bellechef
member
Reged: 20/10/2008
Posts: 33
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Hello everyone,
Here's hoping for some sound advice. My 17 year old son has been going out with a girl for over a year and I have tried very hard to like her. Just so that you don't think I am just a jealous mum, his twin brother's girlfriend is lovely. However, R's gf is a different matter. She constantly gives him a hard time. We often overhear their phone conversations as he puts them on loudspeaker, and she is always whining that he doesn't give her enough attention, that she should be his only priority etc etc. Having given up his rugby playing, he now has no other outside interests and he spends every weekend with her, either here or at his dad's house or hers. They are not able to meet in the week because they live too far apart but he calls her every evening. He has recently said that they are going to do this less as they have little to say to each other at the weekends! She is a very spoilt girl and was recently whining that she thinks her father ought to take her away on holiday more than the twice a year he does already. She also goes away with her mum and step dad. As a low income family, all my children have had to get used to very rare holidays and having to save up hard for anything they want. The gf made it plain from the start that she only liked expensive presents and she is always given what she wants. having worked as an apprentice engineer for nearly a year, R has decided that he would like to go to agricultural college in Sept to study forestry. I am unable to finance him so he is working throughout the summer, a minimum 12 hour day, 5 day week, to save up money to help see him through college. He will also have to get a job while he is there. So, at last, to the nub. It is Gf's birthday next month and I found out last night that she has asked for a piece of jewelry that is costing £ 135! Knowing his circumstances, I cannot believe that she is expecting a gift like this. Both my sons are unbelievably generous and R, bless him, has been trying to save up seperately for this gift by putting away the odd £1 or so. He has got to 40 so far. He often buys her other gifts and sometimes clothes and I feel that she is really taking the mickey. At the weekend she had him buying new bedding for "their" bedroom at his dads house!. Understandably, R was not at all impressed when I waded in a bit heavy last night. Its the first time I've said anything but I really think this is so unfair of her. Any ideas, or am I just being a cow? 
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Olisa
member
Reged: 26/02/2009
Posts: 475
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Hi bellechef - you are not being a cow you just sound like a concerned Mum. And I think I would be concerned as well the gf does sound rather selfish and money grabbing. Unfortunately I don't think that there is very much you can do about it our children have to make their own mistakes in life. All you can do is hope that he sees her faults as well as you.
It wouldn't hurt to have a quite little chat with him not as a critiscism of her but more as a discussion about his financial position and what sort of outgoings he can afford and pehaps he might open up a bit more about any worries he has about the situation.
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Constant
member
Reged: 02/02/2009
Posts: 369
Loc: Northampton
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You have a lovely son who has got plans for his future(you now that without being told).He is a well balanced chap,having been were you are with one of mine you can only hang in there and dont have too many goes about her, the little spoilt brat! When he gets to collage it will peter out.Have a chat with him about going. Keep cool.
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Dormouse
member
Reged: 04/05/2009
Posts: 420
Loc: Scotland
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She sounds like a control freak and a completely spoilt and selfish brat. My brother is going out with a selfish control freak as well. I know how you feel because my brother is now involved with the exact same type of female.
The only thing you can do is wait and see what happens. It is not easy when someone you love is in a relationship like that.
Dormouse
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 3116
Loc: Somerset
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There's no point you saying anything - it will just put a barrier between the two of you. Could you get his brother to make a few comments about his high maintenance girlfriend and being under the thumb? Peer pressure and ridicule from peers will do a lot more to open his eyes than you ever could. He's obviously not going for a high earning career so I'd guess she'll tire of him very quickly when she realises he's not going to be earning the sort of money she wants spent on her.
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BeauSoleil
member
Reged: 26/03/2008
Posts: 4628
Loc: France
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You're not being a cow at all-she is!! What a peevish little madam! I think perhaps have a word with his brother and his girlfriend if you can build them up a little bit and ask them if they could perhaps have a tactful 'off the cuff' chat. matbe his girlfriend could speak to the other girlfriend???
I think now you've had your rant at him though I would leave it a little bit otherwise you may end up making him more determined to prove you wrong!!
Nice to see you on here (although would be nicer if it wasn't for a problem  !!-haven't seen you for ages. 
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WoodyM
member
Reged: 01/04/2009
Posts: 873
Loc: Cheshire
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You are in a no win situation here so do nothing and hopefully it will peter out......I agreed with BeauSoleil and ChrissiFi, see if his brother can drop a few hints. Its so worrying when they are this young....
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rjaly
member
Reged: 09/02/2007
Posts: 202
Loc: Leicestershire
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However, in mitigation...your son is clearly kind...and must see something in her.
