gilley
member
Reged: 13/07/2008
Posts: 893
Loc: Southampton
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The Feline Cat Diet
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.
Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.
DAY TWO
Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.
Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.
Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.
Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.
DAY THREE
Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.
Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.
Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.
FINAL DAY
Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.
Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.
Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.
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See PMK is right - its all about how you think - wishing you every success ladies 
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Spanishlady
member
Reged: 21/01/2008
Posts: 2418
Loc: Torrevieja Spain
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love this post ha ha . I will eat like a kitty today
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mjm
member
Reged: 25/01/2008
Posts: 7276
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Wonderful gilley, I will try my best to follow...lol
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AllyL
member
Reged: 23/07/2008
Posts: 2383
Loc: Cumbria, UK
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Oh that is so funny gilley! Must go - tasty looking spider to play with!
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Ally XXX
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Chickadee
member
Reged: 28/03/2008
Posts: 4028
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that's brilliant gilley - and I burned off some calories laughing!
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dec
member
Reged: 29/01/2008
Posts: 1753
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That brings back lot's of memories for me! However the vet was always telling me my Abyssinian cat needed to go on a diet so perhaps there's something in the air in our house?
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jamjams
member
Reged: 09/01/2009
Posts: 1174
Loc: geordieland
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So in essence we need to play with our food more!
Afternoon ladies sorry I haven't been posting much have been having to catch up with work. or is it the other way around spending too much time on here that work has caught up with me.
I don't know whether I have already said this, and If I have let me reiterate...
Thankyou for all the support on this thread, was at posh wedding on Saturday and felt flabuless and fabulous, and flounced with all my might. there is a shot where my friends have suggested I was auditioning for next top model, I was seriously strutting. And you ladies have helped me find the confidence I needed, so thanks
I am trying to persuade Lillie to come and join our merry throng by singing the virtues of st Paul of Mckenna, and his congregation here on Flabuless forummers, I know without me saying you will give her loads of support if she decides to come and play.
would up load photo but every time I try it doesn't work, it took months for me to sort my avatar.....
jamjams x
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Sella_Vee
member
Reged: 03/04/2008
Posts: 1508
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Thanks for making us laugh, gilley, and for keeping these posts going. I've hit a busy spell, both in work and in life so I'm running to stand still (it's the only exercise I get), and I really appreciate your efforts. Sometimes I don't post because I get on to the computer so late I think no ones going to read it.
Quote:
So in essence we need to play with our food more!
jamjams, an excellent summary. Glad you enjoyed the wedding. Lillie, and anyone else who wants to join is most welcome, as long as they are willing to be a disciple of St Paul!
Hi to SL, mjm (thanks for the weigh in results yesterday), chickadee, dec and Ally.
SL, I think we'll all have to become sex kittens if we are going to eat like a kitty  !
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Spanishlady
member
Reged: 21/01/2008
Posts: 2418
Loc: Torrevieja Spain
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) am a sex kitten already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
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gilley
member
Reged: 13/07/2008
Posts: 893
Loc: Southampton
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So am I SL
But nobody has noticed yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Linby
member
Reged: 30/07/2008
Posts: 1109
Loc: Hull
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That is fab do you know my cats's Gilley?
Sorry for not posting been away for a week and only stayed the same sorry mjm for not posting sooner. Busy Busy Busy we are having a refit at the cafe bar so eating a few take-a-way's at the moment sorry
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