Poorna Bell shares why we should prepare girls for the reality of lifelong commitment

Poorna Bell wins the Rising Star Award at Stylist's inaugural Remarkable Women Awards — (Image credit: David M. Benett/Dave Benett/Getty Images for Stylist)

Journalist and author Poorna Bell has made some compelling arguments about preparing girls and young women for the reality of marriage, rather than getting them 'hyped and excited' for the 'goal' of a lifelong commitment.

Appearing on an episode of Fearne Cotton's Happy Place podcast, Poorna shared her thoughts on marriage: "One of things that we do such a disservice, especially to women, is we get them so hyped up and excited for the goal of getting married and the wedding day, but we don't really have a chat, ever, about the practicalities of it. What are the realities of it?" she says.

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Fearne agrees, making another valid point that within a lot of marriages, responsibilities are not always shared equally: "The vast majority of heterosexual couples still find themselves in a role - whether the mum is at work or not, she'll take the lion's share of household duties, the emotional burden and responsibilities..

A mantra of Poorna's is, "Women want more, but they don't want more to do," which is celebrated by Fearne, and certainly an eye-opening phrase.

Emphatically, Fearne says, "That is such a clear definition of all of this. We should have the space to say, 'I want more for myself, but I don't want more to do - I really, really, don't.

"That still seems to be a massive issue, whether you're in a marriage or heterosexual partnership, with that discussion happening as to who is going to do what."

According to research from the University of Bath and the University of Melbourne, mothers and women overwhelmingly carry the mental load of responsibility all year round.

They found that mothers handle 71% of household tasks requiring mental effort, and take on 79% of daily jobs such as cleaning and childcare.

Parents often overestimate their contributions, but dads are likely to do this more than mums - men are more likely to see household mental labour as equally shared, while women disagree.

It's therefore really important that girls and young women are introduced to this less palatable side of marriage, instead of being sold an unrealistic dream.

Lucy is a multi-award nominated writer and blogger with seven years’ experience writing about entertainment, parenting and family life. Lucy worked as a freelance writer and journalist at the likes of PS and moms.com, before joining GoodtoKnow as an entertainment writer, and then as news editor. The pull to return to the world of television was strong, and she was delighted to take a position at woman&home to once again watch the best shows out there, and tell you why you should watch them too.

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