Debbee,
Hi,
It is such a difficult time, I do sympathise with you. I have a teenage daughter, just turned 18 and a son who is 15, almost 16. The way they treat their rooms, their stuff, and me is something that beggars belief at times.
I divorced my first OH and spent 8 years alone with the children before remarrying. In that time, like you, I always tried to provide the best I could but on a very limited income.
ED has been through her worst years (I hope) and is coming out of it now. There are times when she is quite helpful,(sometimes without an unlterior motive!!) she will offer to cook the tea for us all and if bullied will tidy up her room and the teenage lounge. That is harder to get done but she is not as bad as she used to be. She leaves for Uni in September and I have told her when she goes I am going to strip her room and redecorate it. She has had her chance but she won't let me do it!
My son is just at the stage where he does nothing...absolutely nothing without a half hour fight beforehand. He doesnt shut drawers, cupboard doors, make his bed, tidy the bathroom....I could go on.
With both of them, I stopped washing and ironing their clothes on the understanding that once they tidied their rooms, I would do it again. I hate to see my son struggling to get dressed, but it is his choice. My D is more organised and gets a wash on every now and again. One good thing about this is that they have and are, learning skills which will come in hand when they do leave home.
Having read posts from others who have already been through this, I think we are just going through the worst of it and they will get more thoughtful as they get older and have to run their own lives.
I went to a talk at D's school where we were strongly advised to leave the students to sort out there own finances. That this was our time to let go and use the money once spent on the children on a well earned holiday. Now, whilst that is easy to say, I do understand where they were coming from. I fully expect my D to become gradually more independent the longer she is away from home. After all, when she leaves Uni, she will be 23...a fully fledged adult.
Good luck with everything, I hope it all settles down soon for you and that you D learns to fully appreciate what a wonderful mum you are and how much support you have given her and will always give her.x
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