mumfaz
member
Reged: 23/08/2007
Posts: 5
Loc: Shropshire
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My daughter is studying AS levels, she has had the same boyfriend for nearly 2 years, he is doing A2. Due to geography, he lives in town, poor bus connections from our rural location, etc. We used to do lots of lifts, and he used to spend a lot of time at our home, fine. Now that they are at the same 6th form in town and he can now drive instead of things getting easier, she seems to feel it makes sense to stay at his place all the time. Things are complicated as my OH finally got a job after being made redundant 10months ago, so is no longer available to take her to 6th form but buses are doable and some days friends Mums help. I don't feel this is helping her studys all though her marks are good, she is very bright they could be better. I miss her, we are not being used as a hotel but a bank only. What happened to dates and coming home?
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gyp
member
Reged: 15/04/2008
Posts: 945
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mumfaz
Welcome to the forum
They all jump in with 2 feet, don't they. They'll learn it's too young. Babies should come with a warning label "Warning: I'll be a pain when I'm a teenager - non returnable". I think nagging doesn't work when they're that age, mine just used to tell me what I wanted to hear. Just tell her your rules, I suppose, tell her how youfeel. And keep the lines of communication open.
gyp
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 454
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This is all to with change, isnt it and they do change. I think girls grow up very quickly and know thier own minds. All you can do is be there for her, just carry on with your own lives and keep the communication lines open. I miss my girls, but i remember doing a similar thing at 17 that your daughter has done now and i think i really upset my mum, but for me things didnt work out the way i wanted and i went back home.Good Luck and i hope you will keep in touch with us x
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hussy
member
Reged: 29/09/2008
Posts: 877
Loc: Scotland
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Is she staying with his family? Do you feel she is safe? If the answers to both are yes I would simply do as the others have said and tell her you miss her, that you realise she is an adult now, and can you work out other ways of spending time with her. Meet her in town, have them both round for a regular meal each week, etc. We also live a little bit out from the girls school and friends and at 15, 16 they often find it easier to stay with friends, but it is one night only so not a problem.
Also have to ask - are they allowed to sleep together in his house and if they are has she got contraception worked out properly? If its happened it wont stop now, but you can make sure she knows how to look after herself. I am continually amazed with how many young people are in sexual relationships and are totally misinformed about contraception and sexually transmitted disease.
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mumfaz
member
Reged: 23/08/2007
Posts: 5
Loc: Shropshire
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Hi Thanks for the replies. She says she stays in his sisters room, not sure if I am being naive but we have discussed the importance of contraception. It just has been a bad week this week with her there more than home.
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hussy
member
Reged: 29/09/2008
Posts: 877
Loc: Scotland
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Your not being naive mumfaz, we just don't know. Take care of yourself
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womanj
member
Reged: 31/03/2009
Posts: 86
Loc: Liverpool
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Hi mumfaz,
I think I would ask her to come home to talk about things. If she's a bright girl she'll see that you only want the best for her and if you have previously had a close relationship with her you could just simply tell her you miss her!
If she is unwilling to spend time at home without her bf, you could suggest they both stay some of the week with you?
I would be wary of laying down the law with her as this could just drive her away even more.
I'm sure she doesn't think she's hurting you so you must tell her how you feel in any case.
Good luck,
Womanj x
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Scarlets
member
Reged: 01/04/2007
Posts: 1905
Loc: Just across the pond
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Take her to one side and if you are able to have a friendly conversation with her, point out that you are not against this young man, but are obviously very concerned for her.
My daughter more or less did the same. Boyfriend in the navy, with house over here. She wanted to stay at his because' it was too difficult to come home at the end of the evening' What can you say. My OH was not to happy at all.
All worked out in the end though. Celebrating their silver wedding anniversary soon.
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