suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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Hello girls. Can you help again i wonder? Two years ago my Ex whispered on the phone that " You wont get anything you want". It frightened me very much and often i find i dont get what i want when thinking about our son who lives with me. Is there anything that can be done? I see a PTSD specialist counsellor who is thinking over this one. Has this happened to others and what do you do about it? Best wishes xx 
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GILL3SQ
member
Reged: 29/07/2008
Posts: 1600
Loc: Staffordshire
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I think you need to rise above him. He certainly has no special powers but you believing that he may have only adds to his "power" over you causing you distress. Forget it was ever said and enjoy your life with your son. Essentially he was bullying you and in your vulnerable state you are reliving it. Forget the words and him.
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Goingbackwards
member
Reged: 22/08/2008
Posts: 2650
Loc: Isle of Wight
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Agree with Gill - he was a bully. He cannot influence your ilfe and its only because you are so vulnerable that this is playing on your mind. When things go wrong for you - you remember his words.
He is past - gone - those words mean nothing.
xx
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Chatelaine
member
Reged: 23/08/2007
Posts: 4176
Loc: A village somewhere on the Con...
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It is amazing the harm evil/nasty people cause!
OK, for starters Suejane, do the following every single day.... several times! Visualize yourself, your son, as well as the property you live in, within a large protective bubble. Visualize that it cannot be accessed in any way from the outside by evil, by negativity, and that all the poisonous arrows potentially or possibly directed at you and yours, will bounce off this enormously hard protective bubble back to the sender. And visualize happiness, joy, positivity and all that is good within the bubble and fill it with glorious light. Make individual bubbles when you and/or your son are away from the house.
Secondly change your way of thinking! Negativity draws negativity, whilst positivity draws positivity. So start practising thinking positive! Hard!! I know!! But it does help and before you know it, you will notice the light returning to your life. And at night before you go to bed, concentrate on the good things that happened in your life that day, and then concentrate on what you'd like out of your next day, and see it developing before your eyes...... make it happy and light! And repeat the exercise before getting up.... concentrate on the day before you, and repeat your affirmation that you want a happy and positive day, and what you'd like out of it.
Avoid negative thoughts at all costs!!!!!
I am by the way quoting some of the advise given in the super fantastic book The Secret. Another piece of advise..... try and get hold of that and read it, again and again and again, and start living by this "teaching". It is just a new way of thinking..... positive thinking by which we draw all that is good and happy into our lives. We are the masters of our own minds, and our own lives......
And unless your Ex is into the "black side" (in which case you might need help), he is just a pathetic person..... an angry man who did not get what he wanted, and is trying to get back to you.
Not that I am simple or anything, but what is a PTSD specialist????
Sending you positive and loving vibes!!
P.S. Burn candles!! Also burn Sage......
And with this the curse your Ex sent you, is being hurled back at him.......
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skippy
member
Reged: 08/01/2008
Posts: 2124
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Get your own back - get a male doll, write his name on it and stick pins in it. Just for fun. It probably wont work but it may make you feel better and see what an idiot he is..
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[ima ge][/image]
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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Great,i was sinking again. I see a Counsellor who specialises in treating people who have been traumatized and who go on to develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I adore son and husband, and daughter is still in the spare room, we hardly see her, but she does have contact with her dad and i guess she is quite creepy too, so i try to focus on the positive but i do need support sometimes and i will try to find the recommended book. My Ex was a very wierd bloke but in a very powerful job and well known in his community and much respected unless you happen to live with him.... thanks again girls xx
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aec13cat
member
Reged: 08/01/2009
Posts: 3101
Loc: N. Ireland
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Hi Suejane. Everyones advice has been great and mine was to also quote from "The Secret" which Chatelaine has mentioned. If you are thinking things aren't going well then they won't as you are drawing on the negativity. Start believing things are going to get better - really putting out those thoughts and you know what - they will. Bring as much happiness and light-heartedness into your life that you can. Don't have anyone around who drains you or puts you down. I wish you well.
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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My ex bought me poems containing epitaphs and used to say i had a death wish. He is extrememely wierd, he used to try to stop me talking about anything, silence , it was awful, you really wanted to scream but my present husband will talk to anyone about anything!!
