I can identify with your loss – I was married to my childhood sweetheart, whom I dated from 17. But not long after we actually married, he broke up with me.
OK, that was many years ago but I never knew why, he wouldn’t speak to me about it, not once. At first, I felt just like you – totally confused, lost. I thought we had a great relationship that I worked very hard at. How can you begin to understand when you don’t know why? How can you move on when it’s not properly ended? You end up analysing everything and feeling a fool for thinking you were happy.
For me (I was very young) I did meet someone else, got married and had children. My ex doesn’t cross my mind now but I used to wonder if we would ever have the conversation that we should have had, not that it matters to me anymore – but it did.
You may feel very hurt (as I did) because you feel ‘brushed aside’ like a casual date, not a long-term partner. You feel bewildered because he hasn’t acted particularly gentlemanly and moved on in a responsible ‘grown-up’ way.
You can’t make him talk; he may not be good with words, or not want to hurt you – even though his actions are doing exactly that. It’s very hard to get closure and move on.
I remember, the second wave of emotion after the initial shock was, for me, contempt. Because he wouldn’t talk about it, I totally lost respect for him; I felt he behaved like a boy, not a man. And I didn’t want an emotionally-retarded child for a life-partner.
You do need time to go through the emotions, I’m so glad you have spoken to a counsellor who can help you to accept things and move on. Not easy though, is it?
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Re: Relationship shock - Where do I go from here?
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