DaisyLily
member
Reged: 09/07/2008
Posts: 48
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I don't often post on here but I feel really down because there are two colleagues at work who are equal to me in that they are secretaries too but they keep putting on me to do work that they don't want to do and its really getting me down. I've not been looking forward to coming back to work after the Christmas break, in fact I've been dreading it. I really hate these two girls yet I can't stand up for myself. I'm not sure if the bosses know what's going on or even care, I think they do tbh. Sorry had to get this off my chest. I feel like resigning if it wasn't for the fact that I need the wages to pay the bills I really would.
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Genie_J
member
Reged: 07/12/2008
Posts: 542
Loc: Scotland
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Hi Daisylily
Poor you they sound like a pair of witches Iv always found if you standup to bullies they back off but I know its easier said than done is there no -one at all at work that could help you? human recources? My heart goes out to you
Juney : 
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Genie xxx
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DaisyLily
member
Reged: 09/07/2008
Posts: 48
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Well its not that bad really I suppose there are worse off than me. But they really get me down sometimes. I thought I'd have a word with my boss and say its getting me down and has been going on since I started there over a year now. I've tried to get other jobs but keep getting knock backs, esp. from the NHS/local hospital and the local council.
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Goldenglow
member
Reged: 03/08/2008
Posts: 108
Loc: Essex
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Ooohh DaisyLily, I really sympathise with you and wish I had some good advice to help you out. Is there any way you could approach one of the bosses and speak to them in confidence to see if you can gain their support. If things really are that desperate maybe you should think of putting in a complaint. If you don't get on with these girls and they are making your life a misery then perhaps you have nothing to lose and everything to gain? Sending you a supportive hug x
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Goldenglow
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Tigerfeet
member
Reged: 29/10/2008
Posts: 1707
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Hi DaisyLily
I assume these two women were in post when you were appointed? Do you think they could be threatened by you because you are better at your job than they are? Do you know why your predecessor resigned?
I'm not sure who you work for, but I hope there is a route that you can take to address the problem. Can you start with speaking to your Line Manager - in confidence?? I know this must be awful for you - remember we are all here to support you. Love and hugs xx
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DaisyLily
member
Reged: 09/07/2008
Posts: 48
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Yeah I will be speaking to my boss tomorrow. I just didn't see the point before as I think they know what's going on but don't want to do anything and are turning a blind eye to it.
Thank you everyone, you're all so kind and supportive. I should come on here more often.
They were both in post when I arrived and have been there for many years. The woman who had the post before me left because she was moving to another part of the country.
Edited by DaisyLily (05/01/2009 20:29)
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Carey
member
Reged: 03/06/2008
Posts: 161
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Could you arrange a meeting with your boss; not to moan about these two but along the lines of 'obviously I want to my job to the best of my abilities, so can you help me clarify my priorities so I can best help you and add to the overall success of the business' (or words of your choice!)
This makes you look good, that you are thinking about your job and trying to help your boss. In addition if the two witches try to pass over their work you are quire clear about what you should/should not be doing. Any additional duties would have to be run past your boss - that might scare them off.
I know you don't feel very brave at the moment but try and keep any conversation strictly to tasks and avoid any personality issues.
Good luck!
Carey
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citygirl
member
Reged: 18/07/2008
Posts: 676
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If its really as bad as you think you should either face up to them or ignore them. I'm really good at ignoring people & giving dirty looks when I have to 
Do you have to deal with them every day or is it just that you are all sitting in the same office space??
If that doesn't work then ask them in earshot of the boss why they are treating you this way, because bullying amounts to threatening behaviour - remember they are only doing it because you are letting them
This may all sound rather harsh but you're just making yourself unhappy & stressed by letting it go on.
..
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shoesandboots
member
Reged: 28/12/2008
Posts: 60
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DaisyLily my heart goes out to you... I know you said you can't stand up for yourself but what is the worst that will happen if you stood up to these two. You seem like a helpful person and don't know how to say NO that is why they will keep putting on you.
