jamjams
member
Reged: 09/01/2009
Posts: 1174
Loc: geordieland
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Ladies,
I have been asked to hold the reins for this thread.
I have pm'd pippa to try and get this thread more visible on this section, So I decided that as Thimble took over with part 3 from Nowcemsi, maybe I should start part 4
By renewing it will be kept on the first page!
over the past week a few people have asked where the thread is so I think it is VERY IMPORTANT that it is visible
hope this is okay with all of you
Jamjams x
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jamjams
member
Reged: 09/01/2009
Posts: 1174
Loc: geordieland
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I'm posting early for the friday post, as tomorrow has gone slightly nutty.
This week there has been a lot of talk of self esteem and confidence issues. I posted the other day on this. But after my post I still wondered why I was so upset that I didn't know who I was anymore.
I think because last year I was dealing with so much physically, the mental bit hadn't caught up. I was also told so many times that they would try and restore my sight in my damaged eye, a very positive thing and a hope I could cling onto. Unfortunately, I was told on xmas eve that they couldn't do anything else for me, he did give me positive I suppose he told me I'd be able to drive again.
I think because I'd held on to the hope for 08 that I would be seeing again I hadn't actually processed what would happen if I wasn't.
That and the fact the boys who did this were let out in November,with a £50 fine and community service. Sent me into a complete head spin
I am feeling alot better this week, I have faced several issues fears with lots of tears. Today I made my self speak to a total stranger, I asked someone the time.
not bad for someone who couldn't leave the house 4 months ago, I know this is only the start of a very long road, but I feel as though I have a map. The fact I can't read maps may have a beaaring, but I'll try.
I'll also try and get on tomorrow evening
jamjams x
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8011
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Hi jamjams
Just read your post and I wanted to say how much I admire you for facing a long and difficult journey with such bravery and courage.
Take care
F. x.
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 3675
Loc: Suffolk,
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Jamjams,
I know where you are coming from.
A long time ago I went through a car windscreen. I have 130 stitches in my face, and I also became short-sighted and have to wear glasses or contact lenses.
Even now, when I look in the mirror, I get a shock when I see the scars. Unconsciously, I expect that it's time they went, today, I'll be normal again. And don't get me started on the eyesight.
Everytime I have haircut, it has to hide the scars, fit round the glasses. Holidays, I need to pack contact lenses, solutions, glasses, sunglasses...
And the sexiest evening dress loses it's effect with specs.
I realise now it has coloured my whole life, I've always felt like a second class citizen. It's taken me a long time to come to term with my scars and bad eyesight.
What a waste of life!
..wispa
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Chatelaine
member
Reged: 23/08/2007
Posts: 4176
Loc: A village somewhere on the Con...
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Jamjams, and all good morning!
Great idea Jamjams to start a Part 4.
I echo what Foxie said...... Jamjams and Wispa I too greatly admire your bravery and courage.
This Depression thread is so valuable!! Thanks to this ongoing thread and having read many of the postings, that the veil towards understanding depression was lifted some for me.
Then following a number of painful as well as very stressful things in my life, amongst which bereavements, and the indirect resurfacing of my estranged mother (20yrs ago it was her choice!) who is now physically terminally ill, and her mind destroyed by 45 years of alcohol abuse, over 2 months ago I became aware that I was starting to become depressed. Thanks to this thread I was able to recognise the signs!!! And I am very grateful for that!!! Since then I have had numerous thorough talks with myself and reassessed my life, and what was important........ I made the necessary decisions, and feel satisfied with them. And two months on St.Johns Wort has been one of the best things ever.
I feel back in control again..... I sleep well again..... and I am back making plans, etc..... and more importantly doing things..... Another scary aspect was that I could no longer laugh much less feel happy, and that too has passed. I feel genuinely positive/optimistic again.... in fact quite happy.
I am thankful to everyone who has contributed to these threads, as somehow you have all helped and saved me from "going under".......
Wishing everyone a good day.... a peaceful weekend and week to come.....
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Thimble
member
Reged: 04/12/2008
Posts: 4326
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Thank you jamjams for keeping this going. I sent you an email before I read your posting on here which will explain a lot...............
jamjams and wispa........................you have both obviously had some very traumatic times behind you that have left their physically as well as mental scars on you. You both come across as very determined, strong and lovely people. The paths in our lives are not always easy and for some downright rocky but you have survived and you have moved on.
