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Thread: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

  1. #1

    My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    Hello everyone,
    Here's hoping for some sound advice. My 17 year old son has been going out with a girl for over a year and I have tried very hard to like her. Just so that you don't think I am just a jealous mum, his twin brother's girlfriend is lovely. However, R's gf is a different matter. She constantly gives him a hard time. We often overhear their phone conversations as he puts them on loudspeaker, and she is always whining that he doesn't give her enough attention, that she should be his only priority etc etc. Having given up his rugby playing, he now has no other outside interests and he spends every weekend with her, either here or at his dad's house or hers. They are not able to meet in the week because they live too far apart but he calls her every evening. He has recently said that they are going to do this less as they have little to say to each other at the weekends! She is a very spoilt girl and was recently whining that she thinks her father ought to take her away on holiday more than the twice a year he does already. She also goes away with her mum and step dad. As a low income family, all my children have had to get used to very rare holidays and having to save up hard for anything they want. The gf made it plain from the start that she only liked expensive presents and she is always given what she wants. having worked as an apprentice engineer for nearly a year, R has decided that he would like to go to agricultural college in Sept to study forestry. I am unable to finance him so he is working throughout the summer, a minimum 12 hour day, 5 day week, to save up money to help see him through college. He will also have to get a job while he is there. So, at last, to the nub. It is Gf's birthday next month and I found out last night that she has asked for a piece of jewelry that is costing £ 135! Knowing his circumstances, I cannot believe that she is expecting a gift like this. Both my sons are unbelievably generous and R, bless him, has been trying to save up seperately for this gift by putting away the odd £1 or so. He has got to 40 so far. He often buys her other gifts and sometimes clothes and I feel that she is really taking the mickey. At the weekend she had him buying new bedding for "their" bedroom at his dads house!. Understandably, R was not at all impressed when I waded in a bit heavy last night. Its the first time I've said anything but I really think this is so unfair of her. Any ideas, or am I just being a cow?

  2. #2
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    Re: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    Hi bellechef - you are not being a cow you just sound like a concerned Mum. And I think I would be concerned as well the gf does sound rather selfish and money grabbing. Unfortunately I don't think that there is very much you can do about it our children have to make their own mistakes in life. All you can do is hope that he sees her faults as well as you.
    It wouldn't hurt to have a quite little chat with him not as a critiscism of her but more as a discussion about his financial position and what sort of outgoings he can afford and pehaps he might open up a bit more about any worries he has about the situation.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Constant's Avatar
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    Re: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    You have a lovely son who has got plans for his future(you now that without being told).He is a well balanced chap,having been were you are with one of mine you can only hang in there and dont have too many goes about her, the little spoilt brat! When he gets to collage it will peter out.Have a chat with him about going. Keep cool.

  4. #4
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    Re: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    She sounds like a control freak and a completely spoilt and selfish brat. My brother is going out with a selfish control freak as well. I know how you feel because my brother is now involved with the exact same type of female.

    The only thing you can do is wait and see what happens. It is not easy when someone you love is in a relationship like that.

    Dormouse

  5. #5
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    Re: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    There's no point you saying anything - it will just put a barrier between the two of you. Could you get his brother to make a few comments about his high maintenance girlfriend and being under the thumb? Peer pressure and ridicule from peers will do a lot more to open his eyes than you ever could. He's obviously not going for a high earning career so I'd guess she'll tire of him very quickly when she realises he's not going to be earning the sort of money she wants spent on her.

  6. #6
    Senior Member BeauSoleil's Avatar
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    Re: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    You're not being a cow at all-she is!! What a peevish little madam! I think perhaps have a word with his brother and his girlfriend if you can build them up a little bit and ask them if they could perhaps have a tactful 'off the cuff' chat. matbe his girlfriend could speak to the other girlfriend???

    I think now you've had your rant at him though I would leave it a little bit otherwise you may end up making him more determined to prove you wrong!!

    Nice to see you on here (although would be nicer if it wasn't for a problem !!-haven't seen you for ages.

  7. #7
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    Re: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    You are in a no win situation here so do nothing and hopefully it will peter out......I agreed with BeauSoleil and ChrissiFi, see if his brother can drop a few hints. Its so worrying when they are this young....

  8. #8
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    Re: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    However, in mitigation...your son is clearly kind...and must see something in her.
    Is it possible for YOU to see whatever it is? Out of all the negative words that you have used to describe her, isn't there one good one?
    If she comes from a more moneyed background it is quite possible that she doesnt understand what it means to have less than she has. The young are very selfish sometimes without realising.
    Hope that this doesnt sound too feeble,or critical of you,but surely she must have some redeeming characteristics

  9. #9

    Re: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    Hello again,

    Thanks for all your helpful words of encourangement. I think you are all right (of course!), I can't really do anything but stand back, watch and pick up any pieces. Unfortunately, although I really have tried over the last year, I cannot find anything at all to like in this girl. Whilst there is nothing really wrong with her, there's not much else either. Sadly, there is no hope for son 2's girlfriend to talk to her, they don't speak! They are at the same school and there were considerable problems some time ago when R's gf started very nasty rumours about gf 2! Yuk!, the young can be so horrid! It nearly caused her to split up with A because she couldn't stand the fact that gf 1 was putting their relationship under so much pressure. It is rare for all 4 of them to spend a weekend here because, if they do, the atmosphere is terrible with neither girl speaking to the other. (It is such a small house that its hard to keep them apart and the silence is deafening!). It nearly caused a rift between the brothers, too, but luckily they are very very close and it healed over pretty quickly. Gf 1 has absolutely no conversation at all, she seems to communicate in squeeks and has no interests other than shopping and make up, neither of which are that high on my list of hobbies and there's only so much you can say about mascara! I really don't want to be mean (well, maybe a bit!) but none of the family can find anything to actually like about her. She is very pretty and has a very alluring figure, which may explain my 17 year old's obsession, but even he is running out of things to say to her.
    What I didn't say this morning, is that, although he didn't - and would never - ask for it, R has accepted my offer to help a little with the cost of college accommodation, in the form of a loan, however, I feel pretty miffed that I will be struggling to find this money to help him when he is prepared to spend this much because of her demands. He has also given up his driving lessons because he cant afford them! AAAAAAAAaaargh!

    Hello Beausoleil, lovely to hear from you. Hope all is well in your world. I will email you soon

    Regards to everyone

  10. #10
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    Re: My son's girlfriend is so selfish

    Patience then...all things will pass.
    Best of luck

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