'A red flag means get out': Lorraine Pascale candidly speaks about surviving coercive control
The broadcaster warns about the dangers of being in a controlling relationship, sharing advice for women who find themselves in one
Former model and TV chef Lorraine Pascale has now shifted her career focus to study for a Doctorate in Counselling Psychology and Psychotherapy.
Her thesis is on feeling safe in relationships, and she's specialising in coercive control as part of her studies, after being a victim of this type of abuse herself.
Lorraine recently appeared on the Second Act podcast to share her experience and offer advice to women who recognise they are in a controlling relationship and aren't sure what to do.
She explains that her abusive relationship wasn't made public and the press didn't know about who it was with. "I do consider myself to be strong, and not to be the person to get into those type of relationships," she says.
Lorraine adds that coercive control is "stealth - it's so subtle, it's so persuasive, it's so enticing, but then ultimately it's really dangerous."
She continues, "For those of you who watch true crime, you'll see that so many of the homicides started as coercive relationships."
Sharing the "best advice" she was given when she became a victim of coercion, Lorraine says, "Write everything down that happens," although acknowledges this can be difficult.
If a person being controlled is concerned about writing things down that might be found, Lorraine shares, "I know people who will send a text to a friend and then delete the text, so the friend can keep the record."
She says that "people don't understand just how easy it is" to get into a controlling relationship, and how just as hard it is to get out once someone recognises what is happening.
Lorraine likens the "intermittent reward" of controlling relationships as "addictive" and like "slot machines."
She explains, "You lose, you lose, you lose and then you win - and the win feels so good, and is so addictive."
Lorraine also calls not just for women to be educated about how to spot and get out of abusive partnerships, but also for men to be educated to prevent it happening.
"We need education for men, men in the workplace, for boys, everything, because it's just not there," she says.
Speaking about the practice of "love bombing," which is where a new partner showers someone with extreme affection, attention and grand gestures to gain control, Lorraine says manipulative tactic can feel "delicious."
"They're listening to me, they're buying me gifts, they're all over me," she says to demonstrate what can go through people's minds when they're being love bombed.
"A red flag means get out, don't think about it," she says, but understands this can be easy to say and difficult to actually do.
If you're experiencing coercive control or are concerned about somebody who is, women can call The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for free at any time, day or night. Alternatively, women can email helpline@womensaid.org.uk – staff will respond to your email within 5 working days.
