annlouise
member
Reged: 27/10/2009
Posts: 6
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can anyone help!!
this christmas will be the second year without my lovely lauren..
18 months ago, during the seperation of me and my husband there was a big fall out with my daughter and her boyfriend....since she met him her attitude changed completely. we went from being so close to this situation now were i dont hear from her at all... she left with him to live in his house and she has just turned her back on me . and her sister who still lives at home..i miss her so so much and feel desperately sad inside.. i miss family being together and dont know where to start to get her friendship back.
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debenjanie
member
Reged: 31/01/2009
Posts: 227
Loc: Suffolk
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Oh my heart goes out to you. I've had a similar situation with my ED who, through a simple misunderstanding packed her bags and went to live with her father. She was gone for 6 months only but I cried every day not knowing if I would ever see her again.However, there came a day when I dropped her sister off to see her and I went to visit my mum. When I picked my Youngest up my Eldest was waiting on the drive to talk to me. Slowly and awkwardly we got chatting and ended up , after 2 hours, of being ok again. We never spoke of the seperation and probably never will but I got my girl back. ( Its a long story as to why she needed to talk to me )
However she has now fallen out with her sisiter and wont talk to her.
I treat them both the same and love them equally.
If you know where she lives why not drop her a note to keep the 'door open' for a time that she may need you. After so long she may not know how to break the silence. Can you e-mail her?
I e-mailed my D regularly even though I got no response.
I really hope that soon, you get your D back in your life. PM me if you need to talk anytime.
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6188
Loc: runcorn
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No experience of this annlouise, but I just wanted to say that all things will change as she continues to grow up and experience life. As debenjanie says, leave the door open and one day she will walk through it.
Chilla x
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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luvsun
member
Reged: 15/09/2008
Posts: 29
Loc: Scotland
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I'm so sad for you. Please keep trying to communicate with lauren.....email, letter, etc...whatever it takes let her know you are there for her, hopefully she'll come back to you when ready. I really feel for you.
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annlouise
member
Reged: 27/10/2009
Posts: 6
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thanks for the replies.....i do txt her regularly and leave her voicemails even though i never het a response..the hurtful side is that she does have contact with her father now and his parents who never bothered with her for a few years.. i get upset for my mum too as lauren lives near them now but even they dont hear from her...
I have said some horrible things too her especially after a few glasses of wine but i feel so desperate sometimes.. she was my best friend as well as my daughter.. we did everything together.. girlie days out the lot...i feel like i will never se her again
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Ginnie
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 1063
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Annlouise
I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I agree with everyone who has said 'leave the door open'. I have 2 Ds and have had some stressful times but nothing like this but I can say that now they are both Mums they seem to see me in a different light, and each other. There were times when I worried that they would grow so far apart they would never come together but they are best friends now and would defend each other against the world.
I hope everything works out for you, and soon.
Ginnie X
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 549
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It could be, perhaps, that she felt a little claustrophobic with you as she got older maybe, and felt she needed, for her own sake, to become more independent and 'grow up' more. I think children sometimes go away from us, whether mentally or physically, while they are making the transition into adulthood, then 'come back' again once they are 'sorted' on the inside of their heads, and know that, say, in your situation, they can enjoy your company and companionship without feeling they 'ought' to 'break away and grow up'.
I know it can sound very comforting to think of a daughter as a 'best friend' but of course they aren't really - nor should they be. They are our children (whatever their age!!!!), and that isn't the same thing. But that doesn't of course mean we do not enjoy their company 'as if' they were a friend, and not our children. After all, hopefully we have a lot in common with our adult children!
Also, just to say, if she is on terms with her father, but not you, maybe she holds you responsible in some way for the marriage breakup???? Daughters can be very 'pro-dad', quite irrationally sometimes, and it isn't until they become wives themselves that they can see the kind of faults and flaws men have when it comes to being as supportive in a marraige as they should be!
Or, then again, maybe the separation distressed her all round, and she simply 'withdrew' from you in order to save herself any more upset??
Or maybe she has nailed her loyalty to her boyfriend now, and felt you didn't like him or approve of him???
Whatever the reason (and it can be VERY hard to see inside a young person's head to make sense of it!!!!), I do agree that the 'open door' policy is the best, and even if the communication is one way at the moment, it's still worth doing - though perhaps not too frequently or she may interpret it as 'harrassing'????
All the very best, and hang on in there. Whatever happens, you are her mum, and always will be, all your life, and nothing can ever change that or take that away from you, or her.
Take care, Julie
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WoodyM
member
Reged: 01/04/2009
Posts: 670
Loc: Cheshire
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I cant imagine this it must be devastating, but I am always the optimist and agree with the others....keep open communication, even if you dont get a response just yet, send a Christmas card to both daughter and boyfriend, not asking for anything just good wishes.......keep positive.....
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 7994
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I could feel the anguish in your post...........
I would just agree with everyone else, keep the door open, keep communicating. I like WoodyM's idea of sending a Christmas card to them both.
Take care
Foxie x.
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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blossom97
member
Reged: 02/02/2008
Posts: 4571
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I would agree to about sending a gift or card ( or ANY communication really)to both of them acknowledging them as a couple.With you saying that her attitude changed when she met him, you suggest that you didnt approve of him. If he feels you dont like him, he has no incentive to encourage her to see you....if you change tack , so to speak, you might just get the result you want.X
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supercook
member
Reged: 24/09/2009
Posts: 2
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I know how you feel as I haven't seen my oldest son for nearly 7 years. He's just turned 31 now and he had a row at our house with his younger brother. For some reason he decided that he wouldn't have anything to do with any of us and I've tried everything over the years without success. He's since married, divorced and moved on with another partner. His ex-wife contacted us just after they broke up (they were engaged when it happened). We see her from time to time and it makes me feel better seeing her even though they're now divorced - how weird is that! Good luck with your daughter I hope you see her again soon. My thoughts are with you as I know how devastating this is. I had a mini breakdown when it happened, but I've gradually regained my strength. I'll never stop loving him and he'll always be my baby. Time heals, but you never forget.
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