"Divorce needn't mean disaster" – these women share how they managed separate amicably

Divorce can be one of the most stressful, traumatic things anyone goes through in life, with huge upheaval, fear and uncertainty, leaving adults and children alike grappling with grief, anger and anxiety.

Sadly, it’s a common experience. In 2023, England and Wales recorded 102,678 divorces, according to the Office for National Statistics, and the US saw 672,502 divorces in 2022, with experts estimating nearly 70% of those splits were initiated by women.

Tens of thousands of families each year navigate not just the legal process but the emotional fallout, too. Yet while divorce can undoubtedly lead to conflict, hostility and drawn-out court battles, a growing number of couples are finding ways to separate more amicably. With collaborative legal approaches, coaching, and new forms of support, divorce is increasingly being reframed.

One couple, one lawyer

As a Family Law Barrister, Samantha Woodham was all too aware of the often intensely stressful, horribly slow and painfully expensive process of getting divorced when she pioneered a new legal approach.

In 2017, together with fellow barrister Harry Gates, she set up The Divorce Surgery – the first UK law firm to offer a service where one lawyer advises both parties. This has transformed the process for many families.

“By sharing a lawyer, you’re enabling each of you to have a voice but not an argument – you’re delegating the job of discovering what is fair to an expert who is impartial and whom you rate. You’re also likely to halve your legal costs by sharing a lawyer instead of having one each," Samantha says.

“It gives couples an easy narrative to dial down the drama by saying to friends and family, 'we’re doing this together and sharing a lawyer, please don’t pick sides because we aren’t.’”

Collaborative approaches

Many legal practices now offer this one-lawyer approach. But, even when two lawyers remain involved, there are still ways to make the process collaborative instead of combative, as Claire Macklin, 52, found after her sudden divorce 17 years ago.

“When my husband left in March 2008, it was a bolt from the blue," she says. "The evening had started as normal, but I could sense something was wrong. When I asked if he was okay, he replied, ‘No, not really. I’ve been seeing someone else.’ By 10pm, he had left the house. I was devastated.

“Despite the brutal start to our separation, I quickly realised I had a choice about how I dealt with it. I did not want the divorce to define me – I wanted to swim, not sink,” says Claire.

So, she chose to focus on what she could control, to stay calm and never to email when angry. She also strived to ensure she approached interactions with a happy, rather than bitter, intent.

“The strategies I used all meant I could put my feelings aside when I communicated with my soon-to-be ex. We were able to agree that the children's emotional wellbeing needed to be at the centre of all our decisions and to focus on that,” Claire says.

Divorce coaching

“As a result, we used a collaborative divorce process where we both had a solicitor, but we met around a table with a commitment to avoid courts.

"This enabled us to work together to resolve our finances between us, rather than being adversarial, and we were able to agree on the aspects of the divorce involving the children between ourselves without legal input,” continues Claire.

Having gained many powerful insights from her own collaborative experience, Claire set up as a Divorce Coach in 2017. She has since coached hundreds of clients on everything from scenario planning conversations to creating clear visions for the future, frequently working alongside solicitors, financial advisers and other divorce professionals.

Lisa, 55, from Cornwall, engaged Claire as her Divorce Coach when she split from her husband in 2018 after 21 years of marriage. She found her advice invaluable in navigating this legal and emotional maze with less friction than expected.

“I was scared and angry at the start of the process and had huge amounts of fear and heartache. Unable to sleep and running on adrenaline, I was facing a very frightening and uncertain future,” shares Lisa.

“With a lot of big life decisions ahead, I‘m so glad I invested in divorce coaching from Claire. She helped me build a strong vision for what a life well lived could look like.

“Our work together also enabled me to act in a more assured and different way when meeting my ex as we navigated shared childcare of our youngest son, then aged 13.

“Claire showed me that every challenge presented choices I could make to move forward with a feeling of confidence. She also helped me prepare what to say during scenarios I was fearful about facing.”

Holistic support

Further support is also available from Divorce Doulas such as Farhana Hussain, who combines practical strategy with simple somatic tools like breathwork and movement. She works with clients on their body, mind, and inner strength to help them feel calm, clear, and confident through the divorce process and ready to rebuild their lives.

Nectaria, a 46-year-old fitness professional, credits Farhana with transforming what could have been a traumatic ordeal into a manageable experience when she filed for divorce in 2022 after nine years of marriage.

“Farhana taught me simple breathwork, which helped hugely when I was panicked or frozen. It calmed my nervous system so I could think clearly again. I still use it today,” shares Nectaria.

“Without Farhana, the guilt and shame might have crushed me. I was ready to accept breadcrumbs just to get the divorce over with, but she reminded me of my value, steadied me at my most fragile and reminded me of my strength. That changed the outcome of my settlement and my future.

“She helped me regulate my body, reframe my worth, and start to build a new vision for myself and my son.”

In a world where bitter legal battles seem to dominate the divorce narrative, these stories provide a welcome counterpoint. They show that divorce can be navigated in a way that preserves dignity, minimises conflict, and protects future connections – especially when children are involved.

The key isn’t avoiding separation, but approaching it collaboratively, respectfully, and constructively as a new life chapter begins.