'I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry' - Zoe Ball reflects on grieving her mother after early estrangement

Zoe Ball often touches upon the challenges of grief during her Dig It podcast, hosted alongside fellow icon Jo Whiley.

In the run up to the festive period, Zoe shared with listeners how hard it was to face Christmas without her mum, who died from pancreatic cancer in 2024 at the age of 74.

More recently, the presenter has given an incredibly candid insight into the impact of grief, which was further complicated by the period of estrangement she had from her mother from a toddler, until the age of 18.

Zoe's mum, Julia Peckham, separated from her dad, Johnny Ball, when she was two years old. From the age of five, the star didn't see her mum again until she 18-years-old. During this time, she was raised by Johnny and her stepmother, Di.

According to The Mirror, Zoe once said, "Dad was always really cool about me seeing Mum if I wanted to. But although she sent birthday cards and presents, I never responded."

"Mum was around, and I knew she was there. But she had her life, and I had mine," she added. Pondering reasons her mum might've walked out on the family, Zoe shared, "She was young, didn't want to be a mum, so legged it. I can understand that."

The pair eventually came back together when Julia extended Zoe an invitation to her 40th birthday party.

Although the presenter recalls feeling she could "hardly breathe" before reuniting with her mum, wondering, "What if we hate each other?", all was well and they immediately slotted back into each other's lives.

Recently reflecting on this complex dynamic in their relationship in conversation with The Times, Zoe says, "I was only a little girl. I wonder sometimes whether that double whammy of losing her when I was young, and then losing her again … But we made up for that time."

Her mother's illness hit so fast, the presenter wonders if "she even managed to get her head around it." In the aftermath of Julia's death, Zoe has found herself feeling a lot of rage. "I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry," she says, adding, "I really felt like she deserved longer."

After Julia's funeral in May 2024, Zoe scattered some of her ashes at sea in Crete. "The rest of her ashes are on a shelf in my living room," she explains, while she works out the best place to put them.

Before she passed away, her mum gave Zoe an idea for where they could end up. "Put me in a bin. You’re gone! Put me in the bin," she told her daughter.

Zoe's response had been clear: "Mum, we are not putting you in a bin," adding, "I think I’ll take little bits to little places."

The presenter has a special place where she goes to take time to think about her mum and others she's lost. Owning a property on the South Downs, she walks there from her Brighton home.

"I sit down and have a little chat. I take flowers and stick them in the fence," she says of what she sometimes does on arrival at her second home. Zoe adds, "You’re just checking in with yourself, really, but there’s that lovely idea that you’re checking in with them."