Jamjams you are facing your demons and proving to yourself that you can fight them. Yes it is a very slowly and laborious road but I have faith totally in the fact that you will get there.
Chatelaine...........you too have had a rocky road through life and yet you also have faced yourself, your demons and your innermost thoughts to come through it all and fight another day.
We have all found the comfort, advice and help of ladies on this forum to have been foremost in helping us achieve all this which just shows what a powerful group we are.
Onwards and upwards ladies................. have a great day and week-end ahead.
...............thimblex
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glamgran
member
Reged: 20/02/2008
Posts: 135
Loc: Nottinghamshire, England
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Good Morning everyone it is a very windy and cold one here but the sun is shining! Many thanks to Jamjams for starting Part 4 of this thread it has been a great help to me to know i am not alone. I have read all your posts and think you are all very brave your problems are immense, mine are very trivial compared to most. I have had a reasonable week, saw the Dr for a review of my tablets she was ok but not very helpful just thought going on a diet and exercise plan would be a good idea for me. Have a good weekend and week ahead!
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MAZL
member
Reged: 17/09/2008
Posts: 385
Loc: Cumbria
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Good afternoon to you brave ladies. Your posts made me feel very humble as recently I have been moaning and whingeing about what after reading your posts seem very trivial things. You have faced immense problems and are fighting them amazingly.
Wispa, I'm sure you look sexy in your dress with or without glasses.
I haven't been on the forum for very long but am amazed by the friendship that abounds on it between people who may never meet. Goodluck & love to you all.
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gladrags1
member
Reged: 12/04/2007
Posts: 138
Loc: devon
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Hi Ladies
Mazl I agree with you these ladies are so brave and strong it's amazing. I read your post and you "took the words right out of my mouth". I too have had problems which now seem trivial when reading how these dear ladies are coping.
I have suffered from depression in the past and I also found St Johns Wort helped a lot, I've been taking it for about a year now.
Respect and Hugs to you all!
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luckylegs
member
Reged: 08/12/2008
Posts: 620
Loc: White Stiletto Land
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I think you are all great.Thanks for your very private thoughts that you have shared. ( god, sound very american chat showish, sorry, but I hope you know what I mean)
Very interested to here you all think that St john's Wort is effective,think I will give it a try.
Have a good weekend.
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jamjams
member
Reged: 09/01/2009
Posts: 1174
Loc: geordieland
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St Johns wort is very effective but if you normally take other medications, check with your pharmacist, as it contraindicated with some drugs, (by gum thats a big word for a friday)
I think in this country the medical services and the general public have no idea how wide spread depression and anxiety is. There is a poster in my gps which says
Myth:- there are very few people with mental health problems
Fact:- there are 1 in 4 people with mental health problems.
Ladies yes Wispa and I have been through some nasty things,
with which we have had to come to terms with or in my case still coming to terms with.
Depression is insiduious, it catches the strongest of people off guard, it doesn't take trauma or bereavement, to set it off.
In fact heres a something you probably didn't know, a viral infection can cause someone to have depression.
There is a belief in certain circles that exercise is good for depression as it releases happy hormones. However in my experience it depends upon where you are with the illness,before you have the motivation to actually move.
Glamgram does your practice have a counselling service? you might find it a bit more helpful than just your gp.
In fact your post made me smile as I had just discussed this with my gp this afternoon. I thanked him for refering me for therapy, and a conversation ensued, the jist of which is the younger drs in the practice will refer patients who don't necessarily need specialist help, but do because they themselves have no life experience, and can't relate to people showing depressive illnesses.
So may be your GP is overwhelmed by the concept
thank you for posting ladies,have a lovely weekend, and you do know you don't just have to post on fridays
jamjams x
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 3675
Loc: Suffolk,
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I think the fact that I allowed my (very slight) physical abnormalities to affect my judgement meant that I allowed myself to marry a bully. And if I am really honest, they are only bad in my eyes, And an ExOH who knew how to make me feel inadequate.
Or maybe he chose me because he knew I was insecure.
Whatever, it doesn't matter now. I'm married to a man who loves me for me.
But I allowed it to affect my self esteem, it affected my work, my social life...
