Would you live with your parents and kids all under one roof?

Nothing kills that Sunday morning, post-bonk dance around the kitchen quite like having your dad pad into the room and say ‘Oh, are we having pancakes?’ before helping himself to some maple syrup and criticising your moves.

Inviting my dad, Bryan, now 81, to move home from Malaysia and live with me, my husband Gaz, 42, and son Heli, two, 12 years ago has been eventful. We bought a farmhouse in Wiltshire and converted the cowshed for Dad. He looked after me when I was a child, so it felt right to return that gift.

I cherish our nature walks around the garden, but have also cried, fumed and sulked, because the old man sure can trigger me.

Moving my dad and sister in

When the pandemic forced my sister Tammi, now 48, home from Thailand, we offered her sanctuary and she never left. Now Gaz and I are parents, our multigenerational abode has come into its own. Heli adores Grandad and Aunt Tam Tam, and we get incredible support with the logistics of parenthood.

Multigen living benefits all involved. Lonely people are more likely to die early from all causes, according to a review of over 90 studies.

My dad has gone from living alone on the other side of the world for 20 years to being surrounded by family. He moved to Malaysia for the warmth and lifestyle, and I used to visit several times a year. But when my career and family life took over, my visits became less frequent – and he began to feel lonely.

When he decided it was time to return to the UK, it made sense to us both to move in together. Pooling resources makes the rising cost of living less painful.

In some cultures, multigen living is normal, but in the UK it hasn’t been seen as desirable – until now.

Figures from the ONS suggest that the number of multigenerational households in the UK rose from 325,000 in 2001 to 590,000 by 2021. Adult children living with their parents was at an all-time high, attributed to living costs and relationship breakdowns.

Yet even when the situation is a necessity, studies still suggest an improvement in mental health.

In our house, it’s not plain sailing. I wish Dad would stop misplacing his tools and blaming us. He doesn’t always listen, and can make me feel like a child again by criticising my intelligence or calling me a ‘clot’. These things would not bother me if I saw him infrequently, but when they happen every day, they pile up.

But Tammi cooks up delicious dinners, Gaz is everyone’s IT support, and Dad’s knowledge of wiring and electricity is encyclopaedic. We’ve had more games of Rummikub than arguments and we are all less alone.

If a future Heli and his family want to live with me one day, I’ll be flattered. I promise never to blame them when I lose something and, if they are having pancakes, I’ll wait to be invited!

We built an annex when my marriage broke down

Louise Hamilton, 45, a nurse, bought a three-bed semi-detached house in Surrey in February 2014. Her parents, Jenny, 75, and John, 76, paid for an extension that became their annex.

"Six months after we bought our home, my marriage unexpectedly broke down," says Louise. "The plan was always to build my parents an annex, so having them there to help me emotionally and with my daughter, Ferne, then two, was a lifesaver.

"The first few months were turbulent. My head was a mess and so was the house while we knocked down the garage and built the annex.

"We had to establish boundaries and that took time, having separate living space while also spending quality time together.

"I own the house, but we had it revalued after the extension then worked out what percentage would ‘belong’ to my parents, which is recorded in my will.

"Newly single, I went on lots of dates, and while grateful for the babysitting, I sometimes felt my parents were judging me – dating apps horrified them. The fact it was thanks to my parents that I could go out at all was not lost on me, but I needed to adjust to living with them again in my 30s, having left home at 16.

"It sometimes felt like living in a goldfish bowl, with my parents suddenly knowing my every move again. I didn’t like feeling like I’d lost independence and autonomy."

"Ferne, now 12, is neurodiverse, and discussing concerns with Mum and Dad has been invaluable.

"I come home to find Mum has done our laundry and tidied our kitchen, and Dad has fixed something we broke, and I’m so grateful.

"Dad is a quiet man, so he was not happy when I got a puppy, Olly, seven years ago. Dad loves structure, order and routine, and puppies don’t, but he has grown to love Olly. A year ago, we got another dog, Roxy, who Dad is now also very fond of.