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8004
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Hi suejane
This man is part of your past, let go and let him be part of it. He sounds like a controlling bully, he is stuck with his personality, but you have moved on.
Take care
F. x.
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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skippy
member
Reged: 08/01/2008
Posts: 2124
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Thank goodness he's your ex!!!! I just want to say that Chatelaines far better advice wasnt on here when i posted - we must have been replying at the same time - but anything is worth a try. 
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 553
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Oh my goodness, Suejane - you've said elswhere this horrible man was an arch-manipulator, and now you're falling for it again! Don't do it.
He's not just a bully, not just weird - he's an out and out headcase! A lot of seriously mentally ill people manage to put on a 'social front' and persuade others they're quite sane, but this man obviously isn't. YOU are the sane one! People who are mentally ill like him can be ace at 'reversing the insanity' - they make OTHERS (like you) think there's something wrong with them, when in fact it's THEM that's got something seriously wrong with him.
He's mentally ill, honest. Whther he's responsible for it, who knows - maybe he had an awful childhood himself, but that's not your problem. He's done enough damage, and I doubt you are the only one - I bet the people who work for him and with him hate his guts as well, even if they daren't say it, and I bet he tries his sicko mind games on them too.
With mentally ill people who are ill in that way (ie, a nasty one!) there is only one thing to do - leave them to the experts! Not, of course, that the experts will get their hands on him, as part of his illness is to be very cunning - that's what psychopaths do, 'play' the world around them, and all the people they encounter.
By the way, don't worry - this is not the kind of mental illness that is hereditary, it comes with whatever 'sick' upbringing he must have had, and since your children have YOU for their mum, they will be fine in the end.
Believe me, this man has not cursed you. It's HE who's cursed. He can't see it, and you have difficulty too, becuase of his mind games - but we can see it clearly.
In the end, feel sorry for him. Who would want to be him? No one. He's sick and sad.
Best, Julie.
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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The really awful part is that this person works in Social Services and is trained in assessing people for mental health care, he was an only child and usually got his own way by bullying parents.I am sorry i got involved and we all suffered.Thankyou for help xx
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seasidetracie
member
Reged: 12/03/2009
Posts: 389
Loc: Broadstairs,Kent
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Suejane,
Darling, as suggested by others you really need to read The Secret........I really feel for you. When we are feeling vulnerable people like your ex feed on our vulnerability. The Secret is a wonderful book and will really help you.
Seaside Tracie xx
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annemari
member
Reged: 07/03/2008
Posts: 3102
Loc: Gloucestershire.
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suejane,it is not difficult reading your posts,that you feel very very threatened,but this man is playing mind games with you, well, o.k. let him play but as Chatelaine said, Throw up that shield around you,both mentally and physically. You will feel all the stronger for doing so, and never forget we here at the forum will support you as much as is possible.
What concerns me is that this man works for Social Services and if he can play games like this with you, what can he do to others who are equally if not more vulnerable. Have you mentioned his position to your PTSD Counsellor? I strongly suspect that if he is made aware of him, he may find that through his line of work, he knows him or at least knows of him. This will immediately weaken your ex's hold, for you will then be in the position of telling him that 'he won't always have what he has got.' but say no-more than that or tell any member of your family,keep it to yourself,except to log it all in a secret diary, plus conversations with your PTSD C. I think this will help you to feel emotionaly stronger.
The only way to sort out a bully is to meet them head on.
Get the book, it is brilliant. Good Luck.
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Annemari xx
 The Three Musketeers were together again at Cardiff. Summer, ChattyCathy and my 'Mum' Auntie Annemari"
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Goingbackwards
member
Reged: 22/08/2008
Posts: 2650
Loc: Isle of Wight
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Just to add that I am shocked to find that he works in the field he does, and agree strongly with Annemari that you should mention this to you PTSD counsellor.
He seems to be transferring his own problems to other people, I have let my sister , who is an NHS Counsellor see these posts and she was quite horrified - please report this man, he could be damaging other people as well as you.
