Nicole Kidman has filed for divorce from husband Keith Urban, after 19 years of marriage. Nicole officially filed in a Tennessee court on September 30, citing irreconcilable differences as the cause of their split.
The actress and Grammy-winning country singer married in June 2006, and share daughters Sunday Rose, 17, and Faith Margaret, 14. So far, neither Keith or Nicole have publicly given further details surrounding the reasons for their separation.
Shortly after their wedding, Keith checked himself into rehab for drug and alcohol addiction. However, the couple's relationship had always appeared to be strong in the aftermath of these early difficulties, and they often made public declarations of love for each other.
Speaking on Dax Shepard and Monica Padman's Armchair Expert podcast in 2020, Keith said of Nicole, "She's the one that I was searching for my whole life, and everything not only changed but had to change in me if I was going to go down that road."
In April 2024, Nicole told PEOPLE, "I'm so lucky that I have Keith, who's just my love, my deep, deep love. That gives me the ability to go and do whatever I have to do because I know where I can come back to."
In the wake of the surprising news of the couple's marriage ending, and with conversation around 'grey divorce' on the rise, we asked experts to offer advice on how to rebuild after divorce in midlife.
Rebuilding after midlife divorce
While divorce can trigger fears about the future and trepidation about being alone, relationship experts suggest accepting these difficult feelings as part of the healing process.
Dating and relationship coach, Claire Dore, says, "Acknowledge the fear and the pain, but don’t let them control your ability to move on. Accepting these emotions is a step toward growth and empowerment."
Claire points out that divorce can be "a life-altering and awakening experience if you choose to see it this way".
Allow yourself to grieve
BACP senior accredited psychotherapist, Debbie Keenan, tells us that grieving is an essential part of the rebuilding process.
"Divorce is a form of grief, the loss of what you had, future hopes, dreams and shared goals," she shares, adding, "allow yourself to grieve. It is really important to have compassion for yourself during this process, as your confidence may be low and you may worry that you may not find love again."
"Your family and support network is really important, don't isolate yourself. Take time to heal and repair."
Debbie continues, "It is important to acknowledge the pain and allow oneself to grieve without judgement. Engaging in self-care, whether through exercise, watching TV or meditating."
This can provide comfort and a sense of purpose. Set yourself some small, yet achievable goals."
Maintain boundaries
Katia Vlachos is a reinvention coach and the author of Uncaged: A Good Girl's Journey to Reinvention. She suggests that while tackling feelings surrounding fears of loneliness and what the future might hold, it's very important to maintain boundaries with your ex.
With emotions still raw, not having boundaries in place could potentially make life feel even more confusing or conflict-ridden. Katia suggests boundaries keep you focused on healing and moving forward.
She adds that while contact surrounding day-to-day logistics of extricating yourselves from each other are ongoing, this can make putting boundaries in place difficult, but also very necessary.
"This is not ideal when you often want to get as much distance as possible so you can heal and move on," Katia says of this unavoidable contact, adding, "but it is a fact. So establishing clear boundaries will help to protect your emotional well-being."
Build your own new chapter
Moving on after divorce doesn't mean you need to forget your relationship entirely. It can involve finding ways to embrace new opportunities and build your future in a way that prioritises you.
"Moving on doesn't mean erasing your past. It means creating a new chapter where you can thrive," Katia says.
Debbie agrees, saying, "While divorce can be undeniably painful, it can also present an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. It can offer a chance to reconnect with oneself, to explore personal interests and passions and to cement a new sense of independence, a new you."
"While the journey is rarely easy, divorce can be a lesson, a catalyst, and ultimately, a stepping stone to a new beginning. Be bold, be daring, be you. You will get through this, it won't be easy, but you will get through this stage."
Claire is a relationship, dating and sex coach, aka The Wild Woman CEO as well as the Relationship and Dating expert on Dublin City FM where she features on Friday’s Good Morning segment. She has been running her coaching practice since 2016.
Debbie is a senior accredited, multi award winning Integrative Psychotherapist and published writer in the field of psychotherapy and counselling. She is currently completing a Doctorate Degree in Psychotherapy and counselling.
Katia Vlachos is a reinvention coach, speaker, meditation teacher, and author of Uncaged: A Good Girl's Journey to Reinvention.
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