Given Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s insistence that they are still real royals, I thought I’d do them (and us!) a cut-out-and-keep aide-memoire.
It’s all got a bit confusing, with pseudo-royal appearances and generally presenting as royals (except without the hats and the tights).
All that receiving flowers, clasping hands of well-wishers and icing cupcakes (in front of banks of photographers) by the Duke and Duchess of Sussex may look royal, but they are the fake royals.
So… it’s by no means definitive, but here’s my short list:
1) Real royals are perfectly happy with the term ‘working royals’. Fake royals don’t like it one bit, whinging and moaning (through their well-placed ‘friends’) to anyone who’ll listen that they are, indeed, still royals. Who work - which is selling £112 Advent calendars and ‘holiday’ presents through Instagram.
2) Real royals turn up for the anniversary of Aberfan, attend Remembrance Sunday at the Cenotaph, support the King at state banquets and visit a factory on a wet Wednesday in Scunthorpe. It’s called duty.
Fake royals don’t want to be dragged into the boring, cold, hat-wearing engagements they don’t care about and are told to do by Buckingham Palace, which gees everyone up a bit on a wet Wednesday in Scunthorpe.
3) Real royals don’t talk about how dreadful/evil/racist the senior members of the family are. In fact, they try not to talk about them to the press at all. Silence is golden.
Fake royals do this frequently - see Harry’s filmed interview for GQ when he suggested ‘some people’ don’t want reconciliation - then claim they’re only talking about family breakdown to help others, as their situation is ‘massively relatable’. Hmm.
4) Real royals have dress codes and get to wear all the jewellery, tiaras, sashes and military decorations. Fake royals are not allowed (ha ha ha), and even when they did, had problems with the protocol.
5) Real royals have to do things that maybe they’d prefer not to. (Again: it’s about putting duty before self.)
It may include charming President Trump at a state dinner (and dressing in his favourite colour), or turning up to church on Christmas Day, when all you want to do is stay in your PJs with the kids, because the public have come out to see you and it’s expected.
Fake royals spend Christmas in sunny California or their Cotswold mansion, posting copious images of how fabulous their life is, while having no idea how out of touch they seem. Hope that helps!
This feature first appeared in Woman magazine. Subscribe now and get your first 6 issues for £1.