What a horrible time you are having. Of course you feel shaky - you aren't well, which is a worry in itself, and now you are grieving. Your boss is being totally unreasonable and bullying. I was a boss for over 20 years and, while nowhere near perfect, I never complained about staff being ill or having to deal with family crises. Do as everyone else says - see your GP, tell him/her how low you feel and that you need some time off. (I am sure you would be entitled to compassionate leave anyway but that would just be a few days when really you are ill and need to take care of yourself.)
As far as the family parties are concerned - seek help from relatives, neighbours and friends and either get them all to bring a dish or just buy loads of frozen party food (Sainsbury's and Iceland both do 3 for £5) and things which only have to be opened rather than prepared from scratch.
Thinking of you.
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