marina
member
Reged: 14/08/2008
Posts: 2574
Loc: "On the rocks....somewhere!!!"
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I hope you ladies wont mind me bringing this up but you know when something bugs you and there is no-one to tell how you feel, this forum is so good?
Well, last weekend, OH and I were at a 3 day event connected with our business. Met up with loads of friends who don't get to see very often.
On several occasions the ladies were discussing their weight problems, the fact that they couldn't shift the weight, their BMI, the joys of Weight Watchers etc.
At the Dinner, 3 of these friends were on our table, we helped ourselves to what we wanted. All 3 had at least 3 times the amount that was on my plate. I had opted for for fresh fruit salad as my dessert, they had chocolate pudding and cream.
Back to the discussions...
I said that I didn't know what my BMI was, I didn't know how to work it out. With one voice, they snapped my head off. They were actually quite vicious with it....
"Oh, it's OK for you, you don't NEED to know, you have no idea how lucky you are to be naturally slim!!!"
This is not the first time I have been accused of being so lucky and I have had enough.
My mother always was and still is obese, my grandmother was the same. From the age of 7, I could tell you the calorific value of just about anything that was on my plate. I have spent a lot of my life with a rumbly tummy.
I am not naturally slim, it has been a 50 year battle, not having what I fancy. My mother developed Diabetes in her 50's then had a heart attack and stroke in her early 60's, she still eats about 3 times the amount that I do in a day.
Sorry girls, not sure whether to post this now or delete. I feel better having written it down!! 
I have decided to post, I would love to have your responses, feel free to yell at me 
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marina x
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amelica2
member
Reged: 21/07/2008
Posts: 6103
Loc: Never Never Land
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Marina
You did right to post this.......Im sure there are alot of people in your situation. I certainly wont be yelling at you!
Im naturally thin (always size 10/12) and due to IBS, Ive always had severe tum problems, had to watch what I eat, had a really rough time even trying to keep food in, but so many people lately say the same to me.........."Oh you're so lucky, you're so thin, blah, blah".....
would you go up to someone and say "What a shame - you're so fat"? I dont think so. 
Im slim for my age and proud of it, but its not due to piniky eating and fussing for the sheer hell of it - I dont have a choice and alot of foods I cant eat because of IBS. 
We are what we are and should accept that, but its how other people view us which is what gives us complexes - does that make us a different person?
Thats my rant over Marina - I dont blame you for feeling the way that you do either.
amelica2
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Practically perfect in every way
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Goingbackwards
member
Reged: 22/08/2008
Posts: 2658
Loc: Isle of Wight
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Hi Marina and amelica. I am well overweight... thyroid problem and lack of exercise rather than what I eat.
I do go overboard on occasions... who doesnt... but quite sure people who do not know me think I must eat far too much !
I do not often feel hungry and then dont eat, which causes my body to hold on to food as it doesnt know when the next meal will come along ! GP's words not mine.
The amount we eat does not always reflect in our size. But when people say others are lucky... weight wise or any other way I always think you make your own luck or fate plays its hand !
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Oriana
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Reged: 02/02/2009
Posts: 722
Loc: Austria
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Marina I think it is rather sad that weight/diet/BMI can be such a major topic of conversation. I can remember working somewhere (shall not name the place) where there were serious conversations about washing powder! Life is far too short and I honestly think the best way to control your weight is to stop thinking about it all the time like these women obviously do. Shame you could not point out their generous helpings! We all have blind spots but really .....
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devondumpling
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Reged: 10/02/2009
Posts: 470
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My mother used often to say she wished she was not so thin.
But - if you share out one yoghurt with one banana between four people,
- if you make two packets of crisps do for four people,
- if you restrict the same four people to no more than three cheddars at a time,
- if you insist that half a babycham is more than enough,
- if you won't let anyone have fruit from the bowl because "when it's gone there won't be any left for the rest of the week,
its no wonder she was thin.
Unlike the rest of us who ate as much as we could when we were out at work or school because we were hungry at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad had a well paid job so it wasn't a question of money.
Is it any wonder that once cooking for myself I put on the odd pound or two....................? 
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cupcake
member
Reged: 15/02/2008
Posts: 6088
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Well I'm thin....ish.
I'm 5'4" and weigh about 8st 4lbs. I know that cos the nurses in work weighed me quite recently!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't diet. I eat quite normally but I eat small amounts, always have done.
My Mum was small although not really thin but my Dad was bony and scrawny....bit like I used to be!!! I've filled out(!) a bit now as I've got older and it suits me fine.
