Maire I'm so glad you said that - I've been thinking the same thing. Need2know - I admire you so much for being able to look at your marriage and see what's going on, and for having compassion for your OH. Having said that - unless you're willing to have this woman in your life for ever if he makes that choice, then you have to take the stand that Maire is suggesting. You need to decide what it is that you want. Even tho the woman lives in another country that doesn't stop the emails, phone calls and endless pining. Please don't leave all the decisions up to him. Your marriage can survive if both people are willing to work at it - he needs to make that decision.
I can imagine how hard it is for you just now and my heart goes out to you. Sending you lots of love. Marg x