Fear and loathing in the 'manosphere' – why everyone with kids in their life needs to watch Louis Theroux’s documentary

Louis Theroux has never shied away from controversy, but the hatred that spews from the mouths of the manosphere influencers he shadows makes his latest film uncomfortable viewing. Which is why everyone should watch it, says Debra Waters

The first thing I did after finishing Louis Theroux’s latest documentary Inside the Manosphere (Netflix), was ask my teenage son to watch it. This is not because I saw the opportunity for a teaching moment – that would have triggered an instant eyeroll – but because I was curious to know what my teen thought of these men, with their many followers, fancy cars, and big houses. Would he find their lives so appealing that he’d be willing to overlook their misogyny?

This was his reaction: “It’s shocking how much the men talk about how they understand women more than they actually do, and I really noticed that a lot of the women [in the documentary] looked uncomfortable. Also, an influencer trying to publicly shame Louis online was odd. These ‘powerful’ men can’t accept any opinions that other people have.”

You’ll probably feel that way if you watch the doc, which I urge you to do. You may feel, as I did, that behind the glamour this is an ugly, troubling environment, but we’d all be remiss if we simply reject what we see without trying to understand the motivation behind it.

The manosphere is huge, and the influencers that reside within it have millions of followers. It’s a big issue, and it's having a big impact. Just last week, an international study by King’s College London found that 31% of Gen Z men think wives should 'obey' their husbands, as opposed to 13% of Baby Boomers. A real sign that progressive views are now going backwards.

In fact, Gen Z men (my son’s generation) are the most likely to agree with traditional ideas about not only women’s roles (such as that a wife should always obey her husband), but also men’s (such as that young men should try to be physically tough, even if not naturally big).”

What is the manosphere?

On the surface, there are lots of shiny things to tempt men (and some women) into the contradictory, delusory world of the manosphere – a mainly online space that espouses misinformation, masculinity (which can be fine) and misogyny (which is not). This is toxic masculinity at its most poisonous – a place where men are men and that’s why (and it’s the only reason why, apparently) they are successful.

What these influencers offer their followers is what Louis calls “cheat codes to win at life” but these easy victories aren’t available to the majority. But, because we live in a capitalist society with an attention economy that values instant gratification, these life hacks seem very seductive.

Louis interviews some big names in the manosphere – Harrison Sullivan, aka HSTikkyTokky; Justin Waller; Amrou Fudl, aka Myron Gaines; and Nicholas Kenn De Balinthazy, aka Sneako. While most started by uploading relatively benign content, on topics such as fitness, dating, gaming and business, they have since become lauded for their contentious and questionable views on masculinity, misogyny and their strongly anti-feminist stance.

Buying into these views is known as taking the red pill, or ‘seeing the word for what it is’ – a reference to the 1999 film The Matrix. Typically, fans of the manosphere are distrustful of mainstream media and the machinations of the powers-that-be. Conspiracy theories abound and suspicion and distrust are rampant.

This state of mind extends to women, who are regarded as beneath men and only to be valued for their beauty. Many claim to love women, but you’d be hard-pushed to believe that. There’s nothing wrong with men and women choosing conventional gender roles if that’s what they wish, but this not about tradition, it’s about female subservience. These men think women should be kept in their place, they expect monogamy from their partners but don’t extend the same courtesy, and they see women through one prism – their bodies.

What Louis Theroux always does so well is leave enough silence between conversations to allow his subjects to unfurl and – often – self-sabotage. It’s in this void where the viewers see the true nature of Louis’ subjects, and this is where men’s vulnerability, hurt and arrested development are exposed. When upbringings are discussed, we hear about absent fathers, childhood violence and single parent struggles. Many grew up in poverty and abuse, and while some are well-educated there’s a distinct lack of emotional intelligence and decency – let’s face it, it’s a lot easier to get rich if we leave morality at the door.

What my teen said: “It’s really interesting to see that most of them grew up without a dad or with an abusive one, which could mean they feel like they have to fill in that missing masculinity that they weren’t taught by a proper father figure, but they’ve definitely gained it the wrong way.”

Why men are drawn in

The manosphere naturally attracts the poor or marginalised – those looking to get-rich-quick but don’t have the luxury of family money, contacts, opportunities or education. This is a problem we can’t blame men for – it’s societal.

Amid the posturing and swagger, what’s most apparent is fear. When Louis challenges these influencers, they quickly become defensive, as if they’re being attacked, which weakens their argument. They’re a bit like teenagers themselves, and perhaps this is why teen boys are lured by these men in their masses, because kids who are trying to find themselves can relate.

Look beyond the bravado and big biceps and you’ll sense an undercurrent of self-loathing, and it’s well-known that self-hatred can lead to a projection of hatred onto others. And, wow, what loathing – and it’s not just towards women, but the Jewish and LGBTQ communities. Towards the end of the documentary, a group of young teen boys run up to Sneako and enthusiastically reiterate his anti-Semitic hate speech back to him – it would be funny if it wasn’t so awful.

The content trap

In fairness, you can see how things spiral for content creators – desperate to keep and grow their audience, they make more and more extreme content. “Don’t pander to their worst impulses,” says Louis to one influencer, but you can see why they do – they feel they need to, in order to keep up the lifestyle and image. Louis is unimpressed with these men “selling products to teenagers” (he has three sons himself), but HSTikkyTokky’s reasoning is that he’s just “playing the game of life”. It’s the parents he blames for allowing their kids to watch his content.

What my teen said:

“Seeing teenagers and young men genuinely following what these men preach was really weird because it shows that with enough convincing, your views totally shift; I mean, they are called influencers for a reason.”

What parents can do

Although there are many jaw-dropping moments in this film, it’s important to try and view it from these men’s perspective – why are they feeling so disenfranchised, and could our kids be feeling the same way? Compassion on all sides is required.

As a parent, I’m all too aware these things exist – I’m also aware that I only know the half of it. I can’t hide my son away; I can only hope to steer him away from the hate, make sure he hears both sides, and that he feels he has a voice in a world that’s shifting under his feet.

How to talk to teenagers about the manosphere

I asked White Ribbon, a leading charity that engages men and boys to prevent violence against women and girls, how to approach the subject with teens. Their CEO Lynne Elliot told us:

• Ask and listen, don’t tell Don’t make boys feel like they can’t talk about how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking; hear what they’ve got to say and treat it as a discussion, even if you don’t agree. This avoids defensiveness. 
• Keep the conversation going The manosphere teaches boys that they will be immediately shut down for voicing these views, so don’t shut them down.
• Your home is their safe space Let boys speak about whatever they want to without criticising and keep communication channels open.
• Disagree and distract Where you disagree, put that viewpoint forward clearly and briefly, then move on to another topic, to avoid them feeling lectured.
• Approach with love Remember your child is still in there and they need your help and understanding. 

Learn more about manosphere terminology here.