‘I have hidden it at all costs’: Ruthie Henshall shares the devastating condition she developed because of childhood trauma

The following content contains descriptions of childhood abuse and trauma that some readers might find distressing.

Ruthie Henshall has been a theatre star and TV personality for 40 years, dominating the West End and Broadway and winning a prestigious Laurence Olivier Award.

While audiences have flocked to see her perform for decades, the star has now revealed she's been living with a devastating condition that developed as a result of childhood trauma.

"I haven’t had full brows since I was 10, when I started to ritualistically pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows," Ruthie tells The Telegraph. She adds, "I suffer from trichotillomania (or trich), a compulsive form of hair pulling."

The actress explains that people with the condition "pull hair from their head, eyebrows or eyelashes" and "women are affected by it 10 times more than men."

Ruthie shares that having trich "has caused me enormous distress for most of my life." Being in an industry that values looks, she has often struggled to cover up the condition, making up excuses for her missing eyebrows and lashes, wondering if people "can tell I’m lying."

She says that even on the occasions she's been truthful about her condition and has been offered compassion and understanding, "the shame persists."

Now, after having "hidden it at all costs," Ruthie is speaking out about the condition to "take away the shame for so many others" who are living with it.

Devastatingly, Ruthie developed trich after suffering abuse at the hands of a family member as a child. "I was hiding a secret that has impacted my entire life," she shares, adding, "An uncle by marriage abused me. The first time was when I was six, and it was pretty violent."

She kept what happened to herself, and didn't reveal it to her parents until she was in her 30s. The relative in question is no longer alive.

Afterwards, Ruthie "didn't want to become attractive to men" and was "horrified" when she hit puberty and her body began to change.

Her own home also felt unsafe to her as a child, with her mother suffering from issues with alcohol. "My childhood was full of drunken rows, domestic violence and suicide threats," she recalls.

Pulling out her eyebrows and lashes then became a calming compulsion to a child dealing with so much trauma. "Trich has a high overlap with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety and depression," she says.

Ruthie adds, "It happens when I’m bored, restless and, before I realise it, my hand is up to my eyelashes and eyebrows."

When her mother noticed what she was doing, she shouted at her and made her daughter wear gloves in a bid to prevent the pulling.

Of course, this method didn't work because Ruthie was suffering from a mental illness and wasn't able to stop without specialist intervention, although she has never managed to find a professional who can help.

Explaining her compulsion, the actress shares, "It has to be a single eyelash or brow hair at a time. The thickest, strongest one. You can’t pull out a clump, willy-nilly."

She continues, "It's impossible to stop even if your eyelids bleed. If it doesn’t hurt, it’s not satisfying. Only when I’ve pulled them all out can I relax.

"Sometimes I place the root between my teeth to strip the root from the sheath. But then I think, 'This must look repulsive,' Which brings immense sadness. So I have hidden it at all costs."

In adulthood, the longest Ruthie has ever managed to hold back her compulsion is six months. "I’ve seen so many experts over the years," she says, but none have been able to help.

"You feel so deflated. With most addictions, you can stop. I went to 12-step programmes for years myself. But there is no cure for this," she says.

The actress has spent time worrying she might've "passed down" the condition to her two daughters, and wishes there was more support available for sufferers.

"Over the years, I’ve spoken to other people with trich, and they feel the same shame. I wish it was like Alcoholics Anonymous, where you have a sponsor, somebody to phone or text and say, 'I’m in the middle of a pulling session,'" she says candidly.

Ruthie still "dreams" of someone telling her they can "fix" her, concluding, "I suppose it goes back to my childhood when I was desperate for someone to make me feel safe."

The NHS advice for those with trich says, "Trich is commonly treated using a type of CBT called habit reversal training. This aims to help you replace a bad habit with something that's not harmful."

They say, "It may also help to open up about your trich to people you trust, as hiding it can sometimes make your anxiety worse.

"Many people who have learned to manage their trich say that speaking to others about the condition led to a reduction in hair pulling."

There is information on treatments and self-help advice on the OCD UK website.