mechelle
member
Reged: 20/09/2007
Posts: 13
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Hello ladies,
I recently, march 14th, split with my partner of 8 years.
Basically, his children were problems, as i have mentioned in previous posts A. year ago I approached our landlord about renting on my own but found I could not afford it at that time.
My ex's father died two years ago and left him a huge inheritance Silly me thought he might want to share it with us as a family but no, he spent it on himself and his kids.Not a penny went to either me or into our home..Am I wrong to think that it ought to have done? after all I have supported his kids financially for 5 years..
In December we decided to go to family counselling after I had flipped out about his sons behaviour, he threw a hot iron at my head cos i asked him to pick his clothes off the floor.
His mother said it was my fault that i shouldnt have asked him to.
Ex decided wasnt going to go to counselling so he moved out . we had decided that we would try to keep friends and he even invited me out for a drink .we didnt get to go though, he changed his mind again.
He lied to me over lots of things including where he moved to (I know know his new address )and i feel very hurt that he felt the need to.
Now I find out he has been telling his friends and family that I had breakdown I know I shouldnt worry what they think but I do .
In my heart i still love him although my head tells me i should just forget him amd get on with my life.
How long does it take to get "sane " again. 
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xxxSummerxxx
member
Reged: 29/03/2008
Posts: 10528
Loc: Billericay,Essex
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Hello,i dont think we have met so welcome to the Forum,youll soon feel part of this Friendly supportive bunch of lovely Ladies.
I'm afraid i have not had experience of your situation although what i would like to say even though your X has hurt you try to except that you will not be able to switch your feelings off over night.
With regards to the Lies he is telling his family try not to respond,sometimes few words is the best line of defence.Remember just because they are his family does not mean that they cannot see his flaws too.
Take care.
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hussy
member
Reged: 29/09/2008
Posts: 877
Loc: Scotland
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No answer to the last question mechelle, but I would suggest keeping posting here - lots of us have been through break-ups and cope(d) in all sorts of different ways, so there is always someone willing to listen and offer a hug.
From my point of view it seems to me that you are far too good for him, you are also right about the money, but would it not be better just to cut all ties so that you can find out what life has to offer without him? I bet you anything a year from now you will be on here helping someone else and knowing what it is to have a good laugh and live in peace, even if you are a bit skint.
I also have done the loving of a selfish b........... but when I realised that I was in love with who I wanted him to be rather than who he actually was, I was able to let go.
Be really good to yourself and spend time in front of the mirror saying all the things to yourself you would say to your best friend if she was in this position.
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Goingbackwards
member
Reged: 22/08/2008
Posts: 2650
Loc: Isle of Wight
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Very wise words Hussy from someone who has been there and come through the other side. Mechelle you will find lots of support here. Let you life begin for YOU ! xx
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LadyGodiva
member
Reged: 19/09/2006
Posts: 797
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Perhaps you love what you had but not what the relationship or he became?
I am sorry this is a horrible situation for you and I wish I had some useful advice. I don't know how long it takes to feel 'sane' again but I guess the first step is to accept what has happened, try not to keep turning it over and begin to take small steps towards rebuilding your life nad your self esteem. He doesn't sound like a very worthwhile person to mourn do look forward and not back
Good luck
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6190
Loc: runcorn
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I think it will be a few months - I'd love to say you'd feel better tomorrow, but it takes a while. If he is still playing silly bu**ers then it is only natural that you are feeling as if your head is spinning.
However, every day you can put distance between you and him, will be a very slightly better day even if you don't realise it.
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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Trace1
member
Reged: 04/04/2009
Posts: 103
Loc: Bedfordshire
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I would say your feelings are perfectly normal... You cannot go through what you are going through without feeling sad, hurt, upset, angry etc etc!!!
I got divorced 8 years ago now and it was the hardest thing that myself and my kids went through and it took a while to get over it... There is however light at the end of the tunnel I promise you.
I am now very happily married for the second time and have been for 5 years. I am also now a step mum to 2 lovely boys and I cannot believe that after all I went through that I am now in such a good place... So chin up, it's hard now but I promise you it will get better and you will find someone else to love you and the children very soon I'm sure...
Take care
Tracy  x x
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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All i can offer is just to be kind to yourself. You already are sane, sometimes people dont behave like you hope they would. Just take small steps and keep in touch with us, the sun will shine again.
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meadowlass
member
Reged: 16/05/2009
Posts: 2
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Hi, it is normal but you will come out of it. It is really hard particularly if you now have financial problems and if you are older. But you will grow stronger as a person; perhaps you will eventually decide that you are happier on your own. You have certainly learnt a lot about the difficulties that stepchildren can bring to a relationship!
You will have up days and down days but gradually after around two years you will find that you have moved on. It is best though hard if you don't have any contact with your ex, it helps you to make the break and accept that the relationship has ended. It is interesting that your ex mentions that you had a breakdown. In his eyes did he see the way you reacted as out of control or hysterical in some way? Just how did you ask your stepson to pick up his clothes to provoke the reaction that he threw an iron at you? Could you have done anything differently or is the stepson a psycho? Can you learn anything from that for the future no matter how justified you felt at the time? It sounds as though your OH already wanted to end the relationship because of his meanness when he inherited money. Accept he is not a nice person and look for somebody who is - but don't rush into a new relationship until you have worked things out for yourself. Take your time. Best of luck.
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