Im so sorry Kim for what you are feeling and going through.I lost my dad early too, but i wasnt there as it happened so quickly.From his diagnose to his passing was three months.I was here in Switzerland phoning for news and working out when to go, when suddenly it happend.I feel so bad that I was not there,at least you were with him. Be grateful for that.Time does heal,but it takes a while, look after yourself, remember the good times, ask for help if you need it,it is nothing to be ashamed of.A big hug from me, Suee xxx