By Emma Dooney
Sarah Harding has opened up about her sadness that she’ll never become a mother, following her terminal breast cancer diagnosis.
The Girls Aloud singer, who recently celebrated a small victory in her treatment, detailed the sobering realization that she has lost the opportunity to have kids in her new memoir, Hear Me Out.
Speaking on the phone with former bandmate Cheryl Cole, she suddenly became aware that having a family of her own is no longer a possibility.
"I was saying how we never thought Nadine [Coyle] would be the first one of us to have a child, and that now three of them have kids,” she wrote. "It might seem odd to worry about not having children when I don’t even know how much of a life I have left, but it’s there.”
The pop star admitted that this fear is one of the many ‘sad thoughts’ she’s had during this overwhelmingly difficult time. Even if she does survive the cancer, her fertility has been severely damaged by the intensive chemotherapy.
"That treatment, harsh as it is, will have killed any chance I might have had. It’s making me cry just thinking about it,” she added.
Sarah went on to reflect on her regrets over breaking up with her ex-boyfriend, Tom Crane. She became engaged to the DJ in 2010 after five years of dating, only to part ways nine months later.
“I’ve never stopped blaming myself,” Sarah admitted. “Losing him was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but we just couldn’t seem to find a way through the impasse.”
Sarah, who will turn 40 in November, decided to go public with her cancer diagnosis in August in the hope it will encourage other women to attend their health checks. She has since penned her life story in a poignant memoir, Hear Me Out, which hit shelves on March 18. The book is titled after a song on Girls Aloud’s second studio album and holds a special place in Sarah’s heart.
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“I’ve always really loved it. The lyrics have always meant a lot to me,” she told her 322k Instagram followers last February.
Sarah is currently spending time at home with her mother, where she finds small pleasures in everyday life, like watching Family Guy episodes and drinking the occasional glass of wine. However, there is one wish she has that can hopefully be fulfilled once lockdown lifts.
“'I think what I’d really like to do is to see everyone – all my friends, all together,” she wrote. “One last time. Then I’d throw a great big f*** off party as a way to say thank you and goodbye."
Emma is a news writer for woman&home and My Imperfect Life. She covers the Royal Family and the entertainment world, as well as the occasional health or lifestyle story. When she's not reporting on the British monarchy and A-list celebs, you can find her whipping up vegan treats and running the roads to cheesy '90s pop music...but not at the same time, obviously.
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