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly.
  2. Knock, knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are coming holly-days are coming.
  3. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!
  4. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good Christmas joke?
  5. Knock, knock Who’s there? Honda. Honda who? Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…

Christmas jokes illustrated by infographics

(Image credit: Future)
  1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!
  2. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Alaska. Alaska who? Alaska Santa for a new bike.
  3. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Hannah. Hannah who? Hannah partridge in a pear tree.
  4. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rabbit. Rabbit who? Rabbit up carefully, it’s a present.
  5. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary and Abbey. Mary and Abbey who? Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Christmas elf jokes

  1. What make of cars do elves drive? Toy-otas.
  2. What's the first thing elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
  3. Why did the elf sleep in the fireplace? Because he wanted to sleep like a log.
  4. What do you call an elf who learns independently? Elf-taught.
  5. What's the best way to gain confidence? To believe in your elf.
  1. What is elves' favourite sport? Miniature golf.
  2. What do you do if you can't hire a professional? Do it your elf.
  3. What goes inside elves' pointy shoes? Their mistletoes.
  4. What do you get when an elf passes wind? Jingle smells.
  5. What do you call an elf who wins the lottery? Welfy.
Anna Bailey
Anna Bailey

Anna Bailey is Digital Content Director at woman&home, a role she took up in 2024. She has more than 20 years’ experience as a lifestyle writer and digital editor. An NCTJ-trained and NCE-qualified journalist, Anna began her career in local journalism at the Basingstoke Gazette. She went on to hold senior digital roles across major media brands, including Lifestyle Editor at ITV.com, where she managed websites for some of the broadcaster’s best-loved shows. Before joining woman&home, Anna spent six years as Editor of GoodtoKnow, a leading family lifestyle website. Prior to that, she was Features Editor at MSN UK, and Digital Lifestyle Editor at UKTV. She has also contributed to a range of publications including The Mirror, LoveFood, LoveExploring and TBSeen.

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