Loose Womenstar Nadia Sawalha has opened up about the pain of the four devastating miscarriages she faced before and after giving birth to her first daughter Maddy.
A new podcast video sees Nadia Sawalha and her husband of 15 years, Mark, candidly discussing the heartbreak of their lost babies.
The 53-year-old star is reduced to tears in the emotional 30-minute video as she discussed their very first miscarriage just a few short months after the couple had met.
Recalling the first time she fell pregnant, Nadia smiles and says: "Do you remember, we were in Cornwall?
"We hadn't been together long and discovered I was pregnant and we were both absolutely thrilled to bits.
"And it's like you say, from the second you know you're pregnant, you start making plans. You see that whole life...", and getting emotional, Nadia admitted, "It makes me cry actually."
Nadia went on to confess that having lost the baby at such an early stage made no difference to her, as she had already started to imagine its life.
"So it doesn't really matter whether you've known for a day or a week, or four weeks, eight weeks. It doesn't make any difference. You start planning. You see their face, their smile, you start worrying about how they're going to be at school, and will you ever sleep again. That all happens from day one.
"And that's why I'm such an advocate for telling everyone from the second you're pregnant."
Mark also shared his grief about the painful loss, recalling how excited he was to start a family with Nadia.
"This was feeling like the beginning of a family I had failed to hold onto before."
Nadia went on to admit that the first miscarriage left her feeling as though she may never be able to have children.
"I was devastated, I immediately felt panic stricken. Because I felt, oh my god, what if I'm barren?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUntxSnP-70
"I remember we were in a baby shop, and you said, with no meanness or cruelty meant, and you said, ‘Just imagine if you can't actually have children'."
Mark said, "My god, that was highly insensitive. I'm sorry."
Nadia went on, confessing that the thought had ignited a terrible fear in her, saying, "I remember feeling as if I'd been stabbed with this absolute terror, and I just stood frozen, but didn't want to show it."
The couple went on to have two healthy children, Maddy and Kiki, but they did admit that those births didn't come without their fears.
In a candid confession, Mark said, "It's amazing that we did get pregnant [with Maddy], given how much I was drinking and how much you were drinking"
Nadia replied, "Well don't, that makes me feel guilty."
"When she was born, it was such a hideous labour and she just felt onto the floor, and I thought she was dead."
Mark also confessed, "I remember neither of us dared to breathe until we heard that first cry, which took forever."
Many fans took to the video to praise Nadia and Mark for discussing such a difficult topic, with one writing, "Thank you for talking so honestly about this."
While another said, "Such a powerful, emotional podcast. You're both incredibly inspiring.. you really are and talking about this will help so many people relate to you I'm sure of it."
If you are struggling after a miscarriage and need support, visitThe Miscarriage Association here.
Alternatively, you can call them on 01924 200 799.