Next time they ask you to do something tell them you are busy and ask politely why they are unable to do it themself.
Is it just work load they are putting on you or is there more behind it?
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 3590
Loc: Suffolk,
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I'm being "bullied" Not in the usual way, but I'm working with the office bimbo. Young (well 26, going on 16) pretty, flirty, dim, manipulative, lazy, evil. All short skirts and eyelashes.
Very lazy, spends most of day mailing her mates, sending text messages, then when the boss comes in she's like, so busy, and she's like, so stressed, flutter, flutter.
And my colleague and I, both ladies of a "certain age" doing a good job, under stress (our workload is more than hers), do we get sympathy.
But this year, the worm will turn! We have decided the next time he asks us to help her out, we say "NO"
She
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 5913
Loc: runcorn
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Hi Daisy, I know you said that you can't stand up for yourself, but sometimes the thought of something is far worse than the reality. I bet if you think back through your life you'll be able to come up with examples of times/situations where you were dreading having to do something and then afterwards thought actually, that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. So, next time, just say, no, I've done my share of the hard work, it's about time you did x, y and z. Bet they'll be so gobsmacked they'll just shuffle away.
Not to take from Daisy's thread, but the bosses have it bad in situations like this. We suspended and later after investigation fired an employee because of threatening behaviour. He has now filed to go to industrial tribunal - not looking forward to it.
PS Daisy, just imagine all of us behind you when you say no - that'll give you some mental back-up.
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 3590
Loc: Suffolk,
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Daisy,
I've just re-read my post, and I didn't mean to belittle you.
But so often, the "invisible ladies" are ignored and humiliated too. And I assumed (possibly wrongly) that they were silly girlies as well. And you are an "adult"
..wispa
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DaisyLily
member
Reged: 09/07/2008
Posts: 48
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Wispa you didn't belittle me.
Chilla you are right, I will think of the W&H forum girls standing behind me backing me up but I really feel like I can't stand up to them but I will try.
Shoes & Boots - I had a set to with them when I first went there and wouldn't speak to them because of their bullying for a while. They got really nasty the atmosphere was horrible. I was in the main office then, since then I've been given my own room which helps slightly but they're still on my back.
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ShelBee
member
Reged: 07/04/2008
Posts: 756
Loc: Bangor, N. I.
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Hi Daisy,
I don't think that your situation can be mended. You mentioned that you think your bosses already know what is going on but do not want to deal with it. If they have no backbone then they will be of no help to you. It sounds like they are afraid of them too. These two biddies are ruling the roost!
And if you report them and they are made to do more work then they will resent you even more. I think that you should look for a new job and leave this lot to stew in it.
That company do not deserve a hard-working and conscientious employee like you!
In the meantime can you be sly? The next time something is not done say " I thought you were doing that" or shrug your shoulders and say " not my problem" Try and show them up for what they are at every opportunity.
You are the office Cinderella however I would not advise waiting for Prince Charming to come along and rescue you ( you may have noticed that they are in short supply)Sadly I think that you will have to sort out the ugly sisters by yourself - with a little help from your friends on here of course!
Good Luck!
ShelBee
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Take time to smell the roses.
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DaisyLily
member
Reged: 09/07/2008
Posts: 48
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I think you are right Shelbee. I will just say no can't do that. I've been looking for another job but my CV isn't good because I've done a lot of short term temp contracts/temping work.
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Pawprint
member
Reged: 03/01/2009
Posts: 245
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Hi DaisyLily
I agree with a lot of the good advice you have already been given. It seems to me that they are taking advantage of the fact that they have both been there for years and are treating you like the office junior. However, if they are working at the same level as you, they have no authority to do this. I know that it is easier said than done to stand up for yourself when you find it difficult, but I think (as Carey said) that it would be a good idea to have a confidential chat with your boss to find out exactly what you should be doing. That will make it easier to refuse to do pieces of work they push your way `as not part of your role'. I am not a naturally assertive person myself, its something I constantly have had to work at, so I know how you feel, but I also feel that the more you let someone get away with something, the more they will do it! The next time they ask you to do something why don't you try saying (nicely)I'm sorry you will have to do it yourself, I'm busy and have my own work to do. I bet they would be so shocked that they would think twice about treating you that way in future! I wish you lots of luck - I know its not easy but no-one should have to put up with that in the workplace. Don't let them win!
