By Faye M Smith
Not sure what is tantric sex, but sounds like something you might want to try? We don't blame you. It can be confusing. Most people associate tantric sex with Sting and his wife Trudie Styler, who once claimed they could have sex for five hours thanks to tantric sex. But, turns out, it's actually quite easy. So, if you've been relying on one of the best vibrators to help you have a multiple orgasm it might be time to try something else.
"Don't worry, tantric sex is a lot easier than you think," says sex and relationship guru Oloni, who is an official ambassador for the sexual wellness brand Lovehoney. "Tantric sex doesn't just work for millionaire musicians and their film producer wives! Couples have been enjoying Tantra for years – it allows you to experience multiple orgasms lasting 20 minutes each."
Here's everything you need to know about tantric sex...
What is tantric sex?
"Tantric sex is a Hindu practice dating back more than 5,000 years," says Oloni. "Tantra means 'the weaving and expansion of energy'. For now, we're simply going to explore the practical side of Tantra and how you can use its ancient exercises to boost your sex life."
Still not sure what is tantric sex? "Put simply, it is a slow form of sex that increases intimacy and can create a mind-body connection, which can lead to more powerful and prolonged orgasms," says Oloni.
Is tantric sex really worth learning?
"Yes!" says Oloni. "If you put more time and effort into sex, you will reach a higher and more intense form of ecstasy." Sounds good to us.
How to have tantric sex
Not sure where to start? "The key is not to focus too closely on your orgasm," explains Oloni. "Instead, prolong the foreplay for as long as possible before taking sex to its natural end."
And it's not as tricky as you might think. "Delaying orgasm can be difficult for some people, particularly men - but it can be done," says Oloni. "You can do this by using a variety of techniques including meditation, breathing exercises and massage."
10 steps to achieving tantric sex
Want to get started? Here's Oloni's top tips on achieving tantric sex...
- Prep the room. "Get some scented candles, turn off your phone and prepare to devote at least two hours to your lover."
- Loosen your body. "Tantra is about moving energy through the body, so shake your limbs vigorously to energise and unblock your system before you start."
- Stay off the bed. "This will trigger the sleep button in your brain. Tantra is not about a quick romp – you are seeking a deep connection. Get comfortable by lying on the floor with your partner using some cushions."
- Stimulate the senses. "Sight is the most powerful of the senses. It is important you look good. Wear some sexy lingerie and decorate the room with some fresh flowers. To help trigger your sense of smell, use oils like rose, ylang-ylang and jasmine. Sing to your partner or whisper intimately into their ear. Play their favourite music. And for taste, try eating melted chocolate, honey and fresh fruit. As the sex becomes more intimate, you should apply them to body parts and lick them off. And, of course, make sure you use touch and massage their extremities."
- Now get even more intimate. "Sit face-to-face – with the woman on the man's lap if this is comfortable. Wrap your hands tightly around each other and press your bodies against each other. This kind of skin contact promotes greater feelings of intimacy."
- Let the foreplay become more intimate. "Take your time and leisurely make your way around their body. Try a variety of touches – firm massage, light feathery touches, and gentle stroking. The aim here is to heighten your lover's senses in a slow and intense way so that you're building them up to a peak but stopping just short before the orgasm. Oral sex now is fine – but not to the point of climax. We are aiming to make the pleasure last for hours."
- Now stand up opposite each other. "Look in each other's eyes – place your left hand on your partner's heart. He should do the same to you. Match each other's breathing for at least two minutes."
- Try some role play and use a blindfold. "Take it turns: one should be submissive and one dominant."
- Progress beyond foreplay to intercourse. "Avoid any position that you know makes you orgasm easily. Work towards a gradual build-up of pleasure. The slower you take it, the more intense the orgasm will be at the end."
- As you are both reaching orgasm, slow your breathing down. "This will seem illogical – most of us breath more quickly as we approach climax. Women, in particular, can tense up at this stage of sex as they try to make themselves come. Instead relax your tummy and take long, slow deep breaths – your orgasm will last longer and be more intense."
What to do if tantric sex doesn't work for you
Not having the orgasm you deserve? "Don't give up," says Oloni. "If you don't last beyond 10 minutes, try again. Tantric sex takes time to get to grips with because we're all used to sex in a Western way. This means we expect sex to have an obvious start, middle and end. Use your imagination and your sex life can go off in all sorts of new directions. That’s Tantra!"
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