We're always keen to try life-improving habits, particularly ones from Mel Robbins. Bestselling author and creator of the Let Them theory, Mel regularly shares advice to help live life to the full, but we have to admit to feeling a little skeptical when she claimed to know the 'secret to never getting angry or bothered again'. But very open-minded to the idea.
While there are things to change in your home to reduce stress and unique tricks like sound healing to help stay calm, anything that can help keep the frustrations of life at bay is very welcome. And Mel says there are ways to stop getting angry and reduce the impact stress is having on your body.
What you have to realise, she said in a talk for Focus Fuel, is concentrate on the 'deeper' reason for your anger and then change "what you do" with the emotion.
She explained, "Most people think, 'I need to stop getting angry.' No! What you need is to understand why you're angry in the first place. Because here's the truth; you're not angry, you're tiggered. And there's a difference."
Maybe "someone cuts you off in traffic," or you get sent a snarky email from a co-worker, and it sends you into a rage. These things make you angry, but Mel says on a deeper level that it "represents" something else to you; "disrespect, being overlooked, not being heard."
So, Mel's "secret" is to separate the "trigger" from the anger it makes you feel. With them divided, you can recognise your anger, its cause, and therefore a solution. She says, "When you say 'I'm angry,' you stop looking deeper. But when you say 'I feel disrespected,' now we're getting somewhere."
It's easier said than done, as it is true of many of Mel's amazing insights, like her 'five-second rule' motivation hack and the brutal but true rules for a happier life she shared. But she has another "secret" that makes calming down and knowing how to deal with stress after a triggering event a lot easier.
"The second secret is this: pause. Don't react," she says. "That tiny moment between stimulus and response, that's your power. That's where change lives. You've got five seconds and if you can just hold the reaction, breathe, and think, you win. It's not about becoming a robot, it's about becoming in control.
"But here's the kicker," she says of her method. "It's a habit. You train your brain every single day. The more you pause instead of snapping, the easier it gets. The more you breathe through frustration, the more peace becomes your default."
You've also got to put in the work to stop anger rising up time after time. If you find yourself feeling disrespected by a certain "tigger" that keeps appearing, figure out how you can remedy it or stop letting it affect you. Maybe Mel's Let Them theory is what you need, or maybe you need to talk to your partner, your co-worker or your friend who's causing the emotion.
"It's about being strong enough to choose your response," Mel says of her method. "So, the next time life throws something at you - and it will - remember this: you've got five seconds. Breathe. Decide who's in control and choose peace."
