I do all the ‘right’ things, but my stress levels are through the roof - I asked a neuroscientist to explain why

There’s no doubt about it: life is stressful. I’m a busy mum of three, juggling work, a hectic home, a husband, a dog, ageing parents, and perimenopause - the list goes on. And so far, so normal. I’m not extraordinary, but it’s still a lot.

They say the body keeps the score - and this couldn’t ring truer for me. As a health writer, I’m lucky enough to be able to trial the most advanced health tests in gleaming London clinics for a living - and they’re all telling me the same thing: I’m chronically stressed.

Even my wearable tech agrees. I’ve been wearing an Oura ring for a couple of years now, and each morning I look at my data. Reader, it’s not a pretty sight. We’re not talking obvious signs such as high blood pressure (mine has always been low) or trouble sleeping, but quieter, insidious markers like heart rate variability and resting heart rate.

Yet I feel as if I’m doing everything right. I have a healthy, balanced diet, rarely drink, I’ve never smoked, and I work out a few days a week. At my wits' end, it’s clear I need to get to the bottom of what’s really going on, so I turned to neuroscientists Nicole Vignola and Dr Emilė Radytė for their take.

What is chronic stress?

“Chronic stress is when your nervous system is stuck in a threat-ready state for too long,” explains Dr Emilė. “Biologically and at the brain level, it describes a prolonged activation of stress circuits (cortisol, adrenaline, sympathetic nervous system) without adequate recovery. Over time, stress stops being a response and becomes a baseline state.”

It’s clear that my body and brain are now so conditioned to be in a stress-activated mode, it’s my ‘normal’. And the symptoms, interestingly, aren’t necessarily ones you’d expect.

"Chronic stress doesn’t always feel like panic or overwhelm,” notes Vignola. “More often, the signs show up across thinking, mood, body, and behaviour, and they’re often subtle at first.”

We’re talking about things like:

• Brain fog or feeling mentally “slower” than usual
• Difficulty concentrating or holding attention
• Forgetfulness or poor working memory
• Irritability or low tolerance for small things
• Feeling wired but tired
• Non-restorative sleep or frequent night waking
• Low heart rate variability or elevated resting heart rate
• Digestive issues (bloating, IBS-type symptoms)
• Frequent headaches, muscle tension, or jaw clenching
• Difficulty resting without guilt
• Feeling productive but not regulated
• Needing stimulation to switch off (scrolling, snacking, wine)

These are all early signs of burnout, which takes a toll on physical and mental wellbeing. Studies show that long-term, unresolved stress impacts brain function, gut health, immune health and more. Over time, it causes burnout, inflammation in the body, which can lead to cardiovascular disease, autoimmune conditions and even an increased risk of certain types of cancers.

What causes chronic stress?

It probably won’t surprise you to hear that chronic stress is extremely prevalent in women, and often under-recognised. According to research from Wild Nutrition, a staggering 65% of women feel stressed daily, with nearly a quarter of women (22%) describing their stress levels as high.

While our stressors are all individual, women carry more cortisol than men. “One of the biggest reasons chronic stress shows up more in women is due to cognitive load – basically, how much your brain is carrying all the time,” explains Vignola. “Things like planning, anticipating, remembering, tracking, managing, emotionally regulating - all the invisible tabs open in your mind. From a neuroscience perspective, this kind of load keeps the prefrontal cortex continuously switched on.

“Known as an ‘open loop’, there’s no clear finish line - and the brain really struggles with that. Open-loop stress (or fatigue) is a psychological phenomenon where unfinished tasks, unfulfilled commitments, or unresolved situations consume cognitive resources, leading to anxiety, mental clutter, and decreased productivity.”

Add in rampant hormone fluctuations in midlife, and you’ve got a cortisol-spiking cocktail of chronic stress.

“Chronic stress often feels worse at certain life stages, especially during perimenopause and menopause, but not because women suddenly become less resilient,” shares Vignola. “Oestrogen has a buffering effect on the brain’s stress systems, helping the prefrontal cortex keep a lid on stress responses and dampening amygdala reactivity. When oestrogen becomes more variable, that buffer thins. What that means in real life is that stress hits harder and lingers longer.

“Sleep is often disrupted at this stage, which further reduces the brain’s ability to regulate emotions and shut down cortisol the next day. So even familiar stressors can suddenly feel louder and more draining.”

Ways to cope with chronic stress

Real recovery is not just productivity with wellness on top, cautions Dr Radytė. There are no quick fixes. “The solution is about changing signals to the nervous system, not just adding more coping strategies," she tells me. "This is because chronic stress lives below conscious awareness in your brain. You can be doing yoga, eating well, exercising and still have a nervous system that learned, years ago, that the world isn’t predictable or safe.”

1. Resolve where you can

“Stress responses are designed to start and finish,” shares Vignola. “Movement, shaking, walking, stretching, or even strong exhalations help the brain register that a stress cycle has ended. This is why people often feel better after moving their body, not because they’ve ‘burnt off’ stress, but because the brain gets a signal of resolution.”

2. Reduce cognitive load

“We have to reduce cognitive load, not just add self-care,” cautions Vignola. “Chronic stress is often maintained by too many open loops - things you’re responsible for but haven’t completed or can’t control. Writing things down, externalising plans, sharing responsibility, or clearly closing tasks gives the brain an off-signal. Fewer mental tabs open is often more regulating than another breathing exercise.”

3. Build in down time

We know: this is easier said than done, but it is a vital part of chronic stress recovery.

“The brain needs repeated experiences of non-demand. Time where nothing is expected of you, nothing needs improving, and there’s no outcome to manage,” says Vignola. “This might look like unstructured time, playful movement, novelty, or doing something with your hands. These states quiet the prefrontal cortex and allow the nervous system to shift out of vigilance.”

4. Prioritise sleep

Sleep is, in essence, a safety signal for the brain and the body, and prioritising sleep and circadian rhythm is non-negotiable, Vignola advises.

“Consistent sleep and morning light exposure directly regulate cortisol timing and autonomic balance. Without this foundation, the brain struggles to tell day from night and stress from safety.”

5. Reorganise your life

This is where the hard work lies: real recovery requires change.

“Chronic stress often requires reorganising life, not just coping with it,” shares Vignola. “That might mean changing boundaries, reducing responsibilities, addressing misalignment, or letting go of roles that keep your nervous system on constant alert. The brain adapts to the environment it’s in. If the environment doesn’t change, the stress response won’t either.”