"I call Mum our fairy godmother as she does so much to keep our house running. Dad is pragmatic and helps me make good life decisions. When Ferne is old enough to leave home, I would like to have options to do a place up with a partner or travel, but I don’t want to leave my parents. Feeling torn makes me feel guilty and ungrateful, but there’s no point worrying about the future."

Louise's mum, Jenny, says: "Since Ferne was a toddler, she has been free to come and go from our part of the house and I love that. Because Louise is a single, working mum, I like being able to keep her side tidy.

"My husband and I are financially secure, so we don’t live how we do for monetary reasons – we do it to help Louise. We feel privileged to be in a position to remain close to Louise and take a big role in Ferne’s life."

My son's family moved in while they renovated

Author Katie Fforde, 72, invited her son Guy, 47, and his family to live with her and her husband Desmond, 77, in their Cotswolds home while Guy’s house was being renovated. Her book, From London with Love, is out now.

"With a big renovation imminent on Guy and Anastasia’s new house, Desmond and I welcomed Guy and family into our home with open arms. They arrived in November 2023, when their son Dessie was five and daughter Mila 18 months. They all slept in our two attic bedrooms, but Guy set up his office in our dining room and we all shared the sitting room, so there was nowhere to go but your bedroom if you needed a moment," shares Katie.

"After six months, Anastasia’s mum, Luda, flew over from Siberia and joined us for four months. Her trip was initially timed to take place after Guy and Anastasia had moved back into their renovated house, but building delays meant that it instead happened while they were still living with us. She was lovely but didn’t speak English, so communication was difficult.

"Anastasia, 37, is Russian, and is refreshingly direct when communicating. A few times, if I asked her a question while she was concentrating on something else, she would simply say, ‘Katie, you are stressing me out.’ I appreciated the frankness. Problems never escalated and there was never lingering resentment."

"My motto was to simply shut up. Whenever I felt the urge to offer an opinion, I opted not to. They believe in attachment parenting, co-sleeping and potty-training from birth. Who am I to pass judgement?

"I vowed never to say ‘In my day...’ or give unsolicited advice. I knew it was a golden, one-off time, so I made a conscious decision to relax and enjoy it. Whenever I felt miffed by something Anastasia might have done, such as clean something I felt was already clean, I’d remember my rule. Shut up, Katie!

"I chose not to complain when the kids scribbled on the walls, because walls can be repainted. Relationships cannot always be repaired. But what mattered was snuggling on the sofa with the grandchildren.

"Living with different generations was fascinating. Guy and Anastasia are big into alternative therapies and taking supplements. They tried to encourage me to take various vitamins but I’d always forget, which led to many discussions.

"I’m a bleeding-heart lefty and my son is quite right wing, so we’d have lively conversations about taxes and government policies. Annoyingly, he could always back his argument up with statistics and would challenge me, thanks to his love of a good debate.

"Dessie taught me that not all children love baking and reading. Instead, I enjoyed engaging with him in different ways, such as sharpening pencils and watching a jolly YouTube channel where people bake miniature cakes."

"We thought they’d be with us for six months, but it became a year. When they left in November 2024, I didn’t want them to go. I no longer had to load the dishwasher several times a day and the house felt tidier, but it was quiet and empty.

"Of course, we still see them fairly regularly, but I often feel the most painful longing for them to all be back living here. They gave us a zest for life and I miss their presence dreadfully.

"My tip would be to lower your house standards – it doesn’t matter if it’s less tidy than usual. Only offer advice if asked to, and be prepared to listen.

"If you don’t have a rigid agreement for splitting food and bills, do what feels right. I’d pop money into Guy’s account if I felt that they had bought more food than we had. ‘Alone’ time is essential – go for a walk, read a book in bed or find a quiet corner to recharge."

Katie's daughter-in-law, Anastasia, says: "The challenging part for me was always worrying about Dessie being too noisy and Mila being too messy. Mila would often spill pasta or rice, or get into cupboards and make a mess. My days felt like an endless cycle of picking things up and cleaning.

"Even though my parents- in-law were relaxed and laid-back, and never said anything, I still felt responsible for ensuring the children behaved well, which rarely went to plan!

"However, I loved gathering around the dinner table to eat together as a family, and seeing Dessie and Mila grow so close to their grandparents was very precious."