By Amy Hunt
Meghan Markle has revealed that she feels haunted by photographs of her and her husband Prince Harry taken at an official event, as she was experiencing suicidal thoughts at the time.
- The Duchess of Sussex opened up about her mental health during her time as a royal in her new interview with Oprah.
- Meghan revealed that she told her husband that she "didn't want to be alive anymore".
- In other royal news, the Sussexes have revealed the gender of their new baby.
In the bombshell interview, which aired in the US last night and will air in the UK this evening (Monday on ITV at 9pm), the Duchess of Sussex shared with the world her struggles with her mental health during the first few years after marrying Prince Harry.
She explained to TV host Oprah that at one point, she "could not feel lonelier".
Oprah then asked whether, at the time, she was having suicidal thoughts, or thinking about self-harm - to which the Duchess replied, "Yes. This was very, very clear. Very clear and very scary. I didn't know who to turn to in that."
Meghan even made reference to one event in particular - the premiere of Cirque du Soleil's Totem in support of the charity Sentebale at the Royal Albert Hall - which was set to take place just after she had told Harry how she was feeling.
She said, "One of the things that still haunts me is this photograph that someone had sent me, we had to go to an official event at the Royal Albert Hall."
She explained, "Right before we had to leave for that [event], I had just had that conversation with Harry that morning", to which Oprah asked, "That you don't want to be alive anymore?", to which Meghan replied "Yes."
Meghan - who was five months pregnant with their son Archie at the time - continued, "A friend said, 'I know that you don't look at pictures, but oh my god, you guys look so great' and sent it to me."
But, she told Oprah, that zooming in to see the picture she realised "the truth of what that moment was."
Revealing the reality of how she was feeling that night, the Duchess of Sussex explained that she went with Harry to the event as she did not want to be alone that evening.
"Every time those lights went down in that royal box, I was just weeping," she told Oprah. "He [Prince Harry] was gripping my hand, and said, 'Okay an intermission is coming, the lights are about to come on, everyone's looking at us again' - and you had to just be 'on' again."
"You have no idea what’s going on for someone behind closed doors. You've no idea."
Amy Hunt is Life Channel Editor at womanandhome.com, having been with the brand since 2015. She began as the magazine's features assistant before moving over to digital as a News and Features Writer, before becoming Senior Writer, and now a Channel Editor. She has worked on either women's lifestyle websites previously too—including Woman's Weekly, Goodto.com, Woman, and Woman's Own. In 2019, Amy won the Digital Journalist of the Year award at the AOP Awards, for her work on womanandhome.com. She is passionate about everything from books, to homes, to food and the latest news on the royal family. When she isn't editing or updating articles on cleaning, homewares, the newest home gadgets, or the latest books releases for the website, she's busy burying her nose in a gripping thriller, practising yoga, or buying new homeware of her own.
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