PLEASE..if you have a family member, a friend, be supportive. But don't be too nice, don't over-compensate. A comment like "oh, I never noticed, you seem so normal" is worth so much.
Sometimes we don't need support and commiseration, just indifference and acceptance.
..wispa
..wispa
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8011
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I am some one who, whilst I know quite a lot of people (especially at work) who have depression in varying degrees, I did not know very much about it. Now, thanks to all of you who have shared your experiences so openly and honestly, I feel I have much more understanding. This has meant that I feel more relaxed and not so conscious of thinking "I must be careful what I say to so and so, as I don't want to say the wrong thing when they are having a difficult time".
This sounds a bit clumsy, but I hope you understand what I am trying to say. Reading these posts doesn't only help everyone who posts, but also the understanding of those who don't post. So - a thank you to you all.
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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carsma
member
Reged: 13/02/2009
Posts: 3303
Loc: Berks
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Hi Girls
No doubt I can't be as eloquent as Jamjams and Whispa and I have never posted on this thread before, but have read what people have said since I joined and it really has been a great help.
I suppose I did know a bit about depression from my job, but I now realise I had no full understanding of it until I got it and boy did I get it. Having survived 50 odd years being the strong, capable one that coped with whatever was thrown at her, it came like a bolt out of the blue.
It took one thing, that changed my life forever and acted as a catalyst for all the things I'd always coped with and suppressed I suppose and I totally lost the plot for a couple of years, still now on the road to recovery, but it has been hard, and I've done it mainly by finding services myself, or my psychology trained daughter has, bless her. She has been parenting me and now I need to get back to being Mum again.
The normal channels haven't been much use at all, except the doctor, who has been great. At one time D thought I was going to commit suicide, which I wasn't at all, but she dragged me to the doctor and the emergency mental health team came out. The senior guy was a pig, the younger one could've been helpful, but was shot down all the time by his superior and I used to work with these people and wonder what my poor clients had to endure. The upshot of it was, after turning me into a wreck, that the senior guy said it was obvious, all I needed to do was stop drinking and decide what I wanted, when did I want to see him again......... I didn't, I knew that and if at the time I could've done it I would've, I am an intelligent person, just in a very bad place then.
Anyway, D found me a psychologist in CBT, which cost me £100 a week, but was useful, again it was stuff I used at work, so understood it, just couldn't use it on myself at the time until she got me going on it and I really took to it. Still couldn't afford £100 a week forever and a day.
Prior to that I had seen a councillor privately as the waiting list was huge on NHS and I needed something then and there I don't think she was that great, but helped at the time. What though are people supposed to do who can't afford to pay for these things. I was put on the list for the drugs and alcohol team twice, but after a year was asked if I still wanted to be on it as they were updating their lists, answer no, I could've been dead by then anyway.
Well I still have counselling, but by chance, I found a local charity group who does it free, the counsellors donate their time and expertise and when I can, I make a donation. No-one told me of this service. Since then, not that I have used them, but I have found a drop-in centre in town, for people with mental health problems, again free, open 4 days a week from 10-4.30, kitted out like a home, comfy chairs, kitchen, games to play, books to read, just socialise, ask advice, whatever you want. Also found a couple of places again free where you can talk about alcohol problems and get support, not AA. I haven't used them, but know they are there, but no professional seem to and doctors, counsellors etc. haven't got a clue what I am talking about.
Well luckily for me I'm not an alcoholic, just used it to bury what I couldn't face, so I got rid of my catalyst, stopped drinking, making myself incredibly ill, lived through it and can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. Counsellor says I should run groups, but I was just in the right place at the right time.
I do feel very strongly that there is such a gap in what is out there for people and what the professionals actually seem to know about.
Anyway this forum has been a lifeline, because you can see the problems others face, give support, get support and realise there are many people with problems and depression. It is sort of like a silent illness because you can't see it and others find it difficult to comprehend.
Good for you Jamjams and Wispa, you are both doing a great job for everyone again. I do understand about scars too, my daughter had a chunk of her lip bitten off by our labrador when she was 7, but that's another story.
Sorry I have rambled on a bit.
Carsma x
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jamjams
member
Reged: 09/01/2009
Posts: 1174
Loc: geordieland
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Carsma ramble away, thats why this is here so we can download so to speak. It sounds as though you have had an awful time with mental health services.
