‘I felt ashamed’ - Sheridan Smith gives rare insight into ‘meltdown’ following a bereavement

Sheridan Smith is undoubtedly one of the finest, most versatile actresses of her generation.

From TV powerhouses such as I Fought The Law and Cilla, to owning the stage in the likes of Shirley Valentine and, currently, in the West End's Woman in Mind, she wows audiences with whatever she turns her hand to.

However, the actress has suffered personal heartache and once needed to take break from the West End production of Funny Girl in 2016 after her dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

She initially tried to continue with performances despite being desperate to take time away to spend with her father. The show was a sellout and Sheridan says at the time, she felt "you just can't" disappoint the audience.

"My mum had drilled into me: the show must go on," she said in conversation with The Guardian. She began drinking, recalling, "I was running away from a lot, straight to the bottom of a bottle. I was trying to get out of my own head." She did eventually miss a run of performances to visit her dad.

At this time she was nominated for a TV Bafta for The C Word, and host Graham Norton made a joke about her drinking during the ceremony. According to The Times she was by now drinking heavily and addicted to anti-anxiety medication.

Stopping the medication on the night of the Baftas, she was admitted to hospital with seizures.

After her dad died, Sheridan was hit with "double-grieving" - her brother Julian had also died from cancer at the age of 18, when she was just eight-years-old. She now refers to this time in her life as her "meltdown" and has recently opened up about her feelings towards it.

"I felt ashamed," she explains, adding, "and I still sometimes feel it, like, ‘Oh, I wish that part of my life hadn’t happened.’ But it did."

She adds, candidly, "It was a moment, and it doesn’t have to be the rest of my life." Sheridan continues, "But it follows you around. And actually, if you take ownership of it, it’s kind of cathartic."

For her current run in Woman in Mind, the actress has access to an organisation called Applause for Thought, who provide mental health support for actors and strategies for coping with the pressure they're under.

There was nothing similar available when Sheridan performed in Funny Girl, but she has no bad feelings towards the company.

"I don’t feel anything towards the [Funny Girl] company. It was totally on me, I take complete ownership of what happened," she says.

Sheridan adds, "But just having that support where you can just check in and say, ‘I feel a bit funny today’, it would hopefully stop someone from getting to that stage."

At this time in her life, Sheridan feels a lot more content, although is finds herself intensely drawn to playing middle-aged women in crisis, referring to it as a "theme."

She agreed to Woman in Mind partly due to being 44, "premenopausal" and identifying with her character Susan’s midlife struggles.

"I can relate to it," she says of the role, continuing, "because I’ve been there myself, I guess. It’s nice, when you’re out the other side, that you can bring all those elements that you felt at the time."

However, having recently moved back to the village she grew up in, with her son Billy, Sheridan says she's the "happiest I've ever been."

After living in London for 28 years, the move to Epworth sounds life-changing for her. "I know everyone in the village, so I can do the school run in my pyjamas. I just love it," she concludes.