craggyisland
member
Reged: 23/03/2009
Posts: 3
Loc: Harrow greater london
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I tried for years to find my father I used to confide in my close female relative, I told her so much on how I was feeling ,not easy for me! spent a lot of money tracing family on fathers side then found out said friend, had lots of information she never shared with me, said she didnt think it important, I havent spoken to her for 6months now, still angry still hurt, and I know Im too old to carry on this way, but I cant forgive her,I want to tell her the harm she did to me, but instead I carry the hurt around with me. and none of that side of the family ever contacted me to see what went wrong with our friendship.
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BeauSoleil
member
Reged: 26/03/2008
Posts: 3896
Loc: France
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Craggy-just wanted to welcome you to the forum!!
It's really difficult when things like this happen and I can't offer any advice whatsoever. Have you thought about contacting her to let her know how you feel? Perhaps you could write a letter so that there is no upset or confrontation?
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8011
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Hi Craggy and welcome to the forum,
I have just read your post and not knowing all the ins and outs of your life I just wondered.......... Did your relation not tell you because she was asked not to? Was she worried that the information would be upsetting to you?
Some one in my family had a difficult situation regarding their father, lots of family withheld information until their mother died.
Obviously, what you chose to do is up to you, but to me, your post shows some one with lots of pain and unhealed places..........
Take care
Foxie
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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Optimistic
member
Reged: 14/12/2008
Posts: 88
Loc: SW
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I guess if it were me I would want to find out the motivation behind her keeping quiet. That may put a different spin on the situation. Obviously you cannot make this woman talk but it may be helpful to tell her how you feel – in a letter perhaps. Word it ‘I feel like x’ rather than ‘you did x’.
My OH only traced his father a few years ago having always been told by his mum that his dad left her and cut all contact. Only recently did he discover that his mum actually did the leaving and didn’t allow his dad contact (he was serving in the army overseas) but due to his mum’s very controlling parents he can see that she thought she was doing the right thing. His dad had kept 9 years of returned letters and gifts which his mum did finally admit to. Ouch.
You may not be able to forgive your friend; she’s obviously hurt you a lot. By stating that information ‘wasn’t important’ seems pretty lame and sounds like an excuse…but why does she need an excuse? It may help you to find out why. If she values your friendship perhaps she’ll divulge.
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shell1966
member
Reged: 05/07/2009
Posts: 12
Loc: Manchester
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Hi Craggy
I just wanted to say that you always feel better when you get something out and off your chest. I think you should contact her and let her know just how your feeling and how upset and angry she has made you. Perhaps in a letter so that you can get everything out and clear would be better.
Even if she does not contact you to say sorry at least you can live with the fact that you told her and maybe move on.
Do you feel better already sharing your story with us?
Michelle
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linzy
member
Reged: 13/03/2008
Posts: 82
Loc: west mids
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Hi Craggy, my oh has been through a similar thing with his family although different circumstances, we were both very angry and a friend told me to write it all down in a letter exactly how you felt and then burn it, i definately felt better after quite a few pages!
Hope you feel ok, don't beat yourself up about it x
Linzy
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staffy
member
Reged: 28/07/2009
Posts: 7
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Hi Craggy
My best friend of 30 years upset & betrayed my son recently & I found it unforgiveable.
I was too upset to phone her so decided to express my feelings through a letter. I ended the letter by thanking her for all that we had shared throughout the years & wishing her well for a happy marriage to her new husband. I asked her not to contact me in the future as it would not be welcome & I cried solidly for 3 days.
That was a year ago & I have healed from the pain alhough I think about her nearly every day. The reason I ended the friendship was because she was no longer the person I thought she was & maybe you are experiencing something similar.
Hope you come to terms with your dissappointment soon.
Staffs
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craggyisland
member
Reged: 23/03/2009
Posts: 3
Loc: Harrow greater london
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Thankyou for all your kind words I am going to write a note must remember note not tirade!!
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