Stuck in a love rut? Take our quiz to find out what's holding you back romantically

Are you feeling overwhelmed by your partner's need for constant reassurance? Or maybe you get panicked by someone's distance when dating. We all have patterns of relating to others in relationships, which are often formed in early childhood.

These patterns might just be the reason you're struggling to build and maintain satisfying romantic connections.

Take our quiz to uncover what might be causing your love rut and find out how you can build healthier habits to have the relationship you desire.

If 'you're emotionally steady'

'You're able to express your needs, set and maintain healthy boundaries and be intimate and loving,' explains senior accredited BACP therapist Eve Menezes Cunningham.

While this doesn't mean you won't experience difficulties in relationships, you will be able to take responsibility when you make mistakes, and seek support when you need it.

TRY THIS: Protect your peace. If you're in a relationship with someone who needs lots of reassurance or who is unwilling to commit, remember that you deserve a love that feels good and nourishing, and maybe step back so you're not working harder than they say, says Eve. Encourage them to seek support through therapy as, while you can have empathy, it isn't your job to fix them.

If 'you're an ice queen'

You may pull away when relationships become more serious, you find expressing feelings difficult, and you prioritise time alone, rather than with your partner, says relationship coach Nina Mandair. This can create distance in relationships, making your partner feel disconnected and undesired.

TRY THIS: Go slow. Allowing vulnerability in small, manageable steps can create change over time, says Nina. For example, share a small feeling, such as ‘I’m feeling quite stressed today,’ and then give yourself time to reflect later that you felt heard, respected and safe. These small experiences begin to recondition the nervous system, showing that connection can feel secure and comfortable.

If 'you blow hot and cold'

You feel a strong desire for connection, but you’re also afraid of it. ‘It can be very confusing for partners who sometimes feel let in, sometimes feel too needed, then sometimes feel completely rejected,’ explains senior accredited BACP therapist Eve Menezes Cunningham.

TRY THIS: Be realistic. All-or-nothing thinking can have you swinging between ‘This is perfect, they’re everything I need,’ and ‘I feel trapped, I need to get out.’

This can lead to self-sabotage and abruptly cutting off the connection. Even healthy relationships have bad days, but it doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you. Communicating that you need space and giving them a time frame, rather than disappearing, can also help build trust between you.

If 'you crave constant closeness'

Not having these needs met, and noticing small changes in your partner’s behaviour, can cause you to have a strong emotional response, which can lead to arguments and put a strain on the relationship.

TRY THIS: Self-soothe. Partner cancelled plans? Or maybe they took hours to reply to a text? Just pause.

'Instead of seeking reassurance straight away, try breathing exercises, going for a walk or journaling about what you are feeling,’ says relationship coach Nina Mandair.

This will allow you to respond more calmly later and ask for what you need going forward, such as an alternative day together, or even just a phone call to help you feel connected.