Are you a people pleaser? Ronni Ancona reveals the satisfaction of saying 'no' in midlife

Referring to it as the 'the disease to please,' it took the comedian a long time to stop trying to please everyone

Ronni Ancona arriving for the premiere of the film 'Whats Love Got To Do With It' in London
(Image credit: Vianney Le Caer/Invision/AP/Alamy)

Are you a people pleaser? If you're nodding, then you definitely aren't alone. Comedian Ronni Ancona was once among the numbers of those suffering 'the disease to please', but decided enough is enough.

She's now eager to share just how much satisfaction there can be in saying 'no', as difficult as it can feel quite often. In midlife, Ronni has turned her people pleasing tendencies around.

Ronni Ancona: I'm learning to say no and stop being a people pleaser in my 40s | Second Act Podcast - YouTube Ronni Ancona: I'm learning to say no and stop being a people pleaser in my 40s | Second Act Podcast - YouTube
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Then, in the midst of her people pleasing, Ronni made a surprising discovery - 'the people who could say no garnered more respect'. And found, on the other hand, by constantly saying yes to people, 'you'd be manipulated and taken advantage of, and eventually, they don't respect you'.

Ronni went on to share that at the height of being unable to say no, she'd end up doing things 'half heartedly' because she had such a full schedule she couldn't 'properly concentrate'.

While she desperately didn't want to let anyone down and was preoccupied with what people would think of her for saying no, in finding that power, she made another realisation.

"It's not going to change people's evaluation of me," she says of whether she says yes or no to an engagement. Ronni suggests people have likely already formed an opinion of her, and that won't change even if she does continually try to please everyone.

Ronni Ancona

(Image credit: ANTHONY HARVEY/AFP via Getty Images)

Now, Ronni makes sure to say, 'honestly, I don't have time for this', when she doesn't want to do something. And she and Ateh discussed that Jane Fonda once referred to people pleasing as 'the disease to please'.

She feels the problem was also exacerbated by being indecisive. In asking for everyone's opinions when struggling to make a decision alone, Ronni also found this could contribute to feeling pushed into doing something she didn't want to do.

Making her own decisions and saying no on her own terms has also been liberating. "If I make a mistake, I make a mistake, but it's on my terms and I've made that decision, you know, and its having more confidence with that," she concludes.

Lucy Wigley
Entertainment Writer

Lucy is a multi-award nominated writer and blogger with seven years’ experience writing about entertainment, parenting and family life. Lucy worked as a freelance writer and journalist at the likes of PS and moms.com, before joining GoodtoKnow as an entertainment writer, and then as news editor. The pull to return to the world of television was strong, and she was delighted to take a position at woman&home to once again watch the best shows out there, and tell you why you should watch them too.

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