MrsSmith
member
Reged: 26/06/2009
Posts: 1436
Loc: Land of milk and honey
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Was talking to my brother tonight because he has cancer and is convinced he'll die, doesnt want to be bothered with airy fairy groups etc etc. Anyway, when my OH was really ill and went into a home, my dad had a stroke and we had to sort it all out then my dad died. He'd become very disoriented and convinced that only my brother could be executor of the will as he had the same name. Soooooo my brother dealt with it all and sent me cheques etc at the time.
Now, nine years later he suddenly informs me that my dad's bank account is still live, he uses it for "bits and pieces" and used it to give his daughters money at Xmas!!
How would you feel about that? I don't actually need the money, in fact when I got my share from my dad's estate, I gave my neices some cash because they need it now, not when I die
I just feel a bit . well, I don't know ....cheated I suppose.
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Bizibee1
member
Reged: 21/07/2009
Posts: 532
Loc: North Wales
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A bit of a sore point this topic for a lot of people MrsSmith. I know of whole families falling out over money and inheritances. I think you need to ascertain from your brother how much is exactly inthe account now and maybe come to some agreement about it. I think what's gone is best left like that and move on. You have done so well with your own progress, please don't get embroiled in anything that will make you regret or indeed fall out with your brother.
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Bizibee1 
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aec13cat
member
Reged: 08/01/2009
Posts: 3143
Loc: N. Ireland
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I would be very upset indeed as this is totally wrong. As executor his job was to sort things out and close things up according to your Dads wishes. Although you don't need the money it is still all down to trust. I thought everything had to be wound up and it is totally unfair he has been using money to pay his daughters etc. I would certainly feel cheated if it was my brother and this is just not right in my eyes.
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Alice23
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Reged: 21/09/2009
Posts: 233
Loc: In Wonderland
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Your Dad's bank account? How come did your brother
have power of attorney? Otherwise how can he draw
money off of an account which has your Dad's name on
it. Or is this money that your brother forgot to share
with you and so he refers to the money as within yr
Dads account. VERY BAD FORM DOES HE KNOW MY BROTHER!!! I'm dreading anything happening to my mother because she has made me executor and my brother - who I know will make the whole process extremely difficult.
Alice
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andfletch
member
Reged: 01/11/2009
Posts: 14
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There's nothing like a will or funerals to bring out the worst in people. Have had similar experiences with my family. He shouldn't have done that without discussing it with you - unless that money was his and left to him alone. Once you are feeling calmer I'd just ask him to (if you are both entitled to the money) perhaps either close the account and split the remaining funds between you. Or to ensure that from now on you get copies of bank statements ... ? or go round to his house and throw garbage on his lawn ... There's the adult approach or the ticked off kid approach.
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aec13cat
member
Reged: 08/01/2009
Posts: 3143
Loc: N. Ireland
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Going back to other replies you would need to remember back to your Dads will. If it was left between you and your brother then he defintiely should not be taking money out for his daughters but if some money was left to them it might explain why he is taking the money out for presents so just check all that out first of all. If not legitimate then you can follow some of the ideas the ladies have given you!! Good ~Luck.
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MrsSmith
member
Reged: 26/06/2009
Posts: 1436
Loc: Land of milk and honey
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It's al a bid dodgy I think and I think I'm right not to make my brother or any of his family my Power of Attorney. This goes to a trusted friend. I always felt that he'd cheated me out of some of the money (probably felt he'd done more than me so earned it) and I don't want to make a big fuss.
What I'll do is, not give any more presents/money to my great nephew and explain why. His mother told me that I'd paid for her weddding in New York!
Oh families! this is all sibling rivalry which should have stopped years ago.
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andfletch
member
Reged: 01/11/2009
Posts: 14
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Golly it all sounds so familiar. If you can let it go, then maybe you just should, and keep moving forward. For some reason he may have decided he deserved a bit more, or whatever. You'll never really know the reasons why he's behaved this way. And it's not worth you getting upset over it. After my mother died my family fractured into a thousand pieces and it was all about the will and who felt they deserved what. Try not to let yours go the same way. Life is just too short. Good Luck.
