Do you feel anxious opening Christmas gifts? You're not alone – here's what you can do

The first Christmas I spent with my husband’s parents (when we’d only been dating a few months), I unwrapped a pair of expensive Ray-Ban sunglasses from them as they sat and watched, along with his sister and her boyfriend. I almost burst into tears of gratitude, never having been gifted anything so swanky, especially by people who barely knew me.

As I jumped up to thank them for such a generous gift, they said that maybe I should open the packaging, as the present ‘might not be quite what it seems’. All eyes still on me, I did just that, revealing a bag-for-life shopping tote – the sunglasses box just a vessel for neat wrapping.

We all laughed as I held up the tote bag and exclaimed that "Oh, this is even better, I really needed one!" but I was deeply embarrassed.

It compounded everything I hate about receiving gifts – being the centre of attention, the mild peril caused by the complete unknown, feelings of not being worthy of the gift in question, the inability to know how to react or arrange your face.

"The dread that many of us feel when given a gift comes from our innate vulnerability at being the centre of attention combined with an inherent primal fear of judgement," says psychology expert Bayu Prihandito.

"Deep down, most of us fear disappointing our loved ones – and because we’re biologically programmed to seek group acceptance, any potential reaction that might set us apart can naturally make us nervous."

If you've ever felt disappointed on Christmas morning, you're not alone: 58% of Brits received at least one Christmas present they didn’t want last year, while the average value of the unwanted gift was £41, found a study by finder.com.

What's the ‘right’ reaction?

From my experience, there are generally two camps when it comes to opening Christmas presents: those whose families bundle in and go for it, ripping open whatever’s labelled for them; and others who patiently take it in turns, unwrapping each gift carefully in front of an audience.

Personally, the latter approach has always felt more appropriate, having been brought up to think that if someone has taken the time to buy you something, the least you can do is let them enjoy watching you open it. But it feels like there’s so much at stake.

The unwrapping needs to be at just the right tempo – ripping straight into it shows disregard for the time someone has taken to wrap it, while taking too long is self-indulgent and boring for those in ‘the audience’.

And then comes the main event, the moment that everyone is waiting for – your reaction. But what happens if your face doesn’t behave or, worse, you hate it?

"Pretending to love a gift when we actually don’t can be a real challenge," explains Bayu. "It taps into our desire to be genuine, but that can be tricky because more often than not, we don’t want to hurt the people we love. The anticipation of what might be inside a present, and having to pretend that you like it when you don’t, can be draining – especially over an already-emotional time like Christmas."

Not feeling worthy

The initial thought that hit me when I opened those ‘sunglasses’ was that I didn’t deserve something so expensive, quickly chased with a rush of guilt that I’d only bought them a mid-price bottle of red.

But feelings of guilt and of being unworthy stems from deeper issues around self-worth, which are very common, especially for women.

"When we receive a generous gift, we might feel a mix of awkwardness and indebtedness," says Bayu. "This emotion comes from the social construct of reciprocity, where we’ve been conditioned to believe that a kind gesture should always be reciprocated. But gift giving isn’t a transaction – they gave you X, so therefore you owe them Y – but a gesture of friendship, love or appreciation."

I’ve always tried to give presents that might evoke a memory from the past, or hint at an in-joke, to raise a smile. That way, if the person I’m giving it to has the same dread about opening presents as I do, at least we can simply laugh it off and get stuck into the eggnog.

Strategies for gift opening

You can’t stop the inevitable gift giving and receiving at this time of the year, but there are ways to handle it.

1. Take a deep breath

Being the centre of attention can be nerve-racking. "Taking a very deep breath can help you relax," says Smriti Joshi, chief psychologist at Wysa. "It can also shift the focus from the gift to your breathing, giving you a moment to collect yourself. This will help you be in the moment and experience it fully, rather than overthinking what might happen."

Plus, close your mouth so you breathe through your nose – it naturally slows down your breathing so that your in-breaths and out-breaths are of equal lengths, balancing out the nervous system.

2. Acknowledge the gesture

Responding to a gift without having time to process it – especially if it’s something you’re not expecting or don’t think you like – can be tricky. "Shift your focus from the gift itself to the intention behind it," suggests Smriti.

"Asking where they got it, why it made them think of you and commenting on the effort they went to shifts the focus off your reaction."

3. Give personal gifts

If you worry about what to give others, remember that a great gift is never really about the amount of money you throw at it, it’s the thought behind it that really counts.

"Try to make the gifts you give personal," says Smriti. "That way you’ll show the recipient that you truly understand and appreciate them, and make them feel as comfortable as possible in the process."

4. Prepare a go-to phrase

Having something in mind to say immediately after unwrapping a gift will give you a second to pause and think. Try "This is so kind of you," says Smriti. "Even if you hate the gift, try to maintain gratitude, as often the momentary happiness it gives the giver is worth more than a great present."

5. Don't drink

Overindulging might seem like an easy way to ease the social anxiety that comes with giving and receiving gifts, but it can actually just heighten feelings of stress, depression and anxiety. Staying sober will help you feel more present and avoid feelings of regret and ‘hangxiety’ the following day.

6. Remember, you are worth it

If someone has given you something, it’s generally because they want you to feel special, not because they expect something in return. "Self-compassion is important, so don’t beat yourself up for feeling unworthy or guilty, but try to understand where those feelings are coming from," says Smriti.

"If feelings of self-worth persist or interfere with your daily life, it might be helpful to speak with a therapist – because we’re all worthy of kindness and generosity."