matula
member
Reged: 03/05/2009
Posts: 4
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Post deleted by lyndsay_conway
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stellac
member
Reged: 14/05/2008
Posts: 1183
Loc: mauritius
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there is a saying you can chose your friends but not your family i have travelled a rocky oad with my daughters so i can empathise to a degree with what you feel.
At the end of the day you have done your best now its time for you; take a holiday, go out with friends, enjoy your recreationl activities and value your friends life is for living.
tske care believe in yourself
stellax
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LadyGodiva
member
Reged: 19/09/2006
Posts: 861
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Matula,
i am a little muddled reading your post but I am very sorry that your relationship with your daughter is so fractured. Do you still see your grandson? Have you spoken to your daughters in laws in confidence to see if they can shed any light on the situation? Was your daughter like this when her father was alive? Is the angry about something?
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alig99
member
Reged: 22/06/2008
Posts: 381
Loc: Spain, France, London
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Hi Matula,
I'm sorry to hear about the lack of relationship with your daughter. I have two girls both of which have children, they blow hot and cold with me, and whilst its hurtful at the time I always forgive them and we do still see each other, not that this helps you.
Whatever your daughters behaviour I guess you really want to let your granddaughter know that you really wanted to see her and did try very hard to make that happen. So why not start a scrap book, you could take photo's of cards and presents you sent her (just in case later in life she thinks you never sent her anything) also you could write a diary of your life (that would be a great gift for her later in life) you could write her messages to show how often you do think of her. I know its not really the solution you would like but it might help you and later when your granddaughter receives the book I am sure she will realise that you thought about her a great deal. As for your daughter, perhaps you could talk to your son-in-law and or his parents(a joint approach) to try and sort out the situation. And of course keep in touch with your grandson. I hope the situation improves for you.
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8480
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Hi Matula
I can feel the sadness seeping out of your post. Are you still in touch with your grandson? It sounds like you did a lot of babysitting when he was young? How do you get on with your SIL?
Family relationships can be so hard. Although it is not much consolation to you, posting on this forum will show you that you are not alone. I truly hope things improve for you.
Foxie
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We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color.
-- Maya Angelou
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jessica
member
Reged: 01/02/2007
Posts: 624
Loc: North Wiltshire
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I don't know if this is of help but my OH and I were products of elder parents so when I had my children they were unable to help out in any shape of form. However we were fortunate to meet up with a lovely lady who became our Nanna we used to walk her dog in exchange for some weekend baby-sitting. We went on holiday together and visited garden centres she was an absolute gem and loved very much by us all.
She was lonely because her daughter cut her off because Nanna divorced her father who regularlly played away from home. The daughter -in-law had some funny ways and had little to do with 'our nanna'.
When the family discovered that she had been adopted by us they got quite unpleasant because they thought we were after her money (We didn't know she had any apart from her pension) Any way OH put them straight and was quite prepared to tell them our finacial situation. Many years went by and we had to move she came and visited many time and we had some lovely memories. Sadly she had Cancer and died within a week and we were away on holiday and I'm rather glad I didn't see her at the end.
So Matula there could be a desperate young family out there maybe they come to the hospice just keep your eye and ears open. You could be a God send, Nanna was for us
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yvonnebarlow
member
Reged: 11/09/2008
Posts: 34
Loc: Cambridgeshire
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Do not measure yourself by your daughter's criticism. Your daughter sounds quite selfish - that may or may not be your fault - but don't dwell on it. Think of the other things you have done in your life, the positives. You can't change your daughter or her attitude, but you can make sure you live in a full and positive manner. Go for it!
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Quick, Boil Some Water
www.booklinethinker.com/yvonnebarlow.html
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 662
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I think Alig's idea is a lovely one, and I'm sure it would hearten you. Like the others, it's hard to understand why your daughter would want to cut you out completely - even if relations were strained between you and her, it's such a deprivation to her children not to have their grandmother in their lives.
I'm sure I'm not the only person to say that it really is very common, isn't it, for people to have a much, much better relationship with their grandchildren than they ever had with their own children! But that can be difficult, sometimes, for the children to realise, ie, that all the tension and issues that split them from you, are simply not there when it comes to the grandchildren.
I agree that keeping in touch with your grandson, assuming he's now old enough to make his own decisions about whether he wants to see you or not, would be wonderful for you, and for him too.
And I also very much like the idea of the possibility that you could be the 'granny-in-need' for another family who would value you as your own daughter does not, for whatever reasons.
All the very best, and hope things improve. Julie.
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 568
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My youngest son would love a Granny! I have no family now and my Husbands family are not keen on my son being here at all,in fact most of them dont even acknowledge he exists. My son would love a Gran to give him hugs and spoil him a bit ! I do hope things im prove for you xxx
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