By Faye M Smith
Wondering what your sexual fantasies mean? Perhaps you're constantly having them in bed with your partner or maybe one has popped into your head and just won't go away? Then you've come to the right place. We can help get to the bottom of what your sexual fantasies mean and how to make them happen. Whether that's with one of the best vibrators or sex toys, or by some other equally fun method.
The good news is, whatever your sexual fantasies are from sex in the shower, tantric sex, to dressing up as a character from Harry Potter, they are all perfectly normal. "A fantasy may also involve people that we wouldn't be sexually attracted to or interested in in real life, but our fantasies don't always have to be something that we would want to act out in reality," says LELO's sex and relationship expert Kate Moyle. "We may only want to explore our fantasies with the safety and control of our imagination.”
Here's everything you need to know about what your sexual fantasies mean and how to bring them to life if you want to...
What do your fantasies mean?
Want to get to the bottom of your innermost thoughts and desires. Here's what your fantasies really mean.
You fantasise about…
It might sound strange, but one in 20 Brits have masturbated to a fictional character, found Lelo. “Our fantasies can stretch as far as our imagination can take us, and curiosity about fictional characters is not uncommon," says Kate. "Fictional characters are created and designed to connect with us in some way, and for us to be interested in. Even though we know that they are not real people, we relate to them and a part of this may be sexually, or by being sexually interested."
…Being caught having sex in public
"Being caught fulfils two fantasies, the taboo of having sex in a public place and the idea of voyeurs watching you," says psychologist Emma Kenny from killingkittens.com. "Fantasy is all about pushing boundaries and getting caught in the act plays on this."
…Cheating on your partner
"It’s natural, healthy and has no connection to cheating," says Emma. "The majority of women fantasise about sex with their man’s friends, father, work colleagues or pretty much anyone. You don’t have to tell your man that you’re imagining his best friend on top of you, we all have our secrets."
…Being sexually dominant
Secretly you’re turned on by some 50 Shades-style domination? "This fantasy is more commonly held by independent women who like the idea of handing power over to someone for a little while," says Emma.
…Someone in uniform
"Uniforms are synonymous with strength and knowledge and that’s a short cut mentally to feeling turned on by the anticipation of the body beneath the outfit," says Emma.
OK, so no one wants to admit to a crush on Stephen Mulhern or Anton Du Beke, but it happens. And it’s OK. In fact, one in ten of us have masturbated over a famous actor or actress at some point, found Lelo. "Fantasies regarding A-listers who you know through films mean that you can draw down scenes and make them sexy and translatable to you," says Emma. A survey by Bondara found the UK's most fantasied about male celebs include Tom Hardy, Idris Elba and George Clooney.
…Someone who is the same sex as you
"Fantasising about another woman doesn’t mean that you are gay or bisexual," says Emma. "In fact, 50% of women relate to involving another woman in their sexual imagination. That’s not to suggest these kinds of fantasies cannot become more physical, but the truth is that many fantasies remain in our heads."
…Having a threesome
"The idea of allowing more than one person to please you sexually at a time can feel like an exciting idea," says Emma. "More and more adults are experimenting with threesomes and as long as you are aware of the potential damage they can cause on occasion, then bringing them to life can boost your sex play. However, for many of us, simply imagining them can be titillating enough."
The top professions Brits fantasise over
Find your mind wandering at work? It's no wonder seeing as one in 20 Brits have fantasised over a co-worker at some point in time. In fact, the study by Lelo UK also revealed the top professions Britons fantasise over are...
- Exercise instructors
- Police officers
- Supermarket workers
- Delivery drivers
Women's biggest sexual fantasies – revealed
A recent survey by OnBuy.com discovered theses were the top sexual fantasies Brits want to try out...
- Sex in a Jacuzzi
- Sex in an elevator
- Sexy photoshoot
- Phone sex
- Car sex
- Bringing in a third party
- Sex on beach
- Watching porn with partner
- Using flavoured lube
- Writing FanFic for partner
How to help live out your sexual fantasies
Roleplay and dressing up can be one of the easiest ways to live out a fantasy with your partner. Here's how...
- Pick a power couple
Sex shouldn’t feel like reality, so you’ll get bonus points for using your imagination when it comes to choosing characters.
- Keep changing things up
"Everyone has a go-to fantasy and often the anticipation of knowing exactly what is going to happen is tantalizing," says Emma. "That said, sex should be evolving and that means creating lots of fantasy role plays."
- Go full out
"From accents to thigh-high boots, the more you work at it, the better it feels," says Emma. "I get my clients to go out separately and meet up as the characters they are playing. While you may have to keep a coat over the costume, it makes the experience more evocative."
- Add props
"Props such as a feather duster can add to play, but whether you go the whole caboodle is down to confidence. For many men, simply seeing you dressed in a provocative outfit will suffice."
Top 5 costumes for the bedroom
End of Tenancy London’s independent survey found these to be the most popular costumes when living out fantasies...
- French Maid
- Playboy Bunny
- School pupil
His fantasies revealed: why he loves the idea of you dressing up
Is your partner keen on seeing you dress up? Our expert Emma reveals why...
- The sexy maid
"Many are turned by the idea of power, and when defined roles exist such as maid and Master, ‘extras’ come into play."
- An air-hostess
"Think Mile High Club – stewardess are in control, tend to be good looking and there’s a ‘look but can’t touch mentality’."
- A nurse
"Doctors and nurses is standard porn fodder and also relates to the games we played as kids."
- Princess Leia in her gold bikini
"Dressing as the girl next door in chains is clearly going to promote kinky attraction."
- Anyone from Harry Potter
"This film is iconic and saw the characters grow from children into attractive late teens, therefore sexual projection occurs as often we bond with familiar characters from on screen." Who knew?
What does it mean if you never have fantasies?
"Some people don’t have sexual fantasies – that can mean that they are fully satisfied, or that they haven’t unlocked their sex play potential," says Emma. "Write down the things you think about while you masturbate as often you are far more fantasy focussed than you think."
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