I also have noticed, Marina, that lots of people who complain about their weight then go on to eat far too much. Although everyone should take into consideration bone weight and general build when deciding whether they are overweight or not, a good honest look at their diets might also shed a little light on their problem!!!!
I have also noticed...ooooh so many times...that it is considered perfectly acceptable for others to comment on my size because I am slim.....and not always nicely either.
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GILL3SQ
member
Reged: 29/07/2008
Posts: 1625
Loc: Staffordshire
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I think the whole issue for these woman is PORTION CONTROL!!!! They are entirely to blame and should realise that you are the shape you are because you didn't indulge in chocolate pudding. Being slim is hard work.
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Olisa
member
Reged: 26/02/2009
Posts: 472
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Hi Marina and Amelica - I agree with you - the reason most overweight people are overweight is because they eat too much and exercise too little. Whilst I agree that for a few people their is a medical problem the same way as some are thin because of a problem in the vast majority of cases your figure reflects what you eat and how you exercise. I should know I need to lose 2st and the reason that I have that 2st to lose is overindulgence and sloth 
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hussy
member
Reged: 29/09/2008
Posts: 877
Loc: Scotland
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Marina, I think these ladies were incredibly rude. I am in the same category as Olisa, and I have nothing but respect for women who eat normally, healthily, and make wise choices even when out. I bet you look fantastic, and they were jealous (as I would be) but instead of just saying you look great they had to have a go. Devondumpling, my mothers rules were similar but different, I often went to bed feeling ravenous and partly blame this on how I eat now, but since I know it I can change it, and I am trying with the help of pmk and the FF's. For all you slim ladies out there, you are not lucky, you are normal, it is the rest of us who need to get a grip.
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MrsSmith
member
Reged: 26/06/2009
Posts: 1436
Loc: Land of milk and honey
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One of my friends lost over 10 stone (yes, really!) and has kept it off for about 2 years now. I always tell her how great she looks but I notice other people make bitchy remarks behind her back saying she looks gaunt!
Portion size is the big issue. I was out for a meal last night and the plates were huge. Piled high with chips etc. I had the "light" option which was more than enough.
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cupcake
member
Reged: 15/02/2008
Posts: 6088
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Interesting point about having the 'light option' Mrs Smith.
If I eat out I will always go for the lite bite or smaller size portion. It is always enough for me.
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dizeeblonde
member
Reged: 19/01/2008
Posts: 4696
Loc: Theatre of Dreams
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I have experienced both sides of this. Growing up I could not put weight on, and believe me I tried very hard.At the age of 22 I was 6st 10, and I am 5ft 6 tall. As I have a disability I was examined by medics so many times and they declared my diet fine and me being perfectly healthy. Apparently I used up my calories faster than the average person and I was quite sporty. But the comments I endured OMG, and I have to say it was always from other women, don't step over a grid you''ll fall in, or don't turn sideways as we wont be able to see you, always accompanied by much laughter. On my wedding day I was so conscious of my size I wore a dress that concealed it, just as a larger person would.
As my life has become more sedentary by way of my disability, my body has changed and I now weigh more than I would like. I am not massively overweight by any means,probably about 5 to 7 pounds over what the maximum is for my height, but the attitude towards me has changed. No more snidey comments.
Have to say my size zero was not desired, and it makes me cross to see these lollipop celebrities forcing themselves to change their body shape. men like curves, and by that I mean normal women, petite women still have curves. All this pressure we put on each other as women ( and I don't mean us on the forum) makes me mad 
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amelica2
member
Reged: 21/07/2008
Posts: 6103
Loc: Never Never Land
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What I didnt mention was that in about 2 months, I lost three-quarters of a stone, not through trying to lose weight, but due to no food "staying put" once eaten! and that certainly wasnt through choice! And then I had everyone telling I didnt look well.........I wasnt!!!
Luckily now Im picking up again and eating normally and so far, so good and feel better cos Im putting a little bit of that weight back on.........I went down to 9st and it didnt feel good - left me with no energy etc.
Now Im eating fine now and feel so much better for it, but never having been a larger person, I dont have real weight issues and can by and large eat what I want.
We all have our crosses to bear no matter what our size. 
amelica2
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Practically perfect in every way
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mover
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 34
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You can tell by my name how I keep thin. I actually enjoy exercise but also do it to keep in shape. I have had many insults regarding my shape some of them downright rude. I also watch what I eat and try to eat healithy most of the time. Saying that I am not obsessed as some people have said to me, nor do I care what shape they are as long as they are happy that way. I have worked in mainly female environments where there is constant discusion of calories etc. One of my so called freinds said to me "do you realise how much fat is in a bag of crips?" as i tucked in to one. I weigh 10 stone and am 5ft 8 she weighs about 2O stone but I wouldn't dream of saying such a thing to her.You just can't win!
