"I created World Childless Week to help women just like me"

“When I found out that I wasn’t going to be a mum, it felt like I couldn’t escape kids and families. From adverts to walking on the street, everywhere I looked, I was reminded of the one thing I couldn’t have,” says Stephanie Phillips, 58, founder of World Childless Week (15-21 September).

“I was 37 years old when I started trying to have a baby with my husband, Tim*. We didn’t tell friends or family that we were trying to conceive. As the months passed without any luck, I put on a brave face, celebrating loved ones as they announced their pregnancies.

“It felt like everyone around me was living my dream. ‘If it’s my fault, will you leave me?’ I asked Tim one evening. ‘Of course not,’ he cried, hugging me.

“After two painful years, we saw a doctor and the results confirmed that I was infertile. We were both devastated.

“Although we were offered IVF as an option, I knew that by the time all of the tests and procedures had been carried out, I’d be 40, which was the cut-off age for IVF at the time.”

Navigating the pain

“Trying to come to terms with the fact that I’d never be a mum was incredibly tough. Neither Tim nor I knew how to cope with the situation. I felt like a failure – there wasn’t anyone talking about being childless not by choice. I felt so unseen by society.

“I finally found my people through various Facebook support groups. Using it as an outlet for my grief, I connected to women who were just like me. The connection was invaluable. I had others who were validating my emotions and pain and I no longer felt alone.

“I found my voice and confidence in these groups, forming special friendships with women all over the world.

“I continued chatting on the groups regularly and over the years, things became a little easier.

"One day in 2017, I noticed that there was a fertility awareness week in the US and UK. I kept an eye on the website and social media each day, waiting to see some information about those who would remain childless for life, but there was nothing. It was just discussing different options for those wanting to become parents.”

Creating a movement

“So, I decided to create a day dedicated to those who are childless not by choice. Picking a date was hard – I wanted to avoid months like March and June due to Mother’s and Father’s Days.

"Online, I found out that 16 September is the most common birthday, so I figured out this would also be the most common date for people who were due to give birth, but didn’t end up doing so. They would be grieving.

“As I got the ball rolling, I quickly realised one day wouldn’t be enough, so I turned it into World Childless Week, making sure it would fall on the week whenever 16 September is.

“Reaching out to people in the community, I asked them to submit something – a piece of art, a poem or a story – about their own experience of being childless. ‘This is your chance to share without the repercussions of fear or shame,’ I wrote. Within the first week, I had over 100 submissions!

“The week went incredibly well. Each day, I wrote about a different topic related to being childless, posting them on our Facebook page. It felt good to start up topical conversations online for the world to see – and to raise awareness of our community, which we often felt was invisible."

An overwhelming response

“The response was overwhelming. Women in their 70s and 80s were messaging, saying that this was the first time they realised they existed. ‘I’ve been grieving alone for so many years,’ one wrote. ‘I finally feel understood,’ another said.

“Tim, my number one supporter, was by my side for it all, telling me how proud he was.

“I knew how important this movement was for the entire community. It gave glimmers of hope to those navigating their childless journey, reminding them that they’re about to embark on wonderful new chapters and experiences that don’t involve being a parent.”

Success and acceptance

“In the second year, someone from the community built a website for us, allowing us to spread the word further. Each year, World Childless Week has grown bigger and it now reaches over 100 countries. Now in its ninth year, I’m so proud of how it has evolved and it feels quite surreal to know that I’m the one behind it all.

“Being childless needs to be normalised. I’ve met so many wonderful people through the community who have given me the strength to get through the dark days and I hope I’m passing that courage on to others like me.

“I definitely have more of an acceptance and understanding of being childless. It’s something I’ll never be fully over, but I’ve ventured on different paths that are just as rich and joyful.”

* Tim’s name has been changed for his privacy