'If it had been happening to men’s bodies…” – The cultural silence around baby loss, according to BBC’s Babies writer

Trigger warning: The following content contains references to baby loss some readers might find upsetting.

Babies has arrived on BBC One, a simple, unassuming title for what is a heart-rending glimpse into writer Stefan Golaszewski's own difficult path to becoming a parent.

The six-part drama, airing from 9pm on March 30, has Paapa Essiedu and Siobhán Cullen at the helm, as young couple Stephen and Lisa, who are suffering the often silent grief of baby loss.

The tender drama also serves to draw attention to society's apparently firm determination to keep this sort of trauma buried and hidden from view.

Charlotte Riley and Jack Bannon are also involved in the series, portraying Stephen's best friend Dave, and his girlfriend, Amanda.

Dave, as Stephen's childhood friend, offers a way to explore secondary themes of fractured male friendship and what happens when poor communication between men and lack of emotional intelligence collide - Dave's relationship with his son is collateral damage of the latter.

But what Babies really is at heart, is an ode to Stefan Golaszewski's own loss and grief, and how this will forever linger in his life and re-shape everything he does.

Babies | Official Trailer - YouTube

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Although the writer is keen to let viewers know they aren't watching an autobiographical depiction of his baby loss experience in Babies, they are looking at the product of how he worked through loss and grief.

Stefan shares that his excellent 2010 comedy-drama Him & Her was the last time he'd ever be able to write "with abandon" free from trauma.

Running for four seasons and starring the perfectly cast Sarah Solemani and Russell Tovey, Him & Her was a hilarious glimpse into the lives of a the laziest, most slovenly, but charmingly in love Steve and Becky.

When the character-driven show came to an end (the action rarely leaves Becky and Steve's flat,) Stefan hoped the show might return in some form, but grief and pregnancy loss put an end to that.

"That would no longer be possible," the writer told Radio Times of the show's possible continuation, adding, "I was unable to write with the same abandon. I would spend the next 10 years, and three TV shows, dealing with what had happened."

One of those shows was Mum, another series with a simplistic title to pack a hard punch. Lesley Manville stars in the sitcom about a woman coping with the aftermath of loss, and Stefan reveals he's only just realised the show "was really about me."

The shows that came between Him & Her and Babies were Stefan learning to "emotionally was to speak, again," while grief lay at their centre "like a sleeping lion."

Through the loss and now with three living children, Babies was another stage in the processing of challenging feelings for the writer.

Addressing why the world has such difficulty facing the emotions that come attached with baby loss, Stefan believes this comes from a general fear of talking about death in any form.

"It’s even harder to talk about because a lot of people don’t consider it to be death and they medicalise it," he tells The Guardian, adding, "There’s a disjoint between the personal experience and the societal reception."

Interestingly, he believes there's extra taboo attached to the subject because it's generally seen as a women's issue. "Maybe if it had been happening to men’s bodies for the past thousands of years it would have quite a totemic place in our society," he says.

Wanting to break down barriers to baby loss discussions and let people see similar experiences to their own reflected back at them, were more reasons the writer chose the subject to be the centre of his latest drama.

"Babies felt to me as I wrote it the culmination of a decade’s exploration into grief," he shares, referring to his non-linear grief as "a waveform."

The show also conveys a sense of hope and love. "It’s about the beauty and joy and complexity of sharing your life with someone you love," Stefan says, concluding that Babies is akin to a love letter to his wife, and how "we dragged each other across the wastelands of the apocalypse" while experiencing shared trauma.

Babies airs from Monday 30 March on BBC One and BBC iPlayer.

If you need support with baby loss, Sands have a range of resources to help.