It is no wonder so many people slip through the net without the correct help...... I know I slate my local nhs services, but in this one field theyseem to be a leading light
I am so glad you have had the help and support of your D, regardless of how intellegent we are or how much we know on the subject when you are in the middle of your logic just flies away.
Keep posting and take care, I am pleased you can see that faint glimmer of light, just remember it's there shining in the distance
lots of hugs
jamjams x
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valley
member
Reged: 12/05/2008
Posts: 140
Loc: Lancashire
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I put a message before about my problems at home. I know there nothing compared to what you have all been through.
I just get so lonely, i haven't really suffered with depression before although I have been on an emotional road for these last 6years, I don't know how i have carried on, my daughter has been the reason. Without her I don't know what I would have done. i wouldn't have put up with things. I do have some friends but I don't want to go on about my problems and everyone at work seems to he happy which makes me feel worse and i know i shouldn't as that makes me feel more awful.
I am so glad that i came to this forum, as i know i can have some contact with other people. I would love to go to a Supper club but I don't think there is any in my area.
Some days i feel ok and more positive and at other times, my daughter can just say something a bit harsh and then i can nearly be in tears just like that.I don't want to keep getting upset in front of her, she in not much support to me at the moment and we seem to be at logger heads as everything i say seems to irritate her. Sometimes i feel a failure in my marriage and now with my daughter.
I have to be hopeful that things will get better.
valley
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8011
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Hi Valley
I read on one of the other posts a comment someone said which really resounded with me "Just because some one has no legs, it doesn't mean that you can't say your shoes pinch".
Take care
F x.
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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jamjams
member
Reged: 09/01/2009
Posts: 1174
Loc: geordieland
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Valley, don't demean yourself, your problems are as important as everyone elses
Regardless of whatever anyone else has gone through, if you are experience depression or anxiety it is real, and has a big impact on what you do, how you feel, and react to situations
Never think because you may not have been on the same path as others, that the one you are on is not as scary as someone elses.
As I said earlier, a virus can cause serious depression
Six weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to express half the things I have recently, just knowing I am not alone with this illness has helped me so much
jamjams x
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carsma
member
Reged: 13/02/2009
Posts: 3303
Loc: Berks
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Valley, as Jamjams says, don't demean yourself, your problems are just as important as the rest of us, your worries, things you are finding hard to cope with, they all matter and you will get support from all of us.
It's early days for you to adapt, and little wonder you are feeling depressed and a failure.
It is probably very hard for your daughter to understand what is going on and she is still young, but that doesn't make you a bad mother, just in a place of confusion and upset at the moment. She is going to argue, just try to keep out of conflicts like that, maybe walk away and count to 20, easier said than done anyway.
I too feel guilty with my daughter, but because she has given me so much support. I have turned into the juvenille delinquent, well actually she says both OH and I are, and she has turned into the highly sensible adult. At one of my worst times, and there have been many, she was trying to cope with her final degree exams and us and I was riddled with guilt that I was putting so much pressure on her. At other times OH asked her to come home and look after me, it was all so unfair on her.
Just don't punish yourself though, just keep posting and getting support from everyone, it truly has helped me.
Carsma x
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Ivorypearl
member
Reged: 10/05/2009
Posts: 22
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Life can be so tough sometimes, and no matter how much we are aware that others are suffering from much worse, our own problems can still seem totally insurmountable.
When I was young I never had bad periods, or pmt, infact I hardly noticed them. It was a long period if it lasted 3 days!!. As a person I'm positive, outgoing, blah blah blah..then just before I turned 30 'WHACK' mind curdling BLACK mood PMT hit me and my periods got so painful and very long..I can actually remember 'feeling' a huge blue/black cloud hanging over me. The next 10 years were AWFUL....I just wanted to die, I had gone from this positive easy going person to someone who was so depressed for at least 2-3 weeks out of a month. Then it all swapped around, I was almost super happy before my period and then melted into depression afterwards..anyway with the help of a wonderful reflexologist and my faithful agnus castus I'm now on the right path..some months are better than others but its still better than it was...
I don't know how you all feel because I'm not you..but I can sympathise and I hope all of us eventually find some peace from this awful thing.
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