Glitterqueen
member
Reged: 11/01/2008
Posts: 3211
Loc: Essex
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I got an email today with one line jokes that made me smile. Thought I would share them with you.
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
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This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
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I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
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I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
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I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best before End'
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I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
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I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'
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My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
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I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.
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I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
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I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
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The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
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I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'
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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me..'
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I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
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I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
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This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'
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I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
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I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
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I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
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I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
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Splash123
member
Reged: 04/05/2008
Posts: 4098
Loc: South Glamorgan
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I love them Glitter!
THANKS!
XX
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http://www.visitcardiff.com/What-to-do-and-see.html
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Kimberley
member
Reged: 14/07/2008
Posts: 882
Loc: KENT
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Very funny Glitter, brought a smile to my face on this very gloomy Monday : ))
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Tigerfeet
member
Reged: 29/10/2008
Posts: 1707
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Great - made me giggle - thank you! xx
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blossom97
member
Reged: 02/02/2008
Posts: 4579
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Fantastic..must print those out for work!
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6235
Loc: runcorn
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Keep re-reading them and still can't work out which is the funniest....
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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Suee
member
Reged: 21/01/2008
Posts: 2057
Loc: Switzerland
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Thanks for these ,needed a laugh today,Suee xxx
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3746
Loc: London
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Very funny Glitter!
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Waveney
member
Reged: 05/04/2007
Posts: 1595
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Thanks Glit, I'm a bit short of funny emails after Christmas so I liked this one!
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