I would add to this thread from a different perspective and not sure if it will be helpful.
I had no contact with my dad for many years after he left my mum. I am one of six and we were all under 13 when he left. Its a long story but I did contact him many years later (about which he was over the moon) and got to know the man he was, and my step-mother who I blamed for the break-up was indeed a very nice lady and still is.
I was quite angry that Mum had turned us against him because he was still our dad, but I am happy to say that all six of us, in adulthood, got to know him. Mum never bad-mouthed him to us, but her devastation was raw for years and she was the world to us, so we stayed on her "side". If I could turn the clock back, I would have wanted him in my life through my teens, giving me away at my wedding, being part of my family, but it wasnt possible because I wouldnt have upset Mum for anything.
I know its early days, but as expat says she will no doubt become part of their lives and if you alienate your children against her, it will impact on their relationship with their dad, and they dont deserve to lose him from their lives.
My dad died last year and I am so very grateful that I got to know him, and myself and all my brothers and sisters were by his bedside when he died.
Be strong, hold your head up, and rise above it. The first few times will be difficult but it will get easier and you may be able to use the time alone to get your own life back on track.
I wish you lots of luck. Keep us posted on how it goes.
Vicky xx
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