'Bringing in that third energy can be really useful' - this author's simple tip helps keep the spark alive in long-term relationships

If you live with your partner, have been together for many years, and spend a lot of time together, it's fair to say that 'the spark' might not be what it once was. With work, house, and any child responsibilities, it's one of the most common relationship issues.

It's exactly the feeling that author Nell Frizzell described on a recent episode of BBC Woman's Hour with host Nuala McGovern. She said that after 10 years with her partner and two children, they spend a lot of time together as a couple, but struggle with keeping the spark.

For listeners experiencing the same situation and wanting to spice up their relationship, she had the following tip: "Invite other people into your relationship. I find my partner incredibly attractive when we are around people we don't see all the time. They ask him questions I wouldn't think to ask. There's a third energy there that I think is really productive, really attractive," she said.

"Those date nights can get very intense if it's just you and the person that you're living with, raising kids with, or maybe running a business with, sitting across the table, trying to come up with something new to say."

To make things easier, Nell said that "bringing in that third energy can be really useful". Now, instead of going on holiday as a couple or as a family, they go away with another family or another couple.

"If we go for dinner, I really like there to be other friends there because we have dinner together most nights. What makes it special is having a new conversation starter or a new opinion, a new perspective," she said. "[It's] novelty within security."

The idea of bringing a "third energy" into your relationship isn't a new concept, but it's certainly one worth trying if you're looking to bring a little more excitement into your relationship.

Esther Perel, a leading psychotherapist and relationship expert, said in a blog post that we tend to be most attracted to our partners (outside the bedroom) in at least one of four scenarios. One of these is 'when I see them through the eyes of another', which is similar to what Nell described here.

Perel says: "Scenarios that show us our partner through the eyes of another can remind us of what we used to see in them or the parts of them we’ve maybe come to take for granted. Seeing someone else react to our partner’s humour or charm or intellect can even make us feel validated, proud, even lucky."

This can help remind you of why you were attracted to your partner in the first place, whether you met them decades or years ago, and help build intimacy in your relationship.

In the comments of the episode shared to Instagram, others agreed with Nell that seeing their partner around other people boosted their attraction. "Yes, totally agree. When I see my partner engage in conversation with friends, I see elements of him that I don’t see as often when it’s just us. How funny he is. How genuine. It’s a helpful reminder when you can sometimes slip into the mundane when it’s just the two of you," one wrote.

Another said: "It’s so refreshing to see them interact with other people, it’s like you get to witness them again for the first time, they’re witty, charming, fun and interested, and it brings back every reason you fell for them in the first place (which you so otherwise forget about when you’re together every day)."

Do you feel the same? Take our quiz below to see if other woman&home readers share your opinion...