'I can't stop wishing I was my younger self again – what can I do?'

You may have noticed a big trend on social media at the moment for 2016 nostalgia, with celebrities and non-famous people (many of them in their 20s and 30s) sharing photos of places they travelled, what they wore and what they were up to.

While testing our 2016 knowledge has been fun, the trend has also proven oddly triggering and confusing for some of us midlife women. As woman&home ecommerce editor Heidi Scrimgeour says, "If you, too, are feeling dizzy as the waves of nostalgia break all around you, I see you. It feels discombobulating because it is; it reminds us, sometimes sharply, of the fact that we are no longer the young ones."

The reader who wrote in for this column has been thinking a lot about a time when she was young and carefree, and found herself yearning more and more for a simpler time. I gave her some advice about navigating this common urge and underlying feelings.

Am I dwelling on the past too much?

The reader said, "I am in my late 50s and although I have a comfortable, happy life – a husband who loves me, a nice house and an adult son who lives at home – I’m becoming increasingly nostalgic.

"It’s almost as if I have just realised I am growing older. I find myself looking at photographs of me when I was younger and wishing I was still at that stage of my life. My husband tells me it’s not healthy to dwell on the past and I need to start living in the present, but I can’t see what there is to look forward to."

Nostalgia is normal

I had a long conversation with my ex-boyfriend on the phone last night. After complaining about his hearing aid for 20 minutes, dodgy knees and an eye infection, he caught me completely off guard by saying, "We’ve known each other for 30 years this year. We’ve had so much fun together, haven’t we?"

At which point I burst into tears. Because life in your 50s can be so hard, and nostalgia can catch you at your lowest point, when you least expect it to.

Believe me, you’re not alone in having that pang of longing for the days when everything felt a little fresher, a little brighter and, let’s be honest, a little more exciting.

Like you, I’m a bit prone to melancholy… but that’s exactly the point at which I take myself by the collar and have a stiff word with myself. And I hope you’ll forgive me if I do the same with you too.

Grieving the loss of old you

Your husband makes a good point, by the way – and he’s absolutely right about living in the present moment. It really is the only way. But telling someone not to dwell on the past is a bit like saying ‘Stop being depressed’. It’s not that simple.

You’re not just missing your younger self – you are grieving a version of you that, in some ways, feels lost. The photos you’re looking at aren’t just snapshots – they are stories, moments of possibility, little windows into a time when you felt vital and optimistic.

I find one of the hardest things about reaching midlife is dealing with the fact that the world doesn’t see us the same way any more.

But here’s the truth – that vibrant, curious, adventurous woman is still very much alive. Your nostalgia is a reminder that you have lived, loved and been bold enough to chase after what you wanted. How fabulous is that?

Shift your focus

So, instead of yearning for what’s been, I want you to shift your focus. Rather than feeling that this younger version of you is gone forever, what if you treated her like an old friend? Visit her in your mind, have a little chat, reminisce, but then come back and think about how she would want you to live now.

Would she want you to feel stuck in a loop of sadness? No! I bet she’d be saying, "Get out there, girl! You’ve still got it!"

One thing I can highly recommend is Noon – the online community founded by journalist Eleanor Mills. It’s the home of the ‘Queenager’, and is dedicated to empowering women in midlife and beyond. One of the most brilliant things about it is that it offers resources, events, retreats and courses that support and encourage women through the challenges of the second half of our lives. And you may just make some new mates too.

Remember, you are still the woman in those photos. And she has plenty of new stories left to write. One day, when you’re in your rocking chair, you may well look back at the memories you make now and say, "That was the best time of my life."

Anna advises our readers on relationship issues of all sorts, such as friends moving away, disputes with neighbours, addressing health concerns for a loved one and navigating an empty nest, with a new Ask Anna column published in woman&home magazine every month.

If you would like help with a problem, email askanna@futurenet.com or leave a voice note at hello@itcantjustbeme.co.uk and mention you’re a woman&home reader. Note that Anna may choose your dilemma to discuss on her podcast, It Can't Just Be Me.