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ShelBee
member
Reged: 07/04/2008
Posts: 756
Loc: Bangor, N. I.
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Hi Daisy,
being assertive is not easy especially if it is not in your nature. Another option is to be subtle in your dealings with them. Act stupid/sweet like " did you ask me to do that? sooo sorry didn't hear you" That kinda thing.
But the bottom line is that place is not for you. You deserve better. No matter how assertive you are, they will not change and you will never enjoy working with them.
Be positive about your cv. If there are lots of short spells of work on there,come up with an explanation which puts a positive spin on it. Perhaps you are worrying about this unnecessarily. If you appear bright and confident in an interview you will get the job. God knows you are hard working enough so get the job you deserve in 2009!You can do it.........please don't say when you B&Q it!
ShelBee
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Take time to smell the roses.
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teacher
member
Reged: 27/12/2008
Posts: 370
Loc: on the sofa
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Hi Daisy,
I fear the problem has got worse for 2 reasons:
you no longer share an office with them so they have free regin to plot/plan and bitch about the company as a whole.
Also, if as you suspect the boss is aware of the situation but may be can't address it without YOU bringing it to his/her attention.
You could speak to your boss 'in confidence'ie making it clear that the other ladies treatment of you is clearly causing you work-related stress and give examples...lack of motivation to come to work, withdrawing from the social day-to-day conversations at work etc.
I believe work-related stress is now seen as an industrial injury and "you would hate for the situation to become worse if boss does not nip it in the bud"
Then ask your boss for the company's policy on harrassment at work or failing that work-related stress.
You mentioned you had a run-in with the ladies when you started so maybe you could mention that and ask your boss for suitable phrases to use in the future when you're dealing with the ladies. You know, play the game and be seen to want to help bring a suitable end to hostilities.
Of course, if nothing else please log each incident no matter how minor and send a clarification email to your boss as a follow-up to your 'in confidence' conversation.
Good luck!
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teacher
member
Reged: 27/12/2008
Posts: 370
Loc: on the sofa
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sorry my dyslexia is kicking in without my coloured glasses!
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JustJules
member
Reged: 10/03/2008
Posts: 324
Loc: Lancashire
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Hi DaisyLily,
I have been in the same situation as you and can sympathise. Unfortunately, in my 20 odd years as a Secretary, I find that this is common to every office in the land and the only way to handle it is to either confront them and ask them just why they are behaving like this towards you, which will completely throw them as bullies aren't used to being challenged or/and speak to someone i.e. personnel or line manager etc.,. Once other people are aware of how they are treating you they won't get away with it so easily. If you can't do this, at least ask for a meeting of some sort to prioritise work and make sure that they get their fair share and it's not all put on you.
Wispa, I'm in exactly the same situation as you at the moment!!! Working with a 26 year old Trainee who speaks to me like something on the bottom of her shoe and is loud and ill mannered and totally unprofessional in the office and spends all day on the phone to friends talking 'materialistic drivel' which drives me mad!!! On the other hand, I work for a woman solicitor, newly qualified who treats me like some 17 year old office junior and insists on spelling everything for me when dictating. Even told me on tape yesterday the difference between 'Council' and 'Counsel'......I have tackled her about it but she refuses to stop doing it as her theory is that at least she knows she has told me how to spell it so that there can't be any mistakes!!!! I'm 52 tomorrow and have worked as a Secretary since leaving school and pride myself on my grammar and spelling - this woman insults my intelligence and I feel like walking out on a daily basis but can't because I need the money too....I have changed jobs a couple of times in the last few years and can't find a job where I'm happy nowadays. I know what you are going through!
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