Meghan Markle reveals she feels ‘haunted’ by this iconic photograph, taken when she was having suicidal thoughts

The Duchess has opened up during her interview with Oprah

Meghan Markle and Oprah
(Image credit: Harpo/Getty Images)

Meghan Markle has revealed that she feels haunted by photographs of her and her husband Prince Harry taken at an official event, as she was experiencing suicidal thoughts at the time. 

In the bombshell interview, which aired in the US last night and will air in the UK this evening (Monday on ITV at 9pm), the Duchess of Sussex shared with the world her struggles with her mental health during the first few years after marrying Prince Harry.

She explained to TV host Oprah that at one point, she "could not feel lonelier".

Oprah then asked whether, at the time, she was having suicidal thoughts, or thinking about self-harm - to which the Duchess replied, "Yes. This was very, very clear. Very clear and very scary. I didn't know who to turn to in that."

Meghan even made reference to one event in particular - the premiere of Cirque du Soleil's Totem in support of the charity Sentebale at the Royal Albert Hall - which was set to take place just after she had told Harry how she was feeling.  

She said, "One of the things that still haunts me is this photograph that someone had sent me, we had to go to an official event at the Royal Albert Hall."

Meghan and Harry

(Image credit: Getty Images)

She explained, "Right before we had to leave for that [event], I had just had that conversation with Harry that morning", to which Oprah asked, "That you don't want to be alive anymore?", to which Meghan replied "Yes."

Meghan - who was five months pregnant with their son Archie at the time - continued, "A friend said, 'I know that you don't look at pictures, but oh my god, you guys look so great' and sent it to me."

But, she told Oprah, that zooming in to see the picture she realised "the truth of what that moment was."

Duchess Meghan, Prince Harry

(Image credit: Getty Images)

Revealing the reality of how she was feeling that night, the Duchess of Sussex explained that she went with Harry to the event as she did not want to be alone that evening.

"Every time those lights went down in that royal box, I was just weeping," she told Oprah. "He [Prince Harry] was gripping my hand, and said, 'Okay an intermission is coming, the lights are about to come on, everyone's looking at us again' - and you had to just be 'on' again."

"You have no idea what’s going on for someone behind closed doors. You've no idea."