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ROW
member
Reged: 16/10/2009
Posts: 179
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It wouldnt be the actual money that bothered me, it would be the question of why my brother had been continuing to use money from my Dads account for 9 years and using it himself without discussing it with me..or even telling me it was there! If this is bothering you, you need to find out if there is any explanation for it, like another lady said, maybe your Dad told him he could use what was left for your nieces ect, that would at least explain it. I would also want to know why it has taken so long for him to tell me about it ... that would bother me too. This kind of thing does blow families apart so you have to decide how much of an issue you want to make of it yourself as there could be consequences. I would need some answers so that I could understand and not continue to dwell on it. Row
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6302
Loc: runcorn
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Wise words from Bizibee.
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 568
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If you can afford it, it might be worth seeing a lawyer for an hour or so, just to find out what the legalities are, in respect of executors' rights and duties and powers, plus things like power of attorney etc. Also, what strikes me is that surely if your brother, as executor, went for probate (and not all wills have to be proved, it depends a bit on the amount being disposed of!), surely he had to close down all his father's accounts in order to get probate (the Inland Revenue like to know what is in the estate so they can tax it!)(though it may not have been over the tax limit of course).
Definitely get hold of your father's will - they are public documents, and are available to anyone in the world, though I'm not clear how, maybe someone here knows?
If you do see a lawyer yourself, then have all the documentation you will need, set out the issues clearly beforehand, so you are not rambling and confusing during the interview, and just find out what your brother's rights are, and what his legal obligations are/were, and where the money was willed, and how it has been disposed of since then.
Executors are definitely allowed some money out of the estate they are executing to cover expenses (eg funeral, legal costs etc), but these all have to be set out and clarified and accounted for.
Very finally, I would just say this - if your brother has cancer, maybe this is the time to say 'well, fate dealt him a bad hand on the health/mortality front, so I'll let him have more than his fair share on the money front'. Just a thought (plus depends obviously on how bad his cancer is/is likely to get and also what your health situation is like!).
If your brother really has been helping himself to more than his morally fair share (ie, whatever the law or your father's will allows him) then I agree, you just have to redress the imbalance yourself as best you can, and not give pressies, support etc to his side of the family.
Best, Julie.
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X_Debi_X
member
Reged: 30/10/2009
Posts: 81
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I was executor of MFL's will and if your fathers will had to go to probate the executor would have had to swear to carry out the wishes contained in the will and keep all documents and receipts for expenses etc. You are able to get copies of wills for a small price at the registry offices and if that money wasn't legally your brothers to spend then he has defrauded the wishes of your father. Who ever should be the benefactor of that account e.g. if it was between you and your brother i would ask him for a statement of the account at the time of your fathers death and say you won't seek legal advice if he puts it right and now pays the benefactor their share. He may have told you he has given the money to his daughters as he thinks it would soften the situation but unfortunately if he has decieved you before is he still?
If your brother is very poorly you may not want to upset him but if he hasn't carried out your fathers wishes that was morrally very wrong of him. You say you don't need the money but you never know if your financial situation may change in the future and if some of the money is yours and you decide to give it to worthy causes then you should be able to.
It is a difficult situation and i wish you well whatever you decide.
x-Debi-x
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 2621
Loc: Somerset
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Surely part of probate is making sure everything's been reassigned to the new owners? As an executor he could use your father's money to cover expenses for the execution of the estate but not to give to his daughters. From what I remember from FIL and my M's estates I think he may be breaking the law. I don't think after probate's gone through you can operate a bank account in a dead person's name so either it's been transfered into his name or he's possibly acting illegally or has he put off probate?. Try Citizen's Advice. I guess what you do depends on how much is in there and whether you want to 'give' it all to him. If the estate was split between you it's your money he's playing with and he's admitted that he's been using it.
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8034
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I have been joint executor with my sister and we had to wind up all the accounts before we could get probate. There is definitely something not quite right, but before you speak to your brother, I would do a little discreet digging. Be very, very sure of the facts before you go any further.
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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marie50
member
Reged: 07/07/2007
Posts: 956
Loc: cleckheaton west yorkshire
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your brother may in bother with your dads bank if they find out, it would be best to ask him whether they know what he is doing. do they know that he has died ?
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