We are all here for you xx
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kate1
member
Reged: 18/08/2008
Posts: 6815
Loc: Leicestershire
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The most helpful thing I read about people who say something nasty to you is that they lay their comments on the table, and you can choose whther or not to pick them up.
Visualising the table and then making the choice not to pick up the comment disassociates you from it...it works!
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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I have reported this person to my PTSD Counsellor. She is a former Social Worker herself from a different area of course. We all know that some organisations are very corrupt and we know of a climate of fear in the place he works in. I hear he is due to retire next year and recently had a stroke. He has told daughter that he could have a heart attack at any time.I think looking back he was avery dangerous man and several times tried to report it but all that happened was that i was judged as mad and indeed terrible revenge was enacted and i cannot go down that road again. But i will take your sound advice now.Other people there do know of him but as i say, were afraid to act. Have a good day and take care all of you xxx
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cherrypie
member
Reged: 28/01/2009
Posts: 316
Loc: SW Wales
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The ball visualisation is great and does work - try imagining that it has a mirrored surface on the outside so anythingnegative is refleted back to the person who sent it.
eleanor Roosavelt said that the only person who can make yourself feel inferior is you ( OK so its pot and kettle with me) I uderstand your feelings but a curse only works if the person it is aimed at knows about it and acknowledges it.
People's private life and public/work life can be very different and it is often the perfect employee or the quiet dilligent one who is the tyrant at home - it is all to do with issues of self worth - he controls to boost his self worth which he may not have in his working life ( being passed over for promotion etc)
Suejane - you are OK - you are a person in your own right - he is a very experienced controller but he can only control you if you buy into his games If you turn round and tell him to bog off and leave you alone - he will be so shocked that you will stop him in his tracks.
cherry
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Age is mandatory - growing up is optional
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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My Husband told him not to phone me. He has my daughter here with us but i have told her to stop sending messages on his behalf i simply wont answer them.My son phones him, his dad, but we are aware of this poisonous individual and as i get stronger there will be less impact, but it will take years to recover if i ever do.Your support has been fantasic and never to be forgotten, always acknowledged by me and my husband.. I never thought people could be so kind but in my darkest times there were brave people who did come to my aid and they were brave, they could have lost thier jobs, or at least had some unpleasant things happen.We have focused for years on supporting very poorly youngest son despite attempts by his father to sabotage all our efforts and we are now giving care to neglected daughter.We can only pray that there will be justice for these children and possibly others,but this may come in the next life! Have a good day, you wonderful people and always i shall be here for you to offer whatever i can xxxx
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 553
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Works in social services and mental health? Wow, I told you he was cunning! I mean, what better place to hide your OWN mental illness than in a place where YOU are supposed to be the sane person?!!! Plus, of course, his vicious 'power-kick' means that in such a position he is well able to play his malign, sicko mind games.
I agree that you are doubtless not the only victim, and that he needs to be reported. Yes, he will have taken steps to protect himself - to tell anyone that it's his accusers who are nuts (as he did you.)
As well as what you have done arleady by way of your own counsellor, may I suggest that you get in touch with Unison, the trade union. I'm pretty sure that this is the union to which social workers belong, and I can take a bet that there will ahve been complaints by staff against him already, and if not, an alert by you could well open floodgates. Yes, the vicious git is due to retire (unless, let us hope, the heart attack gets him first - I mean, really, would he be a loss to the world?)(trouble is, of course, he will cause your children grief by dying, even though it would be a blessing in disguise really) - but he can still do damage and harm till then, plus, of course, what new 'jollies' is he going to get once he has retired, and finds a new source of prey somewhere??
I agree completely that you should simply cut yourself off from him, accept NO communication. He can't get you if he can't reach you, and think how angry and frustrated he'll be if you are out of his reach? (Oh, he'll try and communicate 'via' your children, obviously, twisting their poor minds, and trying to get them to pass on 'messages of evil' to you, but you need to blank those out too.)
Remember - he ONLY has the power over you that YOU allow him. Your soul is YOURS, not his.
Like I said, bottom line is he's a sick, sad, pathetic person, more to be pitied than anythign else. What an apology for a human being!
All the best, Julie.
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