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marina
member
Reged: 14/08/2008
Posts: 2574
Loc: "On the rocks....somewhere!!!"
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Thank you very much for your replies ladies. Interesting replies and some thoughts raised to make us think!
Mrs Smith and Cuppy have raised the subject of size portions. This has bothered me for a few years. I too have noticed how huge the portions being offered are, even more noticable in Australia than here. (OH and I only ever need to order one portion of Snapper and Chips when we are there, it is more than enough for the two of us!!!) Like Cuppy, the lighter portions are more than enough for me and when I see what is on other people's plates I am amazed.
I remember as a child and teenager being told to eat everything on my plate, the amount dictated by my mother. It was usually too much! I was not allowed to leave the table until it was gone. Food was not a pleasure, mealtimes were a war-zone. I would sit for 4 hours in front of a plate with potatoes and fatty bacon congealed, refusing to eat it. My brother once hid his entire plate of beans on toast under the hearth rug!!!
Perhaps this is why portion control has lost it's way. My children were brought up to choose how much they wanted on their plate, having chosen, they had to eat what was there. They would have smallish portions but there was more if they wanted it. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't. They are all a sensible weight as adults and still follow the same rules within their homes. If eating out they will leave what they don't need. (How many of us were told it was rude to leave food on the plate or told that it has been paid for so EAT IT!!)
More people eat out these days than ever before and the huge portions are becoming what they expect.
I do realise that some people gain and lose weight because of medical conditions that are beyond their control and I hope that any ladies reading this wont think I am placing them in the same category as the ladies I spent my weekend with.
Perhaps we should start a new thread..."How did the way you were brought up affect your weight"?
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marina x
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Splash123
member
Reged: 04/05/2008
Posts: 4098
Loc: South Glamorgan
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I am with you on this Marina my friend....I had a conversation with my lovely DIL recently....she had a baby on March 1st and immediately snapped back into shape as she had not put on any other weight than the baby....I was the same when I had my boys.....she also commented that people said how lucky she is ....people say the same to me....it is not luck it is hard work and control for most of us. I accept some people have medical problems and that is very different ....but for most of us ...it is not rocket science if we are over weight we are usually so because we are eating more than our body needs,....and believe me as you get older and less busy it is a struggle ....but I do not like tight clothes and I cant afford to buy too many new clothes so I watch what I eat and stay slim.....
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http://www.visitcardiff.com/What-to-do-and-see.html
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 3677
Loc: Suffolk,
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I'm naturally cuddly - not fat, just well covered.
However my ex-OH used to bully me, put me on diets, take my plate away. If I got to a size 1w2 - I WAS FAT!!!
When we split, I put on weight because I had no idea of portion size,I rebelled, whatever.
Every diet I have tried has failed - only because when I tried to diet I had nightmares about being bullied, food, all kinds oif stuff.
Last year I came to my senses and rethought my daily diet - and have lost 3 stone slowly and sensibly. I'll never be skinny, but I am no longer fat.
The strange thing was my weight. According to the standard chart I am still overweight. But my doctor has pooh-poohed the whole weight/height chart thing. He says that women these days do have "heavy bones" because the charts were based on statistics taken years ago, before better nutrition. Women these days have bigger feet, bigger boobs, and that should be taken into account.
He says the charts contribute to eating disorders and anorexia
...wispa
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6253
Loc: runcorn
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I wish my life wasn't ruled by food, but it's an addiction like any other.
I was out with my lovely size 6 friend a few weeks ago - I'm a 20 ( I know I should pick fatter friends ) and she was moaning about how difficult it is to give up smoking. For me food is no different than smoking. Stress makes me want to eat and for my friend, stress switches off her appetite and makes her want to smoke. It's noticeable that when I'm away from work, my whole desire for food changes and then a few days before I go back, I start eating more.
I know my weight is down to quantity of food. I don't pretend otherwise. I do do a lot of exercise as the moving more folk know and my blood pressure is bang on normal.
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8019
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I found reading these posts quite sad. I don't understand why people need to make such personal and offensive comments.
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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hussy
member
Reged: 29/09/2008
Posts: 877
Loc: Scotland
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I agree Foxie, there are so many nice things people can say to each other, and as Marina suggests, it hurts to be put down for no other reason than someones jealousy of her self control.
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