‘It’s a dangerous compliment’: Expert reveals why we should re-think how we speak about women’s weight
Is it dangerous to compliment women on their weight? A Woman’s Hour chat reveals the reasons it could be
Former Skins and Game of Thrones actress Hannah Murray recently appeared on an episode of Woman's Hour, and among the important topics she discussed, how society approaches the topic of women's weight was one of them.
The episode garnered so much attention, because Hannah suggested that the only acceptable way for a woman to gain weight in today’s body-obsessed culture is when she's pregnant.
Due to the levels of engagement the former actress's comments caused, Women's Hour invited body confidence activist and author Alex Light to speak with host Anita Rani on the topic.
Alex makes some very insightful comments on why commenting on someone’s weight, or complimenting a woman's weight loss could be problematic or even "dangerous."
"For a woman in this society, our currency is our appearance, specifically tied to how thin we are," Alex begins.
She continues, "And so thinness is seen as the greatest moral achievement. And when someone achieves it, we don't really care how they've done it - it might be grief, sickness, or a dangerous environment."
No matter how women have reached the level of thinness society wants to celebrate, Alex says it will be commented on and complimented.
"It's so dangerous, that compliment," she says, continuing to explain, "It's something we need to look at and asses, how we speak about weight, and specifically, women's weight."
Alex also says the body positivity movement peaked a few years ago, and was a real "cultural moment where we were expanding the definition of beauty."
"It was an amazing opportunity for women to see themselves represented," she says, adding that she now believes the movement to be over.
"We saw that movement die off, and we saw it quite quickly," she says, adding, "I was naive and I thought it was here to stay."
Alex argues we've once again started to celebrate not only thinness, but also ultra-thinness.
The bottom line is, women are conditioned to judge each other by their weight, and to believe that when it's lost, a compliment will be a boost.
Many women commenting on the segment when it was shared to Instagram, suggest women collectively need to come together and stop commenting on weight in any capacity, in a bid to stop the obsession with this aspect of appearance.
Some shared stories of how their weight was commented on during the worst time of their lives. One woman wrote, "I was seeing a specialist and after a drug they prescribed me made me violently ill and I lost 50lbs very quickly. He said, 'Well congratulations! At least you look great!' I had internal bleeding."
Another added, "I've lost three stone in weight from grief and postnatal depression. I keep being told how amazing I look."
Offering an interesting perspective, another person said, "I no longer comment on friends’ weight loss, or on their bodies - full stop. I change the subject when their weight loss/diet talk starts, I'm no longer willing to support the harm."
"I follow weight-neutral and intuitive eating accounts, rather than anyone perpetuating the myth that intentional weight loss (by whatever means) is health-promoting, and possible to achieve and maintain."
