Sarah Harding shares grief over not having children following terminal cancer diagnosis

Sarah Harding revealed she broke down in tears at the thought of never having children

LONDON, ENGLAND - MARCH 22: Sarah Harding arrives for the European Premiere of 'Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice' at Odeon Leicester Square on March 22, 2016 in London, England. (Photo by Mark Cuthbert/UK Press via Getty Images)
(Image credit: Mark Cuthbert/UK Press via Getty Images)

Sarah Harding has opened up about her sadness that she’ll never become a mother, following her terminal breast cancer diagnosis. 

The Girls Aloud singer, who recently celebrated a small victory in her treatment, detailed the sobering realization that she has lost the opportunity to have kids in her new memoir, Hear Me Out. 

Speaking on the phone with former bandmate Cheryl Cole, she suddenly became aware that having a family of her own is no longer a possibility. 

"I was saying how we never thought Nadine [Coyle] would be the first one of us to have a child, and that now three of them have kids,” she wrote. "It might seem odd to worry about not having children when I don’t even know how much of a life I have left, but it’s there.” 

The pop star admitted that this fear is one of the many ‘sad thoughts’ she’s had during this overwhelmingly difficult time. Even if she does survive the cancer, her fertility has been severely damaged by the intensive chemotherapy. 

LONDON - FEBRUARY 18: (L-R) Nadine Coyle, Kimberley Walsh, Sarah Harding, Nicola Roberts and Cheryl Cole of Girls Aloud arrives at the BRIT Awards 2009 at Earls Court on February 18, 2009 in London, England. (Photo by Mike Marsland/WireImage)

Sarah with her Girls Aloud bandmates in 2009 

(Image credit: Mike Marsland/WireImage/Getty)

"That treatment, harsh as it is, will have killed any chance I might have had. It’s making me cry just thinking about it,” she added. 

Sarah went on to reflect on her regrets over breaking up with her ex-boyfriend, Tom Crane. She became engaged to the DJ in 2010 after five years of dating, only to part ways nine months later. 

“I’ve never stopped blaming myself,” Sarah admitted. “Losing him was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but we just couldn’t seem to find a way through the impasse.” 

Sarah, who will turn 40 in November, decided to go public with her cancer diagnosis in August in the hope it will encourage other women to attend their health checks. She has since penned her life story in a poignant memoir, Hear Me Out, which hit shelves on March 18. The book is titled after a song on Girls Aloud’s second studio album and holds a special place in Sarah’s heart. 

“I’ve always really loved it. The lyrics have always meant a lot to me,” she told her 322k Instagram followers last February. 

Sarah is currently spending time at home with her mother, where she finds small pleasures in everyday life, like watching Family Guy episodes and drinking the occasional glass of wine. However, there is one wish she has that can hopefully be fulfilled once lockdown lifts. 

“'I think what I’d really like to do is to see everyone – all my friends, all together,” she wrote. “One last time. Then I’d throw a great big f*** off party as a way to say thank you and goodbye."