Is it possible for YOU to see whatever it is? Out of all the negative words that you have used to describe her, isn't there one good one?
If she comes from a more moneyed background it is quite possible that she doesnt understand what it means to have less than she has. The young are very selfish sometimes without realising.
Hope that this doesnt sound too feeble,or critical of you,but surely she must have some redeeming characteristics
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bellechef
member
Reged: 20/10/2008
Posts: 33
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Hello again,
Thanks for all your helpful words of encourangement. I think you are all right (of course!), I can't really do anything but stand back, watch and pick up any pieces. Unfortunately, although I really have tried over the last year, I cannot find anything at all to like in this girl. Whilst there is nothing really wrong with her, there's not much else either. Sadly, there is no hope for son 2's girlfriend to talk to her, they don't speak! They are at the same school and there were considerable problems some time ago when R's gf started very nasty rumours about gf 2! Yuk!, the young can be so horrid! It nearly caused her to split up with A because she couldn't stand the fact that gf 1 was putting their relationship under so much pressure. It is rare for all 4 of them to spend a weekend here because, if they do, the atmosphere is terrible with neither girl speaking to the other. (It is such a small house that its hard to keep them apart and the silence is deafening!). It nearly caused a rift between the brothers, too, but luckily they are very very close and it healed over pretty quickly. Gf 1 has absolutely no conversation at all, she seems to communicate in squeeks and has no interests other than shopping and make up, neither of which are that high on my list of hobbies and there's only so much you can say about mascara! I really don't want to be mean (well, maybe a bit!) but none of the family can find anything to actually like about her. She is very pretty and has a very alluring figure, which may explain my 17 year old's obsession, but even he is running out of things to say to her.
What I didn't say this morning, is that, although he didn't - and would never - ask for it, R has accepted my offer to help a little with the cost of college accommodation, in the form of a loan, however, I feel pretty miffed that I will be struggling to find this money to help him when he is prepared to spend this much because of her demands. He has also given up his driving lessons because he cant afford them! AAAAAAAAaaargh!
Hello Beausoleil, lovely to hear from you. Hope all is well in your world. I will email you soon
Regards to everyone
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rjaly
member
Reged: 09/02/2007
Posts: 202
Loc: Leicestershire
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Patience then...all things will pass.
Best of luck
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 3116
Loc: Somerset
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OH says that his apprentices seem to choose their first girlfriends more because of the quality of their knicker elastic, or rumoured quality (if you get my meaning) than their personality and spend a lot of time boasting to their mates about what they've got up to. It's just a lads thing. He'll soon realise that his B's got a far better relationship than he has and move on.
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 662
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Hi - sounds like your son's GF is one of the school's hotties - ie, alphagirl, lusted after by all, etc etc. The fact she doesn't get on with your other son's gf says a lot (as does everything else you say about her). The girl is clearly a spoilt madam/aka fully-fledged bitch queen, and will, at some point in her life get her come-uppance.
Trouble is, while she is the school hottie, the boys will make idiots of themselves over her, like your poor besotted son is doing, as he is probably bowled over by the fac that she has deigned to go out with him.
She's a nasty piece of work, but while the blokes slaver, she'll go on being like this, using them shamelessly (for she thinks she is sufficient 'reward' in herself.)
I agree the best route in is via your besotted son's brother to point out what a total cow this madam is. In the end, I agree, your nice son will see the light about her.
Also, becuase it's clear that yes, she will dump him at some point as she will see bigger (ir richer!) prey swim into view), my advice would be to get him to see that he'd be far better off dumping her first. She will be SPITTING with fury that a boyfriend DARED to dump her, but believe me, all the girls in the school will cheer, plus all the boys that she's rejected! No one will like this cow, and it's only because she's a hottie that she's getting away with being a B**tch.
If your son can see that by dumping her first he will be spard the inevitable humiliation of her dumping him (which she obviously will), and retain the upper hand.
Sadly, it's true, isn't it, that young males are lead by their gonads, and that is why she has such power over him. It will be an essential stage in growing up when he reliases that in the end she is nothing more than a prostitute, because she is 'selling him her favour' by making him buy her pressies etc.
On the bright side, having this awful experience now, at l7, should very hopefully warn him off such B**chs for life, and far better that he encounters one now than say at 25 when the little cow could take him for a much bigger ride.
Just as women put up with total bastards, so, sadly, men put up with total bitches - if they have no self-respect.
If he's off to college in September, hopefully that will be the death knell anyway.
All the best, and I do hope this horrrible girl comes down with a REALLY bad case of acne!